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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

Tell a shit joke

I was complaining to a mate the other day that my rose bushes haven't done too well this year.

"You do know you're supposed to deadhead them?" he replied.

Well so far I've tried them with 'Truckin', 'Casey Jones' and 'Chinacat Sunflower', and it's not made the slightest fuckin difference...
 
Because you said 'shit' joke, my mind went immediately to an old childhood memory of the first joke I ever told my parents that actually made them laugh. I was 8 years old and I thought this very funny and it probably says a lot about my maturity that at 61 I still do.:\ Here goes:

Three cowboys were on a very long and arduous cattle drive. They had been riding the range for the first week of long days that stretched from sun-up to sundown and had just dug into their nightly meal of spicy beans when a young greenhorn on his first cattle drive broke the monotony of slurps and chewing saying, "Damn my lips are chapped. I didn't even know lips could hurt this bad. I cain't even eat. "

"Thar's a cure," says one of the old cowboys.

"that's welcome news, what is it?" exclaims the greenhorn.

"See that horse over there?' says the old cowboy. "Just go over there and lift up his tail and stick your finger in there."

"What??! I'm not doing that! What in tarnation is that going to do?"

"Just do it. It works, " says the other old timer. You don't see us sitting around crying about chapped lips, do ya?"

So reluctantly the greenhorn goes over and sticks his finger in the horse's butt.

"Ya gotta get the thick stuff," says the old timer. "Now smear that all over your lips."

" Nice an' thick," says the other.

Struggling with his own revulsion, the greenhorn does as he's told. He comes back to the campfire with his mouth looking like a cow pie and says, "This is disgusting. Does it really cure chapped lips?"

"Well, maybe 'cure' is too strong a word," says the old cowboy, "But it sure keeps you from lickin' 'em!"

So as you see, I have covered the definition of shit jokes from two directions.=D
 
^Nicely done Herb :)

While we're on the subject of cowboys:

A cowboy mosies into a saloon and is about to order a shot of bourbon when he realises he's lost his bag of dollar.

"Gosh darn it!" he exclaims, "I must have been robbed in the night!"

The bartender hears this and thinks "Ah ha, yet another sucker to have some fun with".

So he says to the cowboy,

"Howdy pardner, i'm afraid I can't offer you any credit, but it's a tradition in this establishment that any customer who can't pay gets the opportunity to take the 'spitoon challenge'. If you manage to swallow just one slug from that spitoon down by your feet, you can have a whole bottle of Bourbon on the house. But If you fail, you agree to wash glasses for a week. Do we have a deal?"

By this time, the other customers have realised what's going down and all eyes turn to the cowboy with a mixture of glee and pity. They've seen this many times before and no-one ever wins. The barkeeper hasn't needed to employ a glasswasher for years. They also know that the spitoon hasn't been emptied for months and the barkeeper likes to add a few extra ingredients into the pot.

The cowboy looks down at the spitoon and is dismayed at what he sees. It's nearly overflowing with green, brown and black snot, goz, lung and vomit, with a bit of curdled spunk and a few soggy cheroots thrown in for good measure. He ponders his options:

"Hell, I'm gagging for some hard liquor, and I only need to take one little slug, how hard can that be?"

"Ya got yourself a deal", he replies.

So he picks up the spitoon and tentatively raises it to his lips. He tips it slightly until the rancid mixture starts to slide into his mouth. Then all of a sudden, he throws his head back and with a 'glug, glug, glug, glug, glug' downs the entire contents.

The barkeeper is gobsmacked. Everyone in the saloon is on their feet a whoopin' and a hollerin' and firing their six guns wildly into the air in celebration.

"Hotdang cowboy!" the barkeeper exclaims. "I've never seen anyone do that before. But tell me, why did you drink it all when you only needed to take one slug?"

"I couldn't help it" the cowboy replies..

"It was all in one lump!"
 
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Doctor Doctor, everyone thinks im Shambles.

Well then get a job, and a hair cut.



Knock Knock,
Who's there?
SproutOnSmack
SproutOnSmack who?
SproutOnSmack you, if you don't open up


How many EADDERS does it take to change a light bulb?
1. They're already high enough, they just need Raas to show us the light.
 
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