After waiting too long since New Year for a decent dose, I dived in at 80mg sub-lingual last night and it really knocked me for six. I used alcohol-based mouthwash before dosing (deliberately), I suspect this helped absorption a lot.
I went truly off my rocker. I lay down on my bed and become a free-floating consciousness before following a loop involving me at some point opening my eyes to look around my room.
Each time the room was a slightly different version of my actual room. By turns small then spacious, plastic and uncomfortable then grand and luxurious. The quality of my bed sheets changed.
After deciding I was happy with my room I would try to sit up; this became a struggle against paralysis. My breathing seemed very difficult and I was scared I was falling into unconsciousness. I breathed deliberately, deeply and quickly to rouse myself, while trying to co-ordinate my body. I managed to get up each time. I have no real idea how often I went through this cycle, it seemed like dozens of times but may have been only two or three times.
Once up, I would make my way somewhere. Mostly I remember going to the toilet. Walking was bizarre, my feet felt like skin and bones and moving my body was like moving a scarecrow I inhabited. My flat was very strange and unfamiliar. My reflection appeared like a generic, ugly animal face. No recognisable form, just two eyes, a nose and a mouth on a face. I don't remember doing anything productive in the toilet. Mostly I was just very confused.
At times in this cycle, while back in bed, I became other people and took on their personalities. I lost any idea of who I was as a person, what a human was. I was quite upset to have to be a human, the body seemed a terribly ungainly, ugly and useless thing. I seem to remember being other things but can't quite recall what.
As I was becoming human again, I had that feeling of having "really done it this time". I was convinced I'd gone into permanent lunatic status and didn't know how I was going to live in the real world. I had just enough lucidity to tell that I was deranged and for it to be a bit worrying. This passed though, fortunately, and I am no longer deranged!
I probably remember only half of what happened, maybe less. It was definitely entertaining and next time I go to this level perhaps I'll feel a bit more prepared.
The stimulation - I dosed at about 6.30pm last night and was still awake at around 3am. Long lasting! I thought I would be OK dosing at that time. So I forgot to set my alarm and was late for work! Fool.
Today - I felt a bit out of it until this afternoon. Not in a very bad way, I've been fairly chipper really, but clumsy and a bit scatter brained. It's a shame but I think this is only any use if you are not doing anything the next day.
I am confused about the paralysis and laboured breathing. I've not noticed this before on MXE. I have very little experience with ketamine and haven't noticed it on that either. Is it dangerous? Am I right to have fought it or should I have let myself "slip into unconsciousness"?
Edit: Yes and I did housework, I ironed four shirts in record time at the start of the trip, and once back and capable I washed dishes, unfortunately this involved smashing a perfectly good cafetière, deliberately, for no good reason!
