• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

🌟🌟 Social 🌟🌟 The Dark Side Social Thread v. Darksiders Forever

deficiT said:
Yep, still at the gf's folks house, currently working part time at the pizza shop down the road. It's alright, but the hours and pay leave a little to be desired. At least it's in walking distance. Feeling like I'll never be able to save up enough to get out of this situation and my emotional health is starting to wane and spiral. I've just been stoic and emotionally mute for what seems like centuries and I'm really starting to lose patience for shit. Like when I sit and think how much of my life is wasted on each and every minute whim that passes through someone else's brain, it really gets frustrating. Like her goddamn mom, bless her heart, she just insists that every little damn detail in the house be perfect exactly like she wants it. I mean like that's the main thing they'll fight about typically. I mean, my gf could definitely practice a little more patience and grace, and not have to be right all the time in every argument, but damnit if it doesn't seem like her mom is literally the exact same way, just a more "mature" and organized version of looking for petty disputes to distract them from whatever it is they're feeling.

Nah, it's all in VA the charges are in VA so I was able to just transfer it all back to here. Everything is complete except the ASAP requirements which I believe are like ten groups, hopefully it's fine to just do zooms, but I imagine they'll also charge some outrageous and outlandish rate to do the groups. It's honestly just a goddamn racket and I'm tired of shutting up and putting up with every damn insane shenanigan of someone else's conception in this universe. It gets tiring.
Click to expand...
I saw your message asking for a collaboration musically. What song do you want to work on?
 
Joey said:
I saw your message asking for a collaboration musically. What song do you want to work on?
Click to expand...
Hey man! Sorry I missed this post, and I think I totally forgot even sending that message lol. I don't think I had anything specific in mind. But for my project, once I get stuff rolling a little bit more and my own equipment, will be based on collaboration and bending through multiple genre's, pretty open ended. I know you love to play Nirvana and stuff like that, that could be a fun place to start but I'm open to anything!

Sorry off topic, but yeah just hmu man.
 
n3ophy7e said:
Hrmmm....there are pros and cons to doing this. Sure it helped with your depression, but for only 2 weeks? There's gotta be a longer solution, surely. How long has this bout of depression gone on for? Like, before the last acid dose?


Drug relationships are unsustainable, imo....you can try and make it work but yeah, just like you said, dat shit is hard man. Is it worth it??
Click to expand...
My cravings for the bad drugs are down/non-existent thanks to LSD and I’ve been prone to taking on more positive life affecting decisions in my life eg. meditation, diet, and exercise that weren’t there before.
 
Somebody fax me some dope FFS. 🥴

... Had a massive altercation with my partner yesterday. Whenever we have the REAL bitter arguments it always involves the fact that I'm a user. He can't stand it and I want my fucking fix. Irresistible force, immovable object and all that.
He said it was basically H or him so I've not had any (for way too long now as far as I'm concerned), and I'm resenting the situation. So that pressure cooker of frustration finally blew up (didn't use, got no access rn anyway, I just told him or rather shouted at him what I thought about it all). Some very harsh things were said on both sides that can't be unsaid.
 
Last edited:
Lately Ive been pushing it a bit more than I was since recently used to doing, I do a few too many basecoke sessions in a week and by now I already did a couple of amp binges in a row of full 8 days and nights straight with only one night sleep and right away start the next binge...

So here is the thing, but dont take it too seriously atm Im not yet really worried this turning dramatic any time soon, but its now about the middle of the night but already since noon I suffer some heart discomfort, like its beating irregularly, and there is some pressure on it, and some mild pain pricks in the middle of my chest (no trouble in my left arm which I know is an important fact, and since I did two more lines of amp during the day and night this irregular beating got a bit worse to the point its also creating some (minor) breathing difficulties...

I dont think this will lead to an actual heart attack, but its still a signal that Im pushing my body too far at this point, and I was planning on taking much better care of both my mind as my body since I started using again...
 
Antiprosynthesis said:
Lately Ive been pushing it a bit more than I was since recently used to doing, I do a few too many basecoke sessions in a week and by now I already did a couple of amp binges in a row of full 8 days and nights straight with only one night sleep and right away start the next binge...

So here is the thing, but dont take it too seriously atm Im not yet really worried this turning dramatic any time soon, but its now about the middle of the night but already since noon I suffer some heart discomfort, like its beating irregularly, and there is some pressure on it, and some mild pain pricks in the middle of my chest (no trouble in my left arm which I know is an important fact, and since I did two more lines of amp during the day and night this irregular beating got a bit worse to the point its also creating some (minor) breathing difficulties...

I dont think this will lead to an actual heart attack, but its still a signal that Im pushing my body too far at this point, and I was planning on taking much better care of both my mind as my body since I started using again...
Click to expand...
Hopefully you are not having a heart attack. Could possibly be the beginning of a panic attack, though.

I don't use amps so do not feel qualified to really talk you through any of this in that context. I do have experience with panic attacks caused by weed and in those instances, it helped to find something to occupy my mind and body rather than dwelling on the physical symptoms. I honestly feel that dwelling and ruminating on things like that can sort of turn it into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Like, am I having a heart attack? Or am I having a panic attack? Oh my god, I'm having a panic attack? Should I go to the hospital? I believe thoughts like that can spiral out of control and actually cause the panic attack to happen.

I almost had a panic attack a couple of weeks ago when I smoked a little too much bud with low tolerance and went straight to bed. Laying in bed I started having racing thoughts and physical symptoms like a muscle spasm in my neck and that ran down to my back. I had to get out of bed and just walk around in circles telling myself I would be okay for like 30-45 minutes until it passed and I was able to actually go to bed and sleep. But heart attack is usually the first thing to cross my mind when a panic attack is imminent.
 
Jerry Atrick said:
Hopefully you are not having a heart attack. Could possibly be the beginning of a panic attack, though.

I don't use amps so do not feel qualified to really talk you through any of this in that context. I do have experience with panic attacks caused by weed and in those instances, it helped to find something to occupy my mind and body rather than dwelling on the physical symptoms. I honestly feel that dwelling and ruminating on things like that can sort of turn it into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Like, am I having a heart attack? Or am I having a panic attack? Oh my god, I'm having a panic attack? Should I go to the hospital? I believe thoughts like that can spiral out of control and actually cause the panic attack to happen.

I almost had a panic attack a couple of weeks ago when I smoked a little too much bud with low tolerance and went straight to bed. Laying in bed I started having racing thoughts and physical symptoms like a muscle spasm in my neck and that ran down to my back. I had to get out of bed and just walk around in circles telling myself I would be okay for like 30-45 minutes until it passed and I was able to actually go to bed and sleep. But heart attack is usually the first thing to cross my mind when a panic attack is imminent.
Click to expand...
Well, in any way, I can safely say that at this particular point in time I feel like I am still really a long way from having any severe panic attack, but Im sure this awaits me in the near future, as days and nights slowly crawl by and I have seen the rather limited signs.of day turning into night turning into day and so on some more times.in my as good as.possible darkened room at some point panic will more and more start to terrorize me...

But at the moment the sleep deprivation is not yet that overly severe and the amp is still very capable creating the illusion Im actually still very clear minded, sharp and fit, and also, I have still more than enough really strong weed to get me thru at.least the entire upcomming day, and weed has a powerful effect on me, it is time and again able to fully calm me down and totally relax me while katapulting me in an even yet quite better mood, in crisis situations some big fat joints are my true saviors, I consider good weed to be one of the most holy drugs in existance, it also helps that weed is all natural, I find it a more than pleasant thought that such a powerful tool to keep great control in my everlasting potentially present madness and insanity is entirely and in every way nothing more than simply a gift.of nature...

Yes, that must have been a difficult moment, I know all too well what its like to have a panic attack, and yes, tho by.now by experience I know that its a panic attack I still always have a distant notion of heart attack somewhere in the outskirts of my mind, luckily for you it didnt fully break through, I know if I have a full blown panic attack things get quite a bit more severe, the fear in me can be so strong for so long that I can seriously start to consider the possibility that - rather soon than late - this immense tension would simply would become too much for me and I then fear Im going to break and completely start freaking, this actually never happens but at that moment it keeps a certain reality value to me, I actually cant even imagine what would happen when I would totally start to freak but Im sure it would end very bad mostly for me...

But like I said, that particular suffdering is still quite some time away Im sure...

But one of the most quintessential aspects of my life is that pending doom is always present...
 
my stepsister had a struggle burying her father.
my dad who i do not talk to has been a massive dick to her
God kills people every day in random ways like car accidents or cancer or some new type of AIDs that we don't even know about, but because I am a turd, God has chosen to make my father immortal and impervious to voodoo dolls to spite my wishes.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top