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Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

Had an afternoon drink today and it turned me into a miserable asshole. Spent the afternoon bitching at everyone and being a dick. I don't know why but it made me so depressed and angry. This has happened a few times. I just feel so down, no motivation, attention span or desire to do anything. I hope I get some reprieve soon. This methadone shit is no joke. Last time I had to deal with it was 2015 so I kinda forgot how long PAWS lasts.
 
Well... It's official. I now have a cold on top of everything else. My throat is sore, swollen glands, runny nose, achy body and chills. My previous body pains were not the normal aching from a cold but now it definitely is. I'm so immuno compromised rt now.
 
I plan to take care of myself well this month. Self care, staying strong & not abusing my meds or my system by fn around & not eating & just drinking coffee like I tend to do when stressed.
Vitamins, love, sunshine & kitty cuddles
Many blessings to all 💜
 
Dreamflyer said:
Between Klonopin withdrawal and self-treating with too much alcohol, this past week has been one of my worst ever. I basically haven't eaten or slept much at all. I've too busy puking, shaking, s#!tting and sweating.

As we speak, I've been awake for 3 days straight. Now that I've been off of Klon for 10 days, I started to taper off of the beer last week.

This is actually the best I've felt. Yesterday I managed to eat a banana, a plum, an apricot and a handful of pretzels.

When I go this long without sleep, I get so overtired that I'm almost borderline manic. I feel as though I could stay up forever right now. Hopefully tonight I can get a few hours in.
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Hope you’re doing okay as I’m writing this Dreamflyer
Many blessings 💜
 
I wound up getting really sick yesterday. I tried to have one drink yesterday and I could only get half of it down as it seems alcohol has completely turned on me. My nerves felt like they were on fire and for 5-6hrs I had the worst headache I've ever had in my life. It felt like my brain was going to explode. Then later on in the evening I started feeling like I couldn't breath and started chocking on my own phlegm. No matter how much I blew my nose I still had a bunch of fluid in my throat and what felt like my lungs. All this was going on when I hadn't slept for days. I could barely hold my head up but couldn't lay down because it made the headache and breathing situation worse. I was so close to going to the hospital but then the headache went away and I passed out. I got about 7hrs broken sleep. Not sure how I feel today yet.
 
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somnilicious said:
I wound up getting really sick yesterday. I tried to have one drink yesterday and I could only get half of it down as it seems alcohol has completely turned on me. My nerves felt like they were on fire and for 5-6hrs I had the worst headache I've ever had in my life. It felt like my brain was going to explode. Then later on in the evening I started feeling like I couldn't breath and started chocking on my own phlegm. No matter how much I blew my nose I still had a bunch of fluid in my throat and what felt like my lungs. All this was going on when I hadn't slept for days. I could barely hold my head up but couldn't lay down because it made the headache and breathing situation worse. I was so close to going to the hospital but then the headache went away and I passed out. I got about 7hrs broken sleep. Not sure how I feel today yet.
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This happened when I would drink hand sanitizer. I would get so fucking sick where even after getting sick to my stomach, the sick would linger, and later I wouldn't be able to keep any other alcohol down like beer, I'd throw it up also. Was putting myself in DTs by not being able to drink. Shit was terrible.
Hope you get feeling better man.
 
The opioid PAWS have been vicious lately. I hadn't taken either kratom or bupe for at least a couple weeks. But damn was it hard to not be depressed as fuck, I could barely get out of bed. I'm showing my buddy around DC today and knew I couldn't manage if I didn't get some kratom, which ultimately I did.

Just a small bag of store bought capsules. I'm hoping to just finish the bag and not get sucked back into daily use. But the PAWS have really been brutal and prolonged, probably because I used opioids heavily for about 10 years, between kratom, bupe, or dope.

But once I first dosed I got that weight of the world lifting from your shoulders feeling. Idk how I've been white knuckling it for so long.

But I've successfully quit effexor, abilify, gabapentin, Vyvanse and I take the occasional seroquel.

At this point I'm compensating for all of it with bromazolam, and ashwaghanda, and yeah, it's not ideal because I've taken such a large amount in an extended period now.

I believe I am going to have to put myself through medical detox to get myself off of the benzos, if I should ever need to do a drug screen for a job, I definitely would fail and I think a lot of it has built up in my system.

Anyway, that's where I'm at.
 
somnilicious said:
Well I had 2 drinks yesterday, 1 each at separate times of the day. I got 3.5hrs of broken sleep filled with lots of weird dreaming I can't remember. I'm happy I got sleep but everytime I do I wake up with the worst brain fog. I'm also dealing with extreme fatigue like I always do when I come off methadone. Let this be the last time.

Having lots of negative thoughts and fears about the future. Overall I'm alright but after being on opiates and methadone all these years this has been an extremely difficult journey.

Peace out and good luck to everybody. May you all have a wonderful day.
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Wishing you strength and peace in your mission homie 🙏 Don't let that future anxiety eat you up. I have that problem. Hard to live in the moment when I feel like I have no future for some reason.
 
deficiT said:
The opioid PAWS have been vicious lately. I hadn't taken either kratom or bupe for at least a couple weeks. But damn was it hard to not be depressed as fuck, I could barely get out of bed. I'm showing my buddy around DC today and knew I couldn't manage if I didn't get some kratom, which ultimately I did.

Just a small bag of store bought capsules. I'm hoping to just finish the bag and not get sucked back into daily use. But the PAWS have really been brutal and prolonged, probably because I used opioids heavily for about 10 years, between kratom, bupe, or dope.

But once I first dosed I got that weight of the world lifting from your shoulders feeling. Idk how I've been white knuckling it for so long.

But I've successfully quit effexor, abilify, gabapentin, Vyvanse and I take the occasional seroquel.

At this point I'm compensating for all of it with bromazolam, and ashwaghanda, and yeah, it's not ideal because I've taken such a large amount in an extended period now.

I believe I am going to have to put myself through medical detox to get myself off of the benzos, if I should ever need to do a drug screen for a job, I definitely would fail and I think a lot of it has built up in my system.

Anyway, that's where I'm at.
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Wow I give you a lot of credit for all of it … but especially that Effexor is a bitch to get off. I struggle a lot with the opioids & benzos as well, I do legitimately use them for ptsd & pain for all my many injuries like when I broke my jaw ect. & tryin to get everything fixed but to be honest I struggled with them for years before that as well I used to have a huge roxi problem (back when roxi’s were actually roxi’s.) Anyways I understand that depression all too well.

Anyways, I’m sure I’m doing the insomnia rambling… but I hope you have a good or decent day with your buddy. You’re amazing never forget that
Many blessings 💜
 
Ds said:
Picked up 5 months clean and sober the other day on the 21st. Been working pretty fucking hard on my recovery game. Have a few sponsees now and helping them through the steps, same way I was brought through them.
Actively chairing meetings and doing the topics. Fellowshipping and going out to eat and doing fun shit after the meeting is part of it too.
I didn't get sober to become miserable. I did so to live happy, joyous and free from drug and alcohol addiction.
I embraced the program because I had nothing else. I tried everything, and the only thing that worked was drug detox and diving head first into the 12 step program.
Yeah I was weary on the whole God concept, then I realized that my God is a molecule. Like the DMT molecule. Something that has helped me grow and see and touch life.
& It all clicked.
It just works. Didn't need anything fancy. Just straight up ass whipping and remaining teachable.
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upiuYv6.gif


You made it. And I know you can.

I always remember those tall standing poles and towers. And all of the views.

That's the way D do it. 👅
 
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Reactions: Ds
Ds said:
This happened when I would drink hand sanitizer. I would get so fucking sick where even after getting sick to my stomach, the sick would linger, and later I wouldn't be able to keep any other alcohol down like beer, I'd throw it up also. Was putting myself in DTs by not being able to drink. Shit was terrible.
Hope you get feeling better man.
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I was mainly sick from the flu but I don't know why all of a sudden even one alcoholic drink leaves me feeling like I've been poisoned. I had only been drinking one or two drinks a day prior to this happening the last few days.

Well anyways, feeling really down today. What's new. Laying in a dark room with no T.V or noise because I can't stand to see the world or be bothered. Contemplating going to get poppy seeds. I hate to start giving up but the suck is unbearable right now. I Wish I had pot. I guess I could always drink myself stupid with all the whiskey at my disposal but that sounds just as miserable as laying in darkened silence while staring into the abyss.
 
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gordonliddy said:
I noticed that you're taking a break from using. Are you still experiencing the intial symptoms of detox?
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I detoxed pretty heavy last month from tramadol, diluadid & benzos (it was pretty rough but nothing compared to how bad I used to use back in my twenties)
This week I’ve been getting a lot of dental work done (root canals, ect.) on my back teeth I had cracked molars & stuff from when I broke my jaw years ago & finally getting to a place that I can open my jaw wide enough to get the work done … but I’ve been in a lot of pain between my jaw & the dental work this week so I’ve been taking tramadol again… this week more than I prob should have & benzos to deal with ptsd flashbacks. But nothing too crazy so hopefully this week I can go back way lower & be alright. I’m still a work in progress, the one thing I’ve been committed to is that I haven’t drank alcohol in six years & I actually haven’t smoked weed in about four months. Lol sorry I’m sure that was probably a really long all over the place answer that I hope made any sense.
 
AngelsandFairiesarereal said:
Wow I give you a lot of credit for all of it … but especially that Effexor is a bitch to get off. I struggle a lot with the opioids & benzos as well, I do legitimately use them for ptsd & pain for all my many injuries like when I broke my jaw ect. & tryin to get everything fixed but to be honest I struggled with them for years before that as well I used to have a huge roxi problem (back when roxi’s were actually roxi’s.) Anyways I understand that depression all too well.

Anyways, I’m sure I’m doing the insomnia rambling… but I hope you have a good or decent day with your buddy. You’re amazing never forget that
Many blessings 💜
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Thank you for all of your kind words 🙏
 
kiely said:
I try to take one day at a time but sometimes several days
attack me at once.
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The serenity prayer can help out when shit hits you all at once, by just saying it slowly and meditating on the words and meaning of the words & repeating it, will ground you. It's not like you are saying it at a meeting, you are saying it as if your life depends on it. That God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can & the wisdom to actually know the difference. By spelling it out, three stages, breaking it down into phases, but said at once.
For me if I'm in a situation where I'm saying the serenity prayer then I'm not in a great mind space, and will usually contact a friend or my sponsor if it's troubling enough.
Tired of the AA cliches' though sometimes those things too will help dial me back into the steps and into the rooms.
I hear women share all the time of 'where they are at in their program's in meetings, and by just sharing shit unrelated to the topic is what the discussion meetings are about. & The great thing is that afterwords no one is going to take you out back and shoot you. Usually people will pull up and tell you to just keep coming back.
AA is the only club I know of that loves you even more for fucking up and making it back to the rooms to start over. ❤️
 
I need that Prayer right now. I'm crying. Damn how does this happen.

I have to find it right now. 😭


edit: It's helping.

. . . . . so hear it be in thy name

oh s#!t's i'm sick rn
 
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The “Serenity Prayer,” provides simple wisdom for complicated people and puts the focus on acceptance and action.
 
Grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, Courage to change the things which should be changed, and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other. Living one day at a time, Enjoying one moment at a time, Accepting hardship.
 
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