Tell a shit joke

[Shambles]

A Glasgow man - steaming and skint - is walking down Argyle Street.

He spots a guy tinkering with the engine of his car!

"What's up Jimmy?" he asks.

"Piston broke," he replies.

"Aye, same as masel."

Basically a native now, K. Innit

 

[BecomingJulie]

For those of you who like to keep up with the differences between vegetarian, pescetarian, demi-veg, quasi-veg, flexitarian, vegan, palaeolithic, macrobiotic, gluten-free, low-carbohydrate, high-fibre, Kosher, Halal, I-Tal, Lenten fare, biosynchronous and other diets, I have great delight in bringing you: The ASCIItarian diet. ASCIItarians still eat m**t, but "star out" certain words when typing them, such as b**f, p*rk, l*mb, c***k*n, b*c*n and so forth. There is a branch of very strict ASCIItarians who even go so far as to star out m*lk and ch**se; with controversies raging over y**st and h*n*y.

 

[Edgingit]

what do you call a man with a condom on his face......

Fuck nose

 

[BecomingJulie]

Q. Why did the condom cross the road?

A. Because it got pissed off!

 

[Edgingit]

whats the difference between clint eastwood and anal sex.....

 

[Edgingit]

one will make your day.. and one will make your hole week

 

[BecomingJulie]

I don't know; what is the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex?

 

[Edgingit]

see above lol

 

[Edgingit]

Dear lord I hope you saw the reply and arent still hanging!!

 

[zombywoof]

i can cut wood just by looking at it.

Its true i saw it with my own eyes

 

[KingOfWessex]

The only gift i got at the christmas family get together this year was a grain of rice......

Thanks a lot Uncle Ben!

 

[herbavore]

A few of my friends have hemorroids . The rest are perfect assholes.

 

[alasdairm]

Why did the French chef kill himself?

He lost the huile d'olive.

i absolutely love, love, love this joke. so perfect.

alasdair

 

[Shambles]

A wee boy goes into a cake shop and points in the window and says "Is that a cake or a meringue?"

"No, you're right," says the baker, "it's a cake."

A few of my friends have hemorroids . The rest are perfect assholes.

 

[BecomingJulie]

Q. What's the difference between a packet of Polos, and Wales?

A. One's a mint with a hole in it, the other is a hole with a Mint in it!

 

[BecomingJulie]

Q. Why is K. D. Lang a vegetarian?

A. Because she can't stand gravy .....

 

[consumer]

Q. Why is K. D. Lang a vegetarian?

A. Because she can't stand gravy .....

I just dont get that one Julie.

 

[Bearlove]

Anal sex is a lot like spinach: if you're forced to have it as a child, you won't enjoy it as an adult.

 

[consumer]

Anal sex is a lot like spinach: if you're forced to have it as a child, you won't enjoy it as an adult.

Very true. I still dont get Julies joke. Am i missing something?

 

[Mushwood]

Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a cliff?



Coz he hated the bitch...