Tell a shit joke

[BecomingJulie]

Appropriately enough for today:

Q. What has a Light Side, a Dark Side and holds the Universe together?
A. Duct tape.

 

[CFC]

 

[thegunman]

A guy walks into a bar with a roll of asphalt under his arm and says a beer please and one for the road

 

[CFC]

 

[BecomingJulie]

Still doing my best for cross-channel crapjokery:

Q. What did René Magritte say when the prostitute he had paid €50 for a blow-job pulled a knife on him?
A. Ceci n'est pas un pipe!

 

[consumer]

Umm these french jokes go over my head

 

[CFC]

I witnessed an attempted murder earlier…



Luckily only one crow showed up!

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

Past, present and future walked into a bar.

It was a tense situation...

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

"Fasting".


What a Rastafarian says when he sees a Porsche...

 

[CFC]

What do you call a rough neighbourhood in Italy?



A Spaghetto!

 

[Buspersons Holiday]

Why did the crab get arrested?






It kept pinching things

 

[BecomingJulie]

Which of these is the odd one out?

• Germany
• Ireland
• Greece
• Staffordshire

NSFW:

C. There isn't a popular breed of dog called a Greek something.

 

[Sadie]

Today I learned that it's not PC to call someone a tweaker.

They are Methican Americans.

 

[Tranced]

Did anybody hear the one about the Spanish spacejunk?

He was a Señor moderator!!!!

 

[zephyr]

He had to read ze manuel!

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

Diane Abbott was today informed that a Brazilian had been shot by police.

Her response was: "OMG, how many is a Brazilian?"

 

[keeping]

Diane Abbott was today informed that a Brazilian had been shot by police.

Her response was: "OMG, how many is a Brazilian?"

haaaaaa that one actually took me a while, thought it had something to do with a bikini wax :D

 

[Buspersons Holiday]

This joke made me howl with laughter when my friend made me watch a programme called 'Love Island' all night, last weekend & one of the bizarre, self-obsessed characters told it
I may get it wrong in the re-telling and I need some interaction for this to work I think.....(to be honest I can only remember the punch line right now, so I may be making the rest up as I go along)

So...how many types of owl can you name?

 

[keeping]

This joke made me howl with laughter when my friend made me watch a programme called 'Love Island' all night, last weekend & one of the bizarre, self-obsessed characters told it
I may get it wrong in the re-telling and I need some interaction for this to work I think.....(to be honest I can only remember the punch line right now, so I may be making the rest up as I go along)

So...how many types of owl can you name?

barn, woodland, tawny, eerrrrr that's about it

 

[Fingersfan]

The uk's most common owl. The Tea-towel....