My experience of "the void", as it is known, was certainly not blissful.
This was on an unknown amount of 4-Aco-DMT, I had used the compound many times before but somehow always managed to maintain control. I also (foolishly) believed that 4-Aco-DMT was always friendly, with almost no chance of the trip becoming 'sinister' in any way. Needless to say, I was very, VERY wrong about that assumption and only learnt from my mistake by having one of the most devastating, crushing, ego-dissolving experiences of my life.
I remember ingesting the chemical outside on my back verandah. Things seemed okay at first, but very suddenly everything simply became overwhelmingly intense. I could see halfvisible, otherworldy forms and entities appearing in the air, slowly creeping towards me to the point where they were on my jacket, under my skin, in my hair - I tried to calm myself down and 'go with it' but my emotions and my sense of logic began to disappear frighteningly quickly.
It was cold outside so I moved inside where it was warmer. I didn't remember how to shut the back door, by this time I couldn't see more than a foot in front of me because the OEVs were so powerful - every colour imaginable, every object took on a cartoony, saturated look. But then the paranoia started to set in.
The colours turned a sickly green, yellowish hue and I was snarling. I blacked out completely; I didn't know who I was, what I had become, or where I was. I wasn't on earth, wasn't in my city, I wasn't in my suburb, there were no other people around that I could communicate with. I felt like a frightened child, I was screaming and at one point my flatmate, who had been out for the night, came back inside to find me yelling at nothing. I had drooled on myself, I had torn my clothes, I did not look like myself at all. He tried to calm me down with the distraction of the TV, but I continued to yell occasionally and didn't even realise I was watching TV.
Later when I ventured into the bathroom, I was confronted by effects that I had never thought of in my wildest dreams. I simply ceased to exist. I realised at that point that I was no longer alive or dead, everything that ever seemed to have meaning became meaningless; I was at a point where nothing mattered. I thought I had literally died that night. I thought I could hear sirens, I thought I was being arrested, I felt like I had no control and had no hope of remembering that I had ingested a psychedelic. And yet; at some points it was blissful. Completely surrendered to 'the void'. It felt like I had achieved my true life's purpose, and was now being reborn with another chance.
I had no body and didn't know how to control my limbs. I existed as some kind of dodeccaheedronal entity, with an endless row of fingers on my hands. I couldn't recognise my own reflection in the mirror. I had transcened all contraints of space-time, it felt like this wasn't simply the "fourth dimension" but the seventh or eigth or ninth.
The next morning at 11.30am I was still very much in this space of mind, I hadn't slept all night and was in fear of moving because everything around me existed within a void of space, there was no floor, no ceiling, nothing.
Needless to say, it's an indescribable experience and I have very little memory of what actually occurred that night. I vowed from that point on never to be 'arrogant' with psychedelics, they are humbling, sinister chemicals that will stop at nothing to prove their point.
WHA WHA WHA WHAT !!
a bump of MDMA
