I don't know if anyone responded to this yet. Id like to with a short trip report. Well maybe not a report.
Once I got "There" after synchronicity after synchronicity had me feeling pumped over nothing and then realizing DMT would be perfect and hearing the *ding ding ding* whistle going off in my head confirming that sneaking suspicion I have had for months... I took the pipe I had already loaded weeks ago and was just too afraid to blast off then. Now was the perfect time. I laid back, With a mix of White Sage, a little bit of Dream Herb and a dash of Hops and Passionflower I took the first hit. All is well I was told. No need to hold this first one in excessively long. Just long enough, 10 seconds or less will work. Just remember, GET THE REST OF IT IN. 60+ mgs... have just begun. I begin to take the second hit. I notice the entire bowl amber's up and I have the lung capacity so I go for it. *SSSSSSWWWWWWIIIIIIIIISSSSHHHHHHHHH* says the stream of
( Instantaneously emersed in an emerald, self translucent, true color palace of perfect simplicity and pure perfection. In front of me lies an alter: 3 steps to the center stage and behold- THE picture of my life.)
Literally an alter of liquid metal, polished glossy red floors, glossy bright yellow walls, orange roof, and a golden spectral arch in the center surrounding a picture frame that housed in holographic realtime the bulk of my memories in vivid, simple, perfect clarity- "FINALLY!!! YOU HAVE PREPARED FOR SO LONG! LOOK! THIS IS YOUR TEMPLE! THIS IS YOU!!!!" said the zipping, zapping mechanical digits emoting expressions in response at light speed. Between ME, and the two doorways on each side of this Space these beings, or digits of soul zipped back and forth as if keeping the state of this space perfectly stable and keeping me centered on this image, This Stargate, This Wormhole of a picture on the wall of all my memories. I got the sense this is where I am bound at the moment to end up when I die. This is my after death Space, my own personal temple to meditate in simplicity and to enter into my lifes memories hanging on the wall in front of me at will.
I notice though, A bulk of this image is taken up by a vaaaast green feild, plains of rolling pastures emanating from this image of vast sums of land that take up a huge part of my life!
a slight inkling snapped in my head at this point: Although this is beyond heaven, beautiful, this is just slightly disappointing... The fact that the memories I have on my wall are memories I don't even particularly feel all too strongly or , I don't really approve of this memory, Id rather forget about that time in my life when I was fat, lazy and useless, out in the middle of nowhere... I mean Uhghh
"What? WHats that? You don't like it? Well this is what you have made for yourself, and If you don't like it, YOUR STUCK WITH IT. THIS IS WHAT YOU GOT. YOU DON'T LIKE IT? WELL THEN..."
*as these "digits" wwwwiiiiinnnndddd back...." -FFFFFFFFFFF
*** - FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF *** Anticipation rising as if I had just set off an avalanche of ... Oh no....
****---- FFFFFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK YOU!!!****slamming my heart into itself with the wrath of the ultimate self regret...
*****AND YOU KNOW WHAT???*****
*****
FUCK YOUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!****As this time he, it they pierce me with Daggers of STEEL, CAGING ME IN to the jail cell of self realizing eternal, perpetual shame and guilt... but... bb bbuuutttt wait, I didn't mm mean too...
****aaaannnnddd...****
******Annnnnd Can you Guess what??*******
*********Guess
FFFFFFFFFFFUCK YOUUUUUU!!!!!!**********
as the jail cell of the lowest, worst, most ... utterly as low as omg, OMG WHAT HAVE I DONE- hardens steel - Im not going to be s ss ststuck with this... a aam I?
***********Wait.... YOU BET YOUR ASS YOU WILL BE! AND YOU KNOW WHAT WE THINK ABOUT IT? AND YOU?
FFFFFFUUUUUCK YOUUUUU!!!!!!!**********
***Okay now were done, again, FUCK YOU. WE ARE YOUR MEMORIES, AND WE WILL BE YOUR HELL WETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.****
Wait... it then hit me: So my memories, As beautiful as heaven, depending on how I look at it, your saying heaven and hell are the same thing? Thinking I don't Particularly like this memory was like setting a BOMB off in these machines faces, these digits guts went every which way, as they gathered themselves they really took it hard on me, really got the message clear. I need to come to terms with myself, and accept who I am, where I have been and understand it, become it enough to be able to love it, and ultimately allow those memories that would once enslave me to my own regret in turn liberate me and allow me to transcend, to forgive my own mistakes and move on.
This really wasn't that bad of a memory to begin with but, In this place, Hell... It sure was: I sure don't want those feelings lingering around after im gone.
Loosen up the image a bit, allow something else into your picture... Besides, where do we stand? Is there not enough room left in there for US?
Now the process of cleaning up and making room, but the point is heaven and hell are the same thing, its how you look at it, was the message I got. Wether you let your own self: your own past, your own feelings, your own regrets hold you back, or see into them and allow them to set them free as they are meant to be.
ALL IN ALL: This one was Beautiful as Heaven and terrifying as Hell at different points. The entire scene was beautiful. But it left me with re-assurance, and is pushing me to lean towards not really being so serious about myself anymore. It is helping me to loosen up my picture, and loosen up myself a bit so i'm not so hard on myself and other people around me: and if something goes wrong, let it go: it's not the end of the world, nor does it mean eternal damnation, as long as you get the message clear. If you don't it only gets tougher, only gets more frightening to make the message clear.
