Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

[somnilicious]

Who's here? I'm here that's hoo. Another day down down. Holding steadfast in my recovery. Horizons open up before me... Got some beautiful mountain ledge and river swimming pictures from my sister from another mother dating all the way back to highschool, she's livin her best life and it touch the soul to to see loved ones come through their own storm and living their best . It's my time...

Love you guys. Keep fighting the good fight

 

[deficiT]

Having a hard time mentally today. Feeling depressed and restless. Finding it hard to justify getting out of bed. Sometimes I wish I could sleep forever.

My feels everyday bro it seems. But not today, cause I guess I finally got a new job.

Recently came off opioids, gabapentinoids, APs, SNRIs, and amphetamine, but am now stuck on benzos again. And now I slipped up and did ice like I said I wouldn't.

Fuck. Just nervous for this job, what's worst is I don't have my glasses in yet so I won't be able to see shit.

 

[somnilicious]

I hate that first day anticipation. I know the feeling all 2 well. Here's to hoping everything works out. I'm sure it will. Showing up is half the battle.

How long you been off the cocktail? I walked off the clinic 3mths ago? It was a bumpy road with little stutter steps along the way because I was on 90mgs a day but I found myself topping up from the street with extra methadone. I would not recommend this method. The paws has been very tough.

 

[deficiT]

I hate that first day anticipation. I know the feeling all 2 well. Here's to hoping everything works out. I'm sure it will. Showing up is half the battle.

How long you been off the cocktail? I walked off the clinic 3mths ago? It was a bumpy road with little stutter steps along the way because I was on 90mgs a day but I found myself topping up from the street with extra methadone. I would not recommend this method. The paws has been very tough.

Yeah man I made it through and actually quite liked it. Keeps you moving and thinking, while still being pretty chill. And the dude I was shadowing made some real decent bank just in credit tips, for a not so crazy night. The most tables we had at any one time was 4. I pretty much learned the computer system, well that'll take some time, scribbled orders as fast as I could, and focused on one table personally at one point and helped bus the other areas out when needed or run food.

So, I'm optimistic about the future I just have to be proactive about shit and not get into ruts, stay somewhat productive. I feel like BL sometimes is basically the only productive thing I do in my life, and I otherwise just exist. Just killing time.

 

[deficiT]

But I'll be working the same shift tomorrow and the next day, just making training pay though I think. But I think I can handle the job well the only problem is like carrying awkward things around like plates and cups is sketchy and there's always people passing by you quickly.

 

[deficiT]

How long you been off the cocktail? I walked off the clinic 3mths ago? It was a bumpy road with little stutter steps along the way because I was on 90mgs a day but I found myself topping up from the street with extra methadone. I would not recommend this method. The paws has been very tough.

I kinda lost track of time, but I took my last 2mg Suboxone in the past month or two. And have used kratom like once or twice. Getting better by the day I suppose.

 

[somnilicious]

Miserable today... Sometimes I really want to go back. I'm a shell of a person. Anhedonia sucks.

 

[tokayeahok]

had a month long relapse. on day 6 right now, clean. left all my money with my partner and have been kicking at her parents house. feel disappointed but, we move.

 

[somnilicious]

Feeling Ok... If not a little unenthused and bored today. A lot better than how I felt yesterday afternoon. I tried to drink to lift my spirits but it just turned me into a miserable and angry drunk. It made things a million times worse so I won't be repeating that experience. I think I was so down yesterday because I had been letting my friend stay over and we were hitting non stop dabs for days and I had already been smoking for a week or so. I don't usually smoke as much as I only take a couple of good hits several times a day. Yesterday was my first full day without because my friend left at 1pm the day before that. I can't believe I turned into such a little bitch because I didn't have pot....lol.... Oh well. Totally sobor again today.

 

[somnilicious]

Another day.... Doing the old obligatory post. Don't know why because I don't think anybody will read it anyways. Sobriety is now a routine. I can no longer simply rest on the laurels of having quit. Time to act my way into better habits. Hope everyone is doing well.

 

[tokayeahok]

Feeling Ok... If not a little unenthused and bored today. A lot better than how I felt yesterday afternoon. I tried to drink to lift my spirits but it just turned me into a miserable and angry drunk. It made things a million times worse so I won't be repeating that experience. I think I was so down yesterday because I had been letting my friend stay over and we were hitting non stop dabs for days and I had already been smoking for a week or so. I don't usually smoke as much as I only take a couple of good hits several times a day. Yesterday was my first full day without because my friend left at 1pm the day before that. I can't believe I turned into such a little bitch because I didn't have pot....lol.... Oh well. Totally sobor agai

Another day.... Doing the old obligatory post. Don't know why because I don't think anybody will read it anyways. Sobriety is now a routine. I can no longer simply rest on the laurels of having quit. Time to act my way into better habits. Hope everyone is doing well.

about on day 9. doing well still. have been only sleeping 2 hours a night the last 3-4 days and it’s driving me mental nearly. holding steady. kratom keeping me happy sorta

 

[kiely]

Really horrible nasty and awful. Yeah. But that's what it's like sometimes.

Maybe it could be worse. Or better to always try. Which means making an effort could make it all a whole lot better.
Hopefully.

The tiredness feels like it's just killing me. More like (lethargy.) But I still get up and out and do things. Sometimes.
But it gets better. I guess it can and it does.

So, Peace is not the not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it, I guess.

I can feel depression. I am getting better with a lot of the post acute syndrome and am still working through the autoimmune levels and it is
at a better baseline now too.

But I'm still pretty horrible but I will say okay . . . I'm going to get better. I'm still taking vitamins again. Whole milk is good too for fatty good protein
and lot's of sustenance.



Edit: low fat or 2 or 3 percent milk has too much added sugar I hear.

 

[somnilicious]

Really horrible nasty and awful. Yeah. But that's what it's like sometimes.

Maybe it could be worse. Or better to always try. Which means making an effort could make it all a whole lot better.
Hopefully.

The tiredness feels like it's just killing me. More like (lethargy.) But I still get up and out and do things. Sometimes.
But it gets better. I guess it can and it does.

So, Peace is not the not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it, I guess.

I can feel depression. I am getting better with a lot of the post acute syndrome and am still working through the autoimmune levels and it is
at a better baseline now too.

But I'm still pretty horrible but I will say okay . . . I'm going to get better. I'm still taking vitamins again. Whole milk is good too for fatty good protein
and lot's of sustenance.



Edit: low fat or 2 or 3 percent milk has too much added sugar I hear.

How much time do you have? I made it thirteen months once after being on 180mgs of methadone and 4-6mgs of Klonopin for about 10yrs. I was definitely still rough and having a difficult time.

 

[tokayeahok]

day 9 clean today. think i slept 3 1/2 hours of sleep but doesn’t feel like it. eyes are bloodshot

 

[Whitey69]

Greetings,

After failing pretty much everyday all year at getting clean, (started fucking around again last december, using at work to avoid w/ds by janurary) I thnk I've decided to try and get in a Methadone clinic. Currently I'm on blues (PHX) and do (snort/smoke 80/20) atleast 5 up to 15 a day. Living like total shit compared to when I was clean. Those fuckin blues are like a bioweapon I hate em. Literally the high is non existant, not like when people say "benzos dont even get you high," these only make you fall sleep or nod and not in a good way. I used to be addicted to pharma fent, smoking more than one 100mcg/hr patch a day and shooting them occasionally. The high from those was ass compared to oxy or smack or anything else, and still leagues better than these fuckers. Should be easy to stop then right? fuggggg. I've never done anything that gets you physically dependant after using a couple throughout one day. When I first was using these I would snort literally a 16th at a time LOL. Can't be sick at work and these are really hard to taper from. I really hate to go from something that will keep you sick for a week to methodone which what has wds that last 2 months or something crazy. BUT, I see my life going to shit real bad I'll probably end up losin my job and bein homeless in this Hot ass fuckin desert.

Does anyone have advice for gettin off these shits? I started using drugs at 12, heroin at 16, am 24 now. Probably about two of those years combined I've been sober. Rehab 2x (15 and 18) so I know all the book learning on how to be sober. Never been on methadone but I have been on suboxone for 30 days inpatient then secured only one script for them when I got out so I used tar (successfully) to get through the wds. I was thinking maybe trying to use done for a month then doing a long taper with subs to get clean. With some heavy psych n marijuana use of course.

Thanks for reading please help me to not be such a piece of shit.

 

[deficiT]

Greetings,

After failing pretty much everyday all year at getting clean, (started fucking around again last december, using at work to avoid w/ds by janurary) I thnk I've decided to try and get in a Methadone clinic. Currently I'm on blues (PHX) and do (snort/smoke 80/20) atleast 5 up to 15 a day. Living like total shit compared to when I was clean. Those fuckin blues are like a bioweapon I hate em. Literally the high is non existant, not like when people say "benzos dont even get you high," these only make you fall sleep or nod and not in a good way. I used to be addicted to pharma fent, smoking more than one 100mcg/hr patch a day and shooting them occasionally. The high from those was ass compared to oxy or smack or anything else, and still leagues better than these fuckers. Should be easy to stop then right? fuggggg. I've never done anything that gets you physically dependant after using a couple throughout one day. When I first was using these I would snort literally a 16th at a time LOL. Can't be sick at work and these are really hard to taper from. I really hate to go from something that will keep you sick for a week to methodone which what has wds that last 2 months or something crazy. BUT, I see my life going to shit real bad I'll probably end up losin my job and bein homeless in this Hot ass fuckin desert.

Does anyone have advice for gettin off these shits? I started using drugs at 12, heroin at 16, am 24 now. Probably about two of those years combined I've been sober. Rehab 2x (15 and 18) so I know all the book learning on how to be sober. Never been on methadone but I have been on suboxone for 30 days inpatient then secured only one script for them when I got out so I used tar (successfully) to get through the wds. I was thinking maybe trying to use done for a month then doing a long taper with subs to get clean. With some heavy psych n marijuana use of course.

Thanks for reading please help me to not be such a piece of shit.

I would at least give longer term Suboxone a shot, personally. If you plan on getting on maintenance for a little while. That's what I had to do to get clean after ten years of opioid use, but I'm finally off and definitely feel better for it. Methadone hooks you pretty bad, and I'd only switch to that if Suboxone really just isn't doing the trick after trying it.

Or fuck try kratom. I mean, any of those options is preferable to snorting and smoking those pills. You're going to have to wait some time to take your Suboxone dose to avoid precipitated wd whether you come onto it from methadone or not. I would just go straight to subs, personally.

 

[deficiT]

Find a hobby or some kind of outlet. Some people you can speak freely to without risk of judgement. Life really smacks you in the face when you get off the dope wagon just how much time and money and life is wasted away on that shit. And it takes time to recover from absolutely, but it can be done.

 

[Whitey69]

Find a hobby or some kind of outlet. Some people you can speak freely to without risk of judgement. Life really smacks you in the face when you get off the dope wagon just how much time and money and life is wasted away on that shit. And it takes time to recover from absolutely, but it can be done.

Luckily I'm pretty into lifting and generally doing fun shit outdoors, just slowly stopped for whatever reason.. Even had hobbies on black lol but blues are really different cause your pretty much sick or asleep. Congrats on being clean, dont try and chip with blues I don't think it's possible.

 

[deficiT]

Yeah, my main factor has been finding the motivation to do anything for so long. Like I've just been broke and went through a bunch of jobs in a short period and I started to just completely detach myself from my environment almost. I still feel halfway that way. Like I'm stepping through two worlds, one in which of course there's something I could be doing proactive, like playing music, writing, going on a walk, and in the other world I'm content to just completely veg and rest and do absolutely nothing besides bare minimum for days.

And it feels like I lost track of some days in a sense, and now I'm scrambling to step up fully back into the land of the living, the normal functioning adult that does a job, and I'm scared shitless I'm gonna fuck it up. But, I'm gonna go into it positive and just try to help as much as I can.

 

[tokayeahok]

Greetings,

After failing pretty much everyday all year at getting clean, (started fucking around again last december, using at work to avoid w/ds by janurary) I thnk I've decided to try and get in a Methadone clinic. Currently I'm on blues (PHX) and do (snort/smoke 80/20) atleast 5 up to 15 a day. Living like total shit compared to when I was clean. Those fuckin blues are like a bioweapon I hate em. Literally the high is non existant, not like when people say "benzos dont even get you high," these only make you fall sleep or nod and not in a good way. I used to be addicted to pharma fent, smoking more than one 100mcg/hr patch a day and shooting them occasionally. The high from those was ass compared to oxy or smack or anything else, and still leagues better than these fuckers. Should be easy to stop then right? fuggggg. I've never done anything that gets you physically dependant after using a couple throughout one day. When I first was using these I would snort literally a 16th at a time LOL. Can't be sick at work and these are really hard to taper from. I really hate to go from something that will keep you sick for a week to methodone which what has wds that last 2 months or something crazy. BUT, I see my life going to shit real bad I'll probably end up losin my job and bein homeless in this Hot ass fuckin desert.

Does anyone have advice for gettin off these shits? I started using drugs at 12, heroin at 16, am 24 now. Probably about two of those years combined I've been sober. Rehab 2x (15 and 18) so I know all the book learning on how to be sober. Never been on methadone but I have been on suboxone for 30 days inpatient then secured only one script for them when I got out so I used tar (successfully) to get through the wds. I was thinking maybe trying to use done for a month then doing a long taper with subs to get clean. With some heavy psych n marijuana use of course.

Thanks for reading please help me to not be such a piece of

f

Yeah, my main factor has been finding the motivation to do anything for so long. Like I've just been broke and went through a bunch of jobs in a short period and I started to just completely detach myself from my environment almost. I still feel halfway that way. Like I'm stepping through two worlds, one in which of course there's something I could be doing proactive, like playing music, writing, going on a walk, and in the other world I'm content to just completely veg and rest and do absolutely nothing besides bare minimum for days.

And it feels like I lost track of some days in a sense, and now I'm scrambling to step up fully back into the land of the living, the normal functioning adult that does a job, and I'm scared shitless I'm gonna fuck it up. But, I'm gonna go into it positive and just try to help as much as I can.

Yeah, my main factor has been finding the motivation to do anything for so long. Like I've just been broke and went through a bunch of jobs in a short period and I started to just completely detach myself from my environment almost. I still feel halfway that way. Like I'm stepping through two worlds, one in which of course there's something I could be doing proactive, like playing music, writing, going on a walk, and in the other world I'm content to just completely veg and rest and do absolutely nothing besides bare minimum for days.

And it feels like I lost track of some days in a sense, and now I'm scrambling to step up fully back into the land of the living, the normal functioning adult that does a job, and I'm scared shitless I'm gonna fuck it up. But, I'm gonna go into it positive and just try to help as much as I can.

feel like you took the words right out of my mouth. i’m as well sometimes writing music, journaling, and going on walks & the other time i’m just simply existing and vegged in bed. i’ve been through so many silly jobs and odds & ends etc and i just feel defeated.

keep it bruv