Hey guys... just checking in...
That 16-17mg 5-meo plus the 10mg 4-ho hit me in the mind and feels a lot harder than I thought...
I'm not experiencing any psychotic or manic issues that people usually associate as the dangers of tripping. But it really pushed some repressed memories and feelings right in my face and they just keep standing there staring right at me. The lack of stand out visuals, euphoria, push, drive, and feeling of being so alive hid what the meaning of what it would be later after the trip...
I'm a fucking mess right now. B/C of the trip I can see some toxic ways I've been to myself and others from before any recent tripping and what that's done and while that can be a good thing IT'S TOO MUCH AT ONCE!!! Its breaking my heart and I cry so much now. Normally, I very rarely cry. I had my first panic attack since nearly a year ago. Since then I've hardly been sleeping or eating b/c there's so much on my mind. I feel as if I've reintegrated with parts of me that have been lost for many years and it's given me insight, empathy, and compassion that I thought was lost forever but I can't even begin to tell you how hard it is or if it's going to turn out well. Basic things like getting my work done and showing up on time are still doable but it's a fucking struggle and productivity has a taken a big hit. There's even been a few people worried for me..... There's someone I know I'm talking to tomorrow. Won't be mentioning the drugs but they don't matter for that discussion
Huh... guess the trip doesn't necessarily end once the drug's cleared out of the body... I'll be damned. Even if this goes really bad, at least this here so that maybe there can be something from this experience even if only a cautionary tale...
I'm not denying that there's meaningful beautiful experiences people have with these things... hell maybe I can spin this into something good... but it's scary!!! I don't feel well! Jury's still out for me. I'm thinking hard about seeing a therapist... thing is in the past I've always been to closed in for insight in that setting, I don't think it would be an issue now....
Naturally, If I take again soon it's going to be low doses.
Oky doky... there's my PA for the day. Take care. Like... please... take care. I'll try to do the same

It's hard.