I hate having my recovery in the hands of an idiot with a prescription pad
Ugh, another day, another dickhead retarded bupe doctor.
So today after seeing my psychiatrist who was prescribing me suboxone at 24mg a day along with 2mg klonopin (which i was also on for 3 months prior to seeing him and 5 doctors haven't had any issue with the combo) I was telling him about what led to my relapse and my plans for staying clean.
If you read my story on the first page the major reason that led to my relapse was having a bupe doctor who pulled the plug on me while I was in the ER/hospital and refused to prescribe me bupe unless I went to a 30 day+ rehab. So I was pretty pissed off and thought I might not find a new doc in time plus I lost all my trust and little respect left I had for psychiatrists and specifically those who specialize in addiction. So I started to taper on my own while starting to see this new psychiatrist who was providing me bupe. He said some idiotic stuff like that I could ween of 2mg klonopin that I've been on for 2 years in 2 days, seriously wtf? That made me not trust him more along with other things he said or did that showed he is completely incompetent, but I need a doctor to get my meds... I was afraid he would pull the plug on my suboxone at any time like the last asshole (because I got drunk one night and ended up in the hospital because I tried staying warm in a college building at 3am and security called an ambo).
Now basically I ended up relapsing since I tapered on my own to under 2mg before i was ready and had huge cravings and I eventually relapsed at that point.
Now I am explaining this all to him as to why I tried tapering then subsequently went back and forth between bupe and dope trying to get some help. His immediate reaction was "I'm not going to provide you with Suboxone anymore, I won't be responsible for your death." I was shocked. what he just said and tried to do is the exact thing that led me to relapse and I made it clear I wanted to stay on maintenance so nothing like that ever happens again.
I calmly asked why and reminded him that being denied bupe is what got me into trouble, and he says it's because I was mixing benzos with bupe and that is a deadly combination. I reminded him I have taken more benzos before with other doctors who all approved and said it was fine and not dangerous in my case. I reminded him HE PRESCRIBED THEM BOTH TO ME AT THE SAME TIME, why the hell is he bringing this up now and using it as rationale for not treating me?
I got into a length debate about how it isn't dangerous and his response was to prove it to me by pulling out the Suboxone brand pamphlet where it says benzos combined with bupe can cause death in a tiny bullet point/caution section. I again asked why he prescribed them both to me in the first place since he knew that from the beginning, and then went on to explain why it was not a problem for me and how absurd his rationale was. I was getting confrontational challenging him on his knowledge of pharmacology and how wrong he was abut the whole thing. I asked why he was trusting a pamphlet from a drug manufacturer that created suboxone as a complete gimmick to fool the FDA and medical community as being safer with naloxone, which he still believes makes it abuse proof. I wish I had a syringe on me so I could shoot it right in front of his face..
He continued to refuse to matter how much I explained which obviously made him feel uncomfortable that a patient knows more about drugs than him. I got furious since this is exactly why I went off bupe on my own since I can't trust doctors who will pull the plug on your meds at any time for RETARDED reasons. I needed more suboxone to stay clean and not go into the same cycle that made me relapse.
I was so furious by then that nothing I said and called him out on was sticking into his head claiming I am not a doctor and therefore don't know what I'm talking about when he gets his most trusted info from a little pamphlet. 8) I got up and started cursing him off shouting he was an irresponsible idiotic fucking old hack who will stops prescribing drugs due to his incompetence with no regard to his patients safety and well being. I was loud enough his waiting patients could hear the scene and was walking out the door when he told me to calm down and sit for a minute.

I sat waiting to hear what he had to say and he eventually wrote me a scrip for 5 fucking days worth which I don't even need to fill since I have enough to hold me over until I find a new doctor.
It is pretty fucked up these poor excuses for doctors will put someone on suboxone maintenance then immediately stop providing treatment if anything goes wrong. I hate having my recovery in the hands of these idiots, I wish this shit was OTC so I don't have to waste money paying these fucktards who will eventually try to screw up my life.
So the lesson here is: Act like you know nothing about drugs and psychiatry in front of them because once you hurt their ego and make them look like the idiots they are then they will try to control you the only way they can which is with a prescription pad.
