What are you from a former viking countryFucking rip its only november. Winters gonna be something else for sure.
What are you from a former viking countryFucking rip its only november. Winters gonna be something else for sure.
That sounds incredibly difficult. Really sorry brother. Stay strong, I hope that something new and positive comes along for you. Life does have a way of beating us in new, terrible ways. Endeavor to persevereI've lost almost 30-40% of my hair in the last month, which I can only attribute to stress maybe, since my cancer treatment was a while ago. Meanwhile, my Mum continues to decline into dementia, and every day the hell of caring and catastrophizing about caring seems to get worse. I'm completely numb to life, to the world, to other people - dissociated in a way I don't really have the vocabulary or energy to articulate and to a depth I can't define. I naively felt I'd reached rock bottom in my early 20s but decades later I'm still finding new ways to fall. It's kinda fascinating to observe when I look at myself from the outside, and yet I have no clue how to (or how to want to) turn things around. All-in-all, conscious existence really does just seem to be a form of prolonged torture, manifesting through an infinitely diverse array of methods. I try to think of balancing upsides, but there really is nothing in the now or in the future to look forward to. I do at least have a retirement plan, which is basically a week's dose of metoclopramide coupled with a large dose of something very strong at the end of it...
Both of us read studies + philosophy and psychology on our spare time but its kinda admirable how his empathy allows him to basically straigth away identify people as to what they are. Without him I would not have close to as meaningful convesations every week as I do now. Hes 39 too so he has had dat time to get dat wisdom. Its kinda wild cause to a stupid people he propably seems stupid as is the pitfall of intelligence as in you are such a level above the other person which infact makes social intelligence important.He is the wisdom in a physical manifestation
I hear a lot this thing that fahrenheit makes sense because 0 is 0 % hot even tho that is no less than -17 celsius and 100 is 100 % hot while that makes totally unsatisfying sauna experienceJesus madafakin christ its minus 5 fahrenheit tomorrow when I walk to get my methadone. MOTHERFUCKING -5 FAHRENHEIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fahrenheit makes sense on normal outside + inside numbers, I think. But it makes less sense considering its different from all the similar numerical systems which makes it suck.I hear a lot this thing that fahrenheit makes sense because 0 is 0 % hot even tho that is no less than -17 celsius and 100 is 100 % hot while that makes totally unsatisfying sauna experience
People who make that claim must be spawns of Satan spreading their nonsense to make people suffer
I've lost almost 30-40% of my hair in the last month, which I can only attribute to stress maybe, since my cancer treatment was a while ago. Meanwhile, my Mum continues to decline into dementia, and every day the hell of caring and catastrophizing about caring seems to get worse. I'm completely numb to life, to the world, to other people - dissociated in a way I don't really have the vocabulary or energy to articulate and to a depth I can't define. I naively felt I'd reached rock bottom in my early 20s but decades later I'm still finding new ways to fall. It's kinda fascinating to observe when I look at myself from the outside, and yet I have no clue how to (or how to want to) turn things around. All-in-all, conscious existence really does just seem to be a form of prolonged torture, manifesting through an infinitely diverse array of methods. I try to think of balancing upsides, but there really is nothing in the now or in the future to look forward to. I do at least have a retirement plan, which is basically a week's dose of metoclopramide coupled with a large dose of something very strong at the end of it...
I’m happy for you. I’m also jealous of you too. Keep it up.20 days clean tomorrow AND going strong :D
Have definitely been there before. Stagnation in life is a real thing. Definitely be careful with that kind of ideation, it can lead you down a bad path. Messing with fentanyl would likely only bring you more problems.What do I do when nothing works anymore? The drugs don’t work any more to stop the physical pain and depression. I just went on the dream vacation of a lifetime and it didn’t make me feel better. Getting dragged on a other dream vacation in a week by my wife too and dreading that.
My hobbies I had have faded with interest. I am losing passion even towards being a workaholic.
If I wasn’t married I swear to fuck I would just blow my head off right now. But she would be destroyed for the rest of her life.
Drugs, sports, travel, work accomplishments….they all used to work when one or the other didn’t to sustain my motivation to keep living.
None of them work anymore.
I am considering descending into fentanyl (currently just do prescription pills). I really don’t know what else to do and fentanyl will do to me what I can’t do to myself.
Creating new life, especially human life is the most evil thing a human being can do. I know some of you have kids but think about what you are doing. Nobody asked my permission to bring me into this shit. My survival instinct and social bond with my spouse won’t let me escape this shit.
Creating new life and having kids is absolutely a sick evil and selfish thing to do.