Two, almost three days of withdrawal and I threw it away.. AGAIN. I'm so pissed off; I can NOT keep going through this terrible cycle over & over again.. I'm going to lose it.
Try not to beat yourself up a you are still moving forward in recovery. It's not uncommon to breakdown and use several times before you completely quit. Use this as an opportunity to analyze what you could have done differently and learn from the experience. Have a plan in place to handle the situation differently should it happen again. I'm sorry you're in and out of withdrawal - I know that's miserable. Overall you're still focused and determined and that's huge. Stay that way and you'll make it. Best wishes!
I guess this shouldn't even be in sober living anymore.. Because I can't seem to stay fucking sober. Ugh..
Apparently I'm not meant to post tonight. Once, I posted & hit post & BL was down. Then again, I posted & hit post.. went to edit, and accidentally deleted my entire post. So, sorry if anything comes up duplicate.
Today is day one. Again. This time, I'm being forced to quit. Physically, I'm fine.. so far. But mentally, I'm broken. My doctor finally had my anxiety manageable with a medication change. Klonopin. But because of the people I surround myself with, 60 of my 90 pills were stolen. I have four left. Four that I have to save 'till right before my appointment because she wants a UA to make sure I'm actually taking what she's giving me. Thus, the reason I'm being forced to quit my DOC.. for now. I can't test positive for something she doesn't have me on.. Obviously. Anyway, the fact that I can't take my medicine when I actually need it infuriates me. My anxiety and depression are at an all time high. All I can do is think about the easiest ways to die. The fact that dying doesn't scare me anymore.. scares me. I think I've just given up.
Anyway. Day one. In the books. Again.
I guess this shouldn't even be in sober living anymore.. Because I can't seem to stay fucking sober. Ugh..
Do you want your posts moved?
I guess I should have posted on the dark side, didn't think there would be many with similar situations in sober living. Sorry Mods
Hey man. Of course I know how you feel lol. Congrats on the opiates. I'm still taking clonazepam at night when it's a bad night but I try not to everyday. Seroquel worked for me for a few months then stopped. I wish I could help ya bud. I know your off opiates but have you ever thought of methadone for pain? Just wondering because since I started methadone I sleep really well.
I'm not looking forward to Labor Day fireworks-planning a trip way up north to avoid them. You get it
Take care of ya self man and I wish you the best