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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

Tell a shit joke

I've written a book about a young girl who takes drugs and encounters all kinds of strange creatures talking in almost incomprehensible dialect. It ends up with her getting pregnant and becoming a single mother, living on a shit estate and surviving on benefits.



It's called "Alice in Sunderland".
 
one i read recently and used in the US Parachute divisions during training with all new recruits:

Sgt: Look dont worry if your parachute doesn't open, you have the rest of your life to figure something out.
 
Q: What do you call Santa's elves?
A: Subordinate Clauses.

Q: How many Lojban lists does it take to change a broken light bulb?
A: Two. One to decide what to change it into, and one to find a bulb that emits broken light.

Q: What is not a woman but can still be tense, moody, imperfect, and irregular simultaneously?
A: a verb.
 
Why don't west country farmers like growing wheat?

"cos it's arable" (said in a bad west country accent)



(and a remix of one from upthread:

why did the hipster burn his nose?

cos he snorted ketamine before it was cool
 
bogman said:
I've written a book about a young girl who takes drugs and encounters all kinds of strange creatures talking in almost incomprehensible dialect. It ends up with her getting pregnant and becoming a single mother, living on a shit estate and surviving on benefits.



It's called "Alice in Sunderland".
Click to expand...

Stolen from me in the gibberings thread or sickipedia (where I stole it) :)
 
What's purple and orange and sits at the bottom of a swimming pool?














A baby with burst arm bands! ?
 
Me and my disabled girlfriend split up the other day, so I stole her wheelchair.....










I knew she would Come Crawling back
 
mr.buffnstuff said:
Me and my disabled girlfriend split up the other day, so I stole her wheelchair.....










I knew she would Come Crawling back
Click to expand...

Haha!

Edit: Speaking of jokes and speaking of cripples, what do you call a gay guy in a wheelchair? Rolaids.

[Not an original joke, but funny—if only for witnessing the listener's reaction—nonetheless.]
 
Last edited:
Speaking of Sunderland, last time I was round that neck of the woods I went in a greengrocer's shop and asked for 3 kilos of potatoes and half a kilo of onions. -- You're in Sunderland now, said the shop assistant, It's pounds and ounces round here! So I said, -- O.K. then -- I'll have 3 kilos of pounds and 500 grams of ounces!
 
Just put my hoover up for sale on e bay ...It was just lying there gathering dust.

What do you get hanging from a banana tree...Sore arms
 
A wee Glasgow woman goes into a butcher shop, where the butcher has just come out of the freezer and is standing with his hands behind his back, with his arse aimed at an electric fire.
The wee woman checks out the display case then asks, "Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?"
"Naw," replies the butcher. "Ah'm jist warmin' ma hands."
 
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