Tell a shit joke

[ScotchMist]

How did the tallest animal in the world feel when he was hungover?

Gi-rough.

 

[deano88]

Religious Shit

Taoism Shit happens.
Buddhism If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Islam If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
Protestantism Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Judaism Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism This shit happened before.
Catholicism Shit happens because you're bad.
Hare Krishna Shit happens rama rama.
T.V. Evangelism Send more shit.
Atheism No shit.
Jehova's Witness Knock knock, shit happens.
Hedonism There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Christian Science Shit happens in your mind.
Agnosticism Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Rastafarianism Let's smoke this shit.
Existentialism What is shit anyway?
Stoicism This shit doesn't bother me.
(jokes4us.com/religiousjokes/buddhistjokes.html)

offtopic why isnt this linked to the previous joke thread? there were some good ones in there too

can you link me to the previous joke thread please

 

[SkyblueMolly]

People: You've gone MAD WITH POWER!
Me: Of course I've gone mad with power. You've tried going mad without power?
People:Uh?
Me: Of course you didn't! Why?
People: Uh?!?
Me: Because it sucks! Nobody listens to you!

^Crappy joke and cricket sounds.

 

[deano88]

People: You've gone MAD WITH POWER!
Me: Of course I've gone mad with power. You've tried going mad without power?
People:Uh?
Me: Of course you didn't! Why?
People: Uh?!?
Me: Because it sucks! Nobody listens to you!

^Crappy joke and cricket sounds.

thats shit even be this threads standards

 

[moshforjesus]

what's green and smells of bacon?




kermit's fingers

 

[HouseFever]

Q: What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A: Well hung.

 

[BecomingJulie]

Q. Why did the baker have brown fingers?

A. Because he kneaded a pooh!

 

[HouseFever]

Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

To draw the curtians

 

[deano88]

q: What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A: Well hung.

lol

 

[nAON]

So the other day I was at the zoo. It was awful - didn't have any tigers, no bears, no lions, nothing at all. All they had was one dog in a cage. It was a shih-tzu.

 

[Ismene]

A journalist asked Paul McCartney "Will you be going down on one knee again"? and he replied "I'd prefer if you called her Heather".

 

[Eveleivibe]

A journalist asked Paul McCartney "Will you be going down on one knee again"? and he replied "I'd prefer if you called her Heather".

Hahahaha

Evey

 

[BecomingJulie]

Q. Pourquoi une montre s'appelle une montre?

R. Parce qu'elle montre l'heure!

 

[swampdragon]

Is that a really really shit joke or do I need you to explain it?

 

[Hangover]

People: You've gone MAD WITH POWER!
Me: Of course I've gone mad with power. You've tried going mad without power?
People:Uh?
Me: Of course you didn't! Why?
People: Uh?!?
Me: Because it sucks! Nobody listens to you!

^Crappy joke and cricket sounds.

I knew I heard this before

NSFW:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pEGT5bg400

 

[BecomingJulie]

Is that a really really shit joke or do I need you to explain it?

No, it's just a really lousy pun on the coincidence between the French words for "watch" and "it shows".

 

[swampdragon]

Ahh, cool, just checking I wasn't missing something!

 

[kingme]

ay, sorry bout the late reply. here is the link to the previous joke thread!

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/565340-The-Joke-Thread-Try-and-make-it-funny-eh

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

What's the difference between a pakastani primary school and an al-quaeda training camp?









Don't ask me I just fly the drone.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

P.S. If you find that racist kindly fuck off and actually have a think about who the target of the joke is.