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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

Tell a shit joke

I've been diagnosed with a rare condition which means I can't hear the letter 't'.

I hope my mates at work don't find out, I'll never hear the end of it.
 
A tour guide is showing a party of visitors around the rubber works on an open day. On the factory floor, an enormous machine is going "Ba-DOOM! Tisssh! ..... Ba-DOOM! Tisssh!" The guide explains that the machine is making the teats for babies' bottles. "Every time you hear that Ba-DOOM! sound," he says, "That's the machine moulding the shape of the teat. And when it goes Tisssh!, it's making the hole in the end for the milk to come out of."

The party walk on, past various machines, offices and a laboratory where an experiment is being conducted to develop a balloon which can be inflated with as few breaths as possible, until they reach another machine which is going "Ba-DOOM! Ba-DOOM! Ba-DOOM! Ba-DOOM! Ba-DOOM! Tisssh! ..... Ba-DOOM! Ba-DOOM! Ba-DOOM! Ba-DOOM! Ba-DOOM! Tisssh".

"Now," says the guide, "This machine is making condoms. Every time you hear that Ba-DOOM!, it's making another condom."
A visitor pipes up, "What's the little hissing sound?"
"Ah, well," says the tour guide, "That's just to keep that first machine going!"
 
Ok.... What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

You're too young to smoke!

ahahahahahahahahahahahaha never gets old
 
raas_2012 said:
Ok.... What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

You're too young to smoke!

ahahahahahahahahahahahaha never gets old
Click to expand...
That's straight out of the primary school play ground lol

Why don't blind men sky dive?






Because it scares the shit out of the dog!
 
spudgun said:
A beekeeper says to another beekeeper:

"I've got 6 hives and 3000 bees"

"Well I've got 3 hives and 10,000 bees"

"Jesus! Aren't the bees cramped?"

"Fuck em"
Click to expand...

I've tried on several occasions to figure this out but I still don't get it. Anyone care to explain? :(
 
Explaining a joke is a lot like dissecting a frog - nobody laughs and the frog dies;)
 
roganjosh said:
I've tried on several occasions to figure this out but I still don't get it. Anyone care to explain? :(
Click to expand...

I think the joke is hes saying fuck em and but by that he means literally fuck em but I'm not sure myself tbh. Maybe it's a riddle
 
deano88 said:
I think the joke is hes saying fuck em and but by that he means literally fuck em but I'm not sure myself tbh. Maybe it's a riddle
Click to expand...


No, that's not it at all. The punchline is the fact that the second beekeeper doesn't care about the bees being cramped. It just turns around the momentum of the joke by 180 degrees as it's not the expected punchline.

Sorry, I'm incredibly stoned right now.
 
curious_24 said:
No, that's not it at all. The punchline is the fact that the second beekeeper doesn't care about the bees being cramped. It just turns around the momentum of the joke by 180 degrees as it's not the expected punchline.

Sorry, I'm incredibly stoned right now.
Click to expand...

Thanks Curious - either you find the idea of a beekeeper who has a neglectful, 'fuck you' attitude to his bees funny, or you don't.
 
curious_24 said:
No, that's not it at all. The punchline is the fact that the second beekeeper doesn't care about the bees being cramped. It just turns around the momentum of the joke by 180 degrees as it's not the expected punchline.

Sorry, I'm incredibly stoned right now.
Click to expand...

There's me trying to find something complicated when all along the joke was just a mean bee keeper. Didn't think of the obvious.
 
mattnotrik said:
Are you from Ireland?

Because my penis is Dublin.

walks away shamefully
Click to expand...

good chat up line ;)

Guy: do you have house insurance?
Girl: why you ask?
Guy: cuz I'm gonna smash your back doors in

*walks away with girl*
 
Religious Shit

Taoism Shit happens.
Buddhism If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Islam If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
Protestantism Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Judaism Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism This shit happened before.
Catholicism Shit happens because you're bad.
Hare Krishna Shit happens rama rama.
T.V. Evangelism Send more shit.
Atheism No shit.
Jehova's Witness Knock knock, shit happens.
Hedonism There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Christian Science Shit happens in your mind.
Agnosticism Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Rastafarianism Let's smoke this shit.
Existentialism What is shit anyway?
Stoicism This shit doesn't bother me.
(jokes4us.com/religiousjokes/buddhistjokes.html)

offtopic why isnt this linked to the previous joke thread? there were some good ones in there too ;)
 
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