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Social The Dark Side Social Thread v. Darksiders Forever

LucidSDreamr said:
What do I do when nothing works anymore? The drugs don’t work any more to stop the physical pain and depression. I just went on the dream vacation of a lifetime and it didn’t make me feel better. Getting dragged on a other dream vacation in a week by my wife too and dreading that.

My hobbies I had have faded with interest. I am losing passion even towards being a workaholic.

If I wasn’t married I swear to fuck I would just blow my head off right now. But she would be destroyed for the rest of her life.

Drugs, sports, travel, work accomplishments….they all used to work when one or the other didn’t to sustain my motivation to keep living.

None of them work anymore.

I am considering descending into fentanyl (currently just do prescription pills). I really don’t know what else to do and fentanyl will do to me what I can’t do to myself.

Creating new life, especially human life is the most evil thing a human being can do. I know some of you have kids but think about what you are doing. Nobody asked my permission to bring me into this shit. My survival instinct and social bond with my spouse won’t let me escape this shit.

Creating new life and having kids is absolutely a sick evil and selfish thing to do.
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This is exactly how I have been feeling much of the past 14 months I've been clean. I'm 45, in the midst of buying a business that will net me a lot of money. My concentration and cognition has improved after a harrowing recovery, but my drive just isn't there. No matter how bad things got in the past, I could just bury myself if in work, but I don't really care.

No wife, no kids. If I had an extra $1 million, I'd probably retire someplace cheap outside of the US. But even that, I'm not sure.

I guess this is why people relapse. The reality is sobriety really sucks. About the only thing that keeps me going is the thought that it gets better.
 
Biggest avchi for 17 hours for me.
Smoking heroin (europe/netherlands)

I smoked 0.03 recently so I am back at 4 hours clean.

Lyrica worked amazing for pain but unfortunately I also have some 500mg onnhamf and some xana pills. But the benzos don't take the pain away
 
AngelsandFairiesarereal said:
Had night terrors & torture dreams … woke up sweating & gasping for breath … needed time to realize I wasn’t there. PTSD is fucked up, I’m fucked up. Just sat there for hours after staring (dissociated state who knows)
I want to do drugs today … drug drugs.
Tortured bitch
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I'm sorry you're having issues with sleep. It can suck and be such a massive trigger. I have had an abnormal amount of nightmares and dreams recently too. The other night I woke up and was flailing my legs around, running from whatever it was, I can't remember. Obviously that's not good with a broken leg. Writhed in pain for 30mins or an hour and thankfully fell back asleep, wasn't too bad when I woke up.

Maybe there's just something in the air. Hang in there ❤️
 
I'm gettin tired y'all.
no replies even wanted unless ya feel me.
I'm sooo ready to lay my ass down.
What drives us to keep living? I find it fascinating but hard to decipher.
Oh well my bad just stoned and babblin
If I didn't have this heavy ass backpack I'd trek the woods for about an hour.
<3
 
Lil'LinaptkSix said:
I'm gettin tired y'all.
no replies even wanted unless ya feel me.
I'm sooo ready to lay my ass down.
What drives us to keep living? I find it fascinating but hard to decipher.
Oh well my bad just stoned and babblin
If I didn't have this heavy ass backpack I'd trek the woods for about an hour.
<3
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Idk bro, hope I guess. For even the smallest things. Or for an opportunity to see something, go somewhere, experience something, things like that.

It's hard to look around sometimes personally and derive meaning at the moment.

But there are moments when I have a vision for something good.
 
Hope
---------------
I made a conclusion today
No matter how full of hope I feel when I wake up
The day can still strip me off of the most fundamental short-term gratificanions. And make it even worse from there on.
 
Seems it is all mockery.
Madness said:
Idk bro, hope I guess. For even the smallest things. Or for an opportunity to see something, go somewhere, experience something, things like that
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I got the hopes. ;)
I do what I can when I can for others mostly to ease their lives. Been doing it for decades. Ever since....
So I would go (by stats) that there are more hopeful people than non.
This is good news.
Still though my damn body is tired and gettin tired of the static and bs.
Not implying 8m gonna check out imma see it to the end whatever that may be. I guess lol
1
 
You are really so modest I think.
If you are feeling downs
I don't know, if you want to disagree, you might be right, I don't know what you are thinking about
But
I FEEL LIKE
It has gotta be one of those shits that behave like dried up bushweed that are circling in the wind
You did not ask for that, never did anything for it.

Or maybe you are just feeling, responsible creature that feels down for not doing for their best ability
I don't know what you are having in your life
I don't know

Maybe it is both
 
I am afraid
I have lost control
It will ruin my relationships if I can not resolve making my friend punching bag and traumadump and shit
Because it is not their fault
And with that principle in mind
It won't either end there, in my life too
It is me, I feel like I am begging for my Personal Modulator for any slack, and even if I get it, I don't know how to utilize that
Because I am anyway lost missing sense of security
It makes me feel ill to perceive such incomplete control over my behaviour, that I hurt other people
 
Pissed_and_messed said:
I am afraid
I have lost control
It will ruin my relationships if I can not resolve making my friend punching bag and traumadump and shit
Because it is not their fault
And with that principle in mind
It won't either end there, in my life too
It is me, I feel like I am begging for my Personal Modulator for any slack, and even if I get it, I don't know how to utilize that
Because I am anyway lost missing sense of security
It makes me feel ill to perceive such incomplete control over my behaviour, that I hurt other people
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♥️

I relate on the feeling a burden. It's all so convoluted. I want her to be honest with how she feels. Part of me knows I'm difficult to be with. She doesn't deserve to receive the blunt end of my words

Maybe this to say, it seems like this feeling doesn't necessarily go away when you have a partner.

in other words, "wherever you go, there you are".

That can be seen as a good thing, or bad thing.

Actually, I'm my opinion, neglecting to realize it's both good AND bad, is mistake
 
I want (multiple) intimate relationships AND I want to live alone most nights, at least for now. I don't think there is any other way for me.
 
deficiT said:
I'm sorry you're having issues with sleep. It can suck and be such a massive trigger. I have had an abnormal amount of nightmares and dreams recently too. The other night I woke up and was flailing my legs around, running from whatever it was, I can't remember. Obviously that's not good with a broken leg. Writhed in pain for 30mins or an hour and thankfully fell back asleep, wasn't too bad when I woke up.

Maybe there's just something in the air. Hang in there ❤️
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Aw gracias amigo
I hope you’re doing okay as I write this
Big hug 💜
 
Pissed_and_messed said:
Last 9 posts have all been made by cats
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In Love Cat GIF
 
My homegirl just got a major surgery, got home & in excruciating pain & doctor gave her no meds to deal with post surgery pain. Next day she tried calling all day to explain that she’s in a lot of pain & if they can send her pain medicine for after care. The doctor’s office called her back & said they can’t because the doctor doesn’t believe in opioids that he said “take Tylenol”. She called back the next day because the pain is so severe & the doctor sent over hydroxyzine (allergy medicine?) ?? How the fuck are you allowed to cut someone open & refuse to treat the post surgical pain. That shits really f’d up. What the hell is going on with some of these doctors? How are you allowed to be so cruel?
 
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