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Social The Dark Side Social Thread v. Darksiders Forever

I've lost almost 30-40% of my hair in the last month, which I can only attribute to stress maybe, since my cancer treatment was a while ago. Meanwhile, my Mum continues to decline into dementia, and every day the hell of caring and catastrophizing about caring seems to get worse. I'm completely numb to life, to the world, to other people - dissociated in a way I don't really have the vocabulary or energy to articulate and to a depth I can't define. I naively felt I'd reached rock bottom in my early 20s but decades later I'm still finding new ways to fall. It's kinda fascinating to observe when I look at myself from the outside, and yet I have no clue how to (or how to want to) turn things around. All-in-all, conscious existence really does just seem to be a form of prolonged torture, manifesting through an infinitely diverse array of methods. I try to think of balancing upsides, but there really is nothing in the now or in the future to look forward to. I do at least have a retirement plan, which is basically a week's dose of metoclopramide coupled with a large dose of something very strong at the end of it...
 
CFC said:
I've lost almost 30-40% of my hair in the last month, which I can only attribute to stress maybe, since my cancer treatment was a while ago. Meanwhile, my Mum continues to decline into dementia, and every day the hell of caring and catastrophizing about caring seems to get worse. I'm completely numb to life, to the world, to other people - dissociated in a way I don't really have the vocabulary or energy to articulate and to a depth I can't define. I naively felt I'd reached rock bottom in my early 20s but decades later I'm still finding new ways to fall. It's kinda fascinating to observe when I look at myself from the outside, and yet I have no clue how to (or how to want to) turn things around. All-in-all, conscious existence really does just seem to be a form of prolonged torture, manifesting through an infinitely diverse array of methods. I try to think of balancing upsides, but there really is nothing in the now or in the future to look forward to. I do at least have a retirement plan, which is basically a week's dose of metoclopramide coupled with a large dose of something very strong at the end of it...
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That sounds incredibly difficult. Really sorry brother. Stay strong, I hope that something new and positive comes along for you. Life does have a way of beating us in new, terrible ways. Endeavor to persevere ❤️
 
I feel the dark.
Trying to find the root(s). There is obviously the losses, but there in the background is a beat I haven't tuned into yet it needs decrypting....
Wtf?
Even staying in the precent/now is two edged cause it's all temporary. Where do we find our ultimate "safe spot" mentally in all this?
Mine safe spot is Budah when the shit goes down. She is temporary as I.
Oh to be a hermit....
A loner that doesn't want to be alone; go figure. Not surprising to me really just thinking out loud (well, in on phone). Ok... typing thought out quietly. Hahaha
Y'all we too much
Peace
 
Seeing my best friend today. Gotta give him a new years kiss since its a tradition for us (2 sigma males). He is the wisdom in a physical manifestation and Im the intelligence of mathematics and logic in a physical manifestation so we make a good pair of soulbrothers 💪:reggae::bear:
 
Luckily like attracts like so basically all of my friends are good and moral people ( lol ) . At some point you start to stop giving people like 2nd or 3rd chances and just go with the best of the bunch. Which will include alot of differentials as in like 70% of my friends are so called anarchists but see the pitfalls of communism as in a problem of the human condition. Luckily, usually, as long as you are a good person you will attract other good person in the long run. There might be a lot of snakes in the bushes so keep your knife sharp but look for the good people, ofc. 30+ and still deep in drama shit, shit nikka what are you doing?
 
Juniper Bruhmomentius said:
He is the wisdom in a physical manifestation
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Both of us read studies + philosophy and psychology on our spare time but its kinda admirable how his empathy allows him to basically straigth away identify people as to what they are. Without him I would not have close to as meaningful convesations every week as I do now. Hes 39 too so he has had dat time to get dat wisdom. Its kinda wild cause to a stupid people he propably seems stupid as is the pitfall of intelligence as in you are such a level above the other person which infact makes social intelligence important.
 
Juniper Bruhmomentius said:
Jesus madafakin christ its minus 5 fahrenheit tomorrow when I walk to get my methadone. MOTHERFUCKING -5 FAHRENHEIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I hear a lot this thing that fahrenheit makes sense because 0 is 0 % hot even tho that is no less than -17 celsius and 100 is 100 % hot while that makes totally unsatisfying sauna experience

People who make that claim must be spawns of Satan spreading their nonsense to make people suffer
 
Pissed_and_messed said:
I hear a lot this thing that fahrenheit makes sense because 0 is 0 % hot even tho that is no less than -17 celsius and 100 is 100 % hot while that makes totally unsatisfying sauna experience

People who make that claim must be spawns of Satan spreading their nonsense to make people suffer
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Fahrenheit makes sense on normal outside + inside numbers, I think. But it makes less sense considering its different from all the similar numerical systems which makes it suck.
 
No it still does not make sense it is completely arbitrary nonsense and people are trying to rationalize it.

Argument: I have only recently began to figure fahrenheits after I was told "the logic". I couldn't still figure the correspondent celsiuses just by that logic.

AAAAAAAh fuck this caffeine is hitting me good now, the sweats, the sweats
 
CFC said:
I've lost almost 30-40% of my hair in the last month, which I can only attribute to stress maybe, since my cancer treatment was a while ago. Meanwhile, my Mum continues to decline into dementia, and every day the hell of caring and catastrophizing about caring seems to get worse. I'm completely numb to life, to the world, to other people - dissociated in a way I don't really have the vocabulary or energy to articulate and to a depth I can't define. I naively felt I'd reached rock bottom in my early 20s but decades later I'm still finding new ways to fall. It's kinda fascinating to observe when I look at myself from the outside, and yet I have no clue how to (or how to want to) turn things around. All-in-all, conscious existence really does just seem to be a form of prolonged torture, manifesting through an infinitely diverse array of methods. I try to think of balancing upsides, but there really is nothing in the now or in the future to look forward to. I do at least have a retirement plan, which is basically a week's dose of metoclopramide coupled with a large dose of something very strong at the end of it...
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For your hair, try some rosemary oil. I was balding and over the course of a few months it's made quite the difference.

With your mum that's a tough one. My uncle had the same. All you can do is show love and compassion. Be there for her.

Wishing you all the best CFC. I'm sorry to hear things aren't good right now. PM me if you need someone to talk to or even just vent. ❤
 
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What do I do when nothing works anymore? The drugs don’t work any more to stop the physical pain and depression. I just went on the dream vacation of a lifetime and it didn’t make me feel better. Getting dragged on a other dream vacation in a week by my wife too and dreading that.

My hobbies I had have faded with interest. I am losing passion even towards being a workaholic.

If I wasn’t married I swear to fuck I would just blow my head off right now. But she would be destroyed for the rest of her life.

Drugs, sports, travel, work accomplishments….they all used to work when one or the other didn’t to sustain my motivation to keep living.

None of them work anymore.

I am considering descending into fentanyl (currently just do prescription pills). I really don’t know what else to do and fentanyl will do to me what I can’t do to myself.

Creating new life, especially human life is the most evil thing a human being can do. I know some of you have kids but think about what you are doing. Nobody asked my permission to bring me into this shit. My survival instinct and social bond with my spouse won’t let me escape this shit.

Creating new life and having kids is absolutely a sick evil and selfish thing to do.
 
LucidSDreamr said:
What do I do when nothing works anymore? The drugs don’t work any more to stop the physical pain and depression. I just went on the dream vacation of a lifetime and it didn’t make me feel better. Getting dragged on a other dream vacation in a week by my wife too and dreading that.

My hobbies I had have faded with interest. I am losing passion even towards being a workaholic.

If I wasn’t married I swear to fuck I would just blow my head off right now. But she would be destroyed for the rest of her life.

Drugs, sports, travel, work accomplishments….they all used to work when one or the other didn’t to sustain my motivation to keep living.

None of them work anymore.

I am considering descending into fentanyl (currently just do prescription pills). I really don’t know what else to do and fentanyl will do to me what I can’t do to myself.

Creating new life, especially human life is the most evil thing a human being can do. I know some of you have kids but think about what you are doing. Nobody asked my permission to bring me into this shit. My survival instinct and social bond with my spouse won’t let me escape this shit.

Creating new life and having kids is absolutely a sick evil and selfish thing to do.
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Have definitely been there before. Stagnation in life is a real thing. Definitely be careful with that kind of ideation, it can lead you down a bad path. Messing with fentanyl would likely only bring you more problems.
 
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