Tell a shit joke

[BecomingJulie]

A tourist in London asks a busker, "How do I get to the Royal Albert Hall?"

The busker replies, "Oh, man, you just gotta practise like fuck!"

 

[steewith2ees]

A tourist in London asks a busker, "How do I get to the Royal Albert Hall?"

The busker replies, "Oh, man, you just gotta practise like fuck!"

UK version of the old Carnegie Hall one isn't it?

 

[SmokinDaShards]

[[No offense to the gays]]


You're so gay, if it was raining titties... you'd get hit by a dick!

 

[BecomingJulie]

UK version of the old Carnegie Hall one isn't it?

Wait, what ..... they have a version of essentially the same joke in NYC?

Actually, the only thing that would surprise me less than that joke existing in every language, and mentioning every prestigious concert venue, would be for someone to have collected up every version in one handy website.

 

[steewith2ees]

Yeh, but it's more nation wide than just a NYC pun

'How do you get to Carnegie Hall'

'Practise!'

I'd been hearing that for years before I could be arsed to look up what it meant. Never been to NYC, not familiar with most of their large venues (I'd heard of Madison Square Garden I think and that was about it.)

 

[Buspersons Holiday]

What insect can never be understood?





A mumble-bee

 

[KingOfWessex]

why did the spider cross the road?

To get into Amanda holders ear canal, make a nest , populate and hopefully hurt the bitch.

 

[Buspersons Holiday]

why did the spider cross the road?

To get into Amanda holders ear canal, make a nest , populate and hopefully hurt the bitch.

Oh what happened to that sweet little King who loved everyone last night & wasn't going to post again??!
Welcome back to mean street!

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

An Asian man, Mr. Al Kali, was the victim of an acid attack today.

The perpetrator was charged with a salt...

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

I'm a boring old cunt that's full of shit. All I have to do now is dye my hair ginger and change my name to Chris Evans, then I'll be fuckin minted...

 

[CFC]

An Asian man, Mr. Al Kali, was the victim of an acid attack today.

The perpetrator was charged with a salt...

Funny funny!

 

[Rachella666]

Why did the 2 fannys go into the pub?

To get langers xD

 

[Rachella666]

Did you hear about the sex perverted egg?

He went about with his YOLK hanging out XDDDDD

 

[Speed King]

Why were there so many casualties in the war?

Because when the caption said get down, everyone got up and started dancing

 

[BecomingJulie]

Q. How did Lady Gaga get her style?
A. She married the Knight!

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

Not so much of a joke as an observation...


Calling all affluent, bigoted and insular daily mail readers who voted Brexit; did you ever stop to consider the fact that you will no longer be able to hold up the queues in the local shop as you painstakingly put your Euromillions numbers on?!

Oh no, now you'll have to hold up the queues in the local shop while you blow your final salary pensions on shitloads of scratch cards - you bunch of moneygrabbing oldcunts...!!


Sorry, but it's fuckin true...

 

[BecomingJulie]

Q. What's got no legs, a forked tongue and works in the Public Sector?

A. One of Her Majesty's Civil Serpents!

 

[Shambles]

Why did the toilet paper fail to cross the road?

Cos it got stuck in a crack.

 

[Limpet_Chicken]

Katie price (jordan) has a child named bunny. How inappropriate. I was always led to believe that bunnies were pulled from a wizard's hat, not a wizard's sleeve.

How to you stop theresa may drowning?
Take your foot off the back of her head.

Why did the redneck hick cross the road? because he couldn't get his knob out of the chicken's arse.

Whats the best way to stop a chav getting run over?
Stab him in the spine and leave him a quadriplegic so he can't walk into the road.

 

[BecomingJulie]

Q. What can you cook with a courgette, an aubergine, a tomato and a machine gun?
A. Ratatatatatouille .....