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The Big & Dandy Ego Death Thread

after reading the article posted in the first few posts (ok ill admit it i only read the first page and a half but hey im gunna be late for work, looking forward to reading more though) I was a bit confused due to what I previousley thought ego death was from posts ive read here on BL. the article mentions the ego as everything that covers up the true "i am", the egos everything that covers up your true consciousness that was there before life happened to you (memories, experiences likes dislikes ect).

here on BL ive read that ego death is when you come to the realization that thats not who you really are and that really we are all one, one energy, one vibration of the universe... but this is not exactley true. ive experienced this many times on many substances on regular dosages. this is merely ego loss, or ego cracking i guesse you would say. ego death is not merely coming to this realization and believing it to be true, it is EXPERIENCING this realization. experiencing first hand a complete destruction and break down of everything you "Know"

i believe now I have a better understanding and ide like to thank phredom for this post wich kind of unclogged that little block in my mind that was preventing me from understanding it.

Phredom said:
the ego is - dimensionsional descriptions that make up who you are as in
all these things make me "Tommy", or all these things make me "Stephanie"
ego loss is - the realization that there is no such thing as "Tommy", or "Stephanie", but there is only the true Self, which we all are part of- that we are all one, meaning there is no other, only oneness.
Click to expand...

but the thing that really fucks with me is experienceing true ego death would would make it impossible for one to know becuase they are no longer there
to say somethng like "I was experiencing ego death" is contradictory in itself right?
 
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^ Good post. I agree completely with your distinction of ego loss and ego death.
 
lol when I first had deep ego submission and woke up from it, I ran out my house yelling "THIS ISNT REAL, NONE OF THIS IS REAL, I CAN DO ANYTHINGGG!!!!1" Truly a majestic night.

Justanotherperson- yes I actually experienced something very similar to that where this white light was emanating from within me and flowing into everything in the room- jsut proved to me that my consciousness is everywhere- everything is me. I, andrew, do not exist but as a figment of the imagination.
 
grimble crumble said:
but the thing that really fucks with me is experienceing true ego death would would make it impossible for one to know becuase they are no longer there
to say somethng like "I was experiencing ego death" is contradictory in itself right?
Click to expand...


Exactly...I think calling it the 'void' gives a better Idea of what I've 'experienced' (or not experienced)...absolute nothingness.
 
Only time ive experienced 'ego death' was through smoking an unknown amount of DMT with the aim of breaking through, so loaded a fair bit (probably too much looking back) which was foolish.

The experience was the most intense thing id ever been through, was totally unprepared for the extreme intensity of the effects.

Within seconds of blowing out my 2nd large hit of the DMT in quick succession, it was as if I was teleported to a completely different realm of existance, where everything was so alien, the utter alieness of this place was as if it were the alien world of another alien. I was unaware of myself, the fact Id smoked any DMT at all (immediate amnesia), unaware of where I was (was in my own room), and I was totally oblivious as to how the hell id reached this place. Pretty freaky.

Nothing existed but this moment now. So I came to the conclusion I no longer existed and I was dead, which really freaked me out, frantically trying to take control of my mind, obviously did not work, so just closed my eyes and waited it out.

Was the first and only time ive experienced ego death, but I found it utterly terrifying, because for perhaps a minute or so until the effects died down I truly believed I was dead while in this void of nothingness. A few minutes later as my ego began to rebuild and I began to piece together what actually happened, I became extremely euphoric and enjoyed some very amazing visuals after this. DMT visuals kick ass, very intrinsic, geometric patterning over everything.

The experience made me question whether this universe we live in actually exists at all or was rather all created within our minds. After thinking about it further, ive just put it down to a bunch of chemicals doing wack shit within your brain to create this amazing time and nothing more then that.

This one experience where my ego died for maybe 2 or so minutes really opened my mind to the beauty and complexity of the human mind. Even though utterly terrifying initally, im glad to have experienced it. And I think its a very worthwhile thing to experience, it expanded and opended my mind greatly.

Definitely not something to be taken lightly though if you're aiming for ego death with DMT, make sure the set and setting is perfect. I was stunned for a good hour after the effects wore off simply thinking 'what the fuck!' pacing around my room but with a large grin on my face.
 
Recept said:
^ Did it occur to you, that what you experienced might have not actually been full-on ego death? There are several degrees of ego loss, the highest of which would be full ego death. I don't think the stories of ego death are exaggerated at all, in fact I think the contrary - no description does the actual experience justice.
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ditto. i was at a point where i was fetal on the ground balling my eyes out experiencing hell created by my attachment to other peoples attachment to me. basicly i felt bad i just might have killed myself. not because i feared experiencing death but feared the pain i may have brought on others unwittingly. eventually a voice or thought went through my head in a very reassuring calm manner simply stating "Trust" and once i allowed that thought to take root i no longer had any worries nor attachments because in my simplest pinpoint of awareness i just knew everything would be ok.

the funny thing about ego death I've noticed in everyone who claims to have experienced it is that eventually the mindset associated with it fades and resets as if it is nothing more than a pleasant memory and in turn suffering begins anew facilitating growth
 
adrian89987 said:
Exactly...I think calling it the 'void' gives a better Idea of what I've 'experienced' (or not experienced)...absolute nothingness.
Click to expand...

sorry for the double post but i just caught this. i often hear this "experiencing of nothing" situation which i find absurd because once you introduce and observer to nothing then nothing is no longer wel nothing is it? injecting an observer or point of observation into nothing in essence is filling the void id think tho i've been wrong before
 
That why I mentioned not experienced

It's really hard to explain I think...of course it isn't pure complete absolute nothingness, since that will probably be completely impossible until I pass on. ..but I think it is as close to nothingness as can be reached...
It's not something that is really experienced. There is no idea of anything happening at all while it happens..more of once the ego starts to claw its way back into existance the realization starts to take hold that there was a period between before and after the ego is at least somewhat present, where 'i' did not exist.

IDK, it's really hard to describe what happened, and since it has only happened once I don't have a complete hold over what it could have been
 
ego death information

so ive been reading some threads on here regarding ego death, and would like some more info about it
im mentally ill, suffer severe depression and am suicidal, some of you may remember me for my last thread, but when i read about ego death people mention shrooms, how does that relate to an ego death?
ive done shrooms in the past, 3.5 grams each time and it depends on how strong they are, the first time i did it i was really trippin hard, saw visiuals and all that but the 2nd time i did it wasnt really as strong, so if you were suicidal and wanted to experience this how would it change your outlook on life, cause ive never experienced life altering changes, if its supposed to happen
 
mindash said:
the funny thing about ego death I've noticed in everyone who claims to have experienced it is that eventually the mindset associated with it fades and resets as if it is nothing more than a pleasant memory and in turn suffering begins anew facilitating growth
Click to expand...


The only significant literature i read before the 'trip' was Tao te ching (and daoism in general) and also The Psychedelic Experience (on erowid, based on the tibetan book of the dead).

that's because as soon as you regain consciousness your ego takes over. the first thing i wanted to do (and i bet many of you are the same) was tried to contact a person/loved one and touch them,feel them,speak to them - to see if i really was alive/back. To establish an axiom, in order for logic to stem. But then i remembered from what i had read to not be scared, and then an intense period of creativity ensured. piles and piles of "poems"(if you could call them that) poured out of me, i could see the 'meaning behind the meaning' in art/religion/etc.

But at that stage (and now) my ego still collected experiences and thus slowly climbed back down to the linear, logical world. That's probably why monks/etc meditate regularly, christians pray regularly, hoffman and friends kept taking psychs. It's like a computer format if you will, but of your mind hahaha
 
Actually, IMO the substance and amount of substance doesn't really matter (i experienced ego death on a relatively small amount of morning glory seeds)

How i did it, was to ignore the visuals no matter if they were good/bad. I just kept reminding my self to "just be" and that everything i was experiencing was just an illusion of my mind. Then i don't really remembered what happened, i somehow ended up in bed the next morning, as my eyes opened i felt intense fear and disorientation, still unable to grasp what had happened.

has it been a life changing experience? Fuck yes. Ask any of my friends and they will tell you im a different person now.

Has it been positive? Not necessarily. Sometimes i just want to be 'normal' again, i cannot just answer things with a simple "yes, no" anymore, i answer with more questions etc and eventually most people just tell me im crazy and to shutup.

However, coincidence or not - my actual life circumstances have changed quite a lot since the experience. My families business keeps getting better by the day (we're nearly doubling the income per day, without even trying :s too bad we're selling it next week lol)

I no longer have any anxiety (used to be heavily socially anxious especially around females, now i make convos with anyone and everyone, not always good though as 99% of the convos end with them telling me to stfu! hahah)

Used to be heavily dependent on drugs for the last few years (the last 2 months was on poppy seed tea/morphine) and afterwards not even any WD's :| Now it's me that uses the drugs, and not the other way around!


Suicide - now i was already sort of suicidal before the experience, but that hasn't changed much (yet). Before, the main thing stopping me was fear. Fear for my family's reaction, and fear for the actual dieing part aswell (it's really hard to find large amounts of benzos and 'strong' opiates where i am :P fuck the physical/painful ways ) and also fear of surviving somehow.

Now, that i have realised fear unnecessary - anywhere, i've sort of grown impartial to suicide. i've 'felt' the everything and nothing, but now i feel like an outsider. as long as im still talking/typing, it is not ME but James, it's like 2 personalities oscillating between each other (im sure we've grouped it as mental 'disability' of somesort). One is Me, aware of the lack of good/bad in the universe, the other is James, still wanting to be accepted and 'normal', still wanting to have a 'normal' conversation for once, still want to sit idly by and let others think for me.

James - wants to down a bunch of valium,booze,morphine,etc and maybe jump off a cliff, because James is scared as he's never experienced this before, and he wants to be comfortable/normal again.

I - just want to enjoy moments as they are and to remember what the lessons the experience gave me. I - wouldn't care if everyone told me to shutup, but James - he cares very much!


So yeah, basically - ego death is going to change your life, no about it. For better or worse? That's just a matter of perspective...
 
toomuchpain said:
so ive been reading some threads on here regarding ego death, and would like some more info about it
im mentally ill, suffer severe depression and am suicidal, some of you may remember me for my last thread, but when i read about ego death people mention shrooms, how does that relate to an ego death?
Click to expand...

There's no magic cure for anything, tripping might help with your emotions and be a very cathartic experience and then again it might upset you and make you even more depressed. That's a call for you to make, providing your old enough to make it. Remember that when you're young feelings like depression can seem a lot more of a big deal than they actually are.

Forget any bullshit about finding "ego-death" from tripping. There's no such thing.
 
The meso-american indians came up with theories about magical gods to explain their feelings when tripping. Now magical gods arn't acceptable anymore, some hoary old theory of "ego-death" has been dusted down to explain things. I think the magical god theory had more evidence supporting it than tales of "ego-death".
 
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