So I did something rash today, in a fit of despair and self pity. I threw out my entire suboxone script, save for probably 8mg or so that are lying around my room in different stash area's.
Last friday I made a poor transition back to sub after a weeklong binge on opana, and it's been pretty rough. I've had to take 16 mg of sub (all different routes of administration, havn't even been paying attention, though today I mostly I.V'd) to keep me from feeling shitty, and I've just been super depressed and angry, just like I expected I'd be.
I decided today that I did not want to get back on suboxone for maintenance again, and that I'd rather just ride these withdrawals out. I sort of made this plan up when I was taking the opana, but it was easy to bullshit myself that I could do it then, cause I was sky high. Anyway, today I got sick of it and knew that if I had all this suboxone lying around, that I was just going to keep taking it. I knew that even if I again tapered myself down to .6 mg a day, that I would just continue at that dose again, switch over to a full agonist at some point in the future, and then start the whole process over again of getting stable, tapering, and relapsing.
so I threw it all out. Probably not the smartest idea, and yes I could have sold them, but I didn't, and now I have 8 mg to taper with. am I upset? at the moment, no, but I just did a 2 mg shot, so I'm feeling alright. If possible, I'm just going to try and get a little klonopin, maybe some kratom and to try and ride this out to the best of my ability.