• 🇳🇿 🇲🇲 🇯🇵 🇨🇳 🇦🇺 🇦🇶 🇮🇳
    Australian & Asian
    Drug Discussion

    Welcome Guest!
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
  • AADD Moderators: Tronica

***Singles Thread*** A kit kat chunky stole my relationship!

men are from mars...

I totally understand where sassy's at.

Just because we're happy to partake in a fuck buddy relationship, doesn't mean we don't also want respect. Personally, I think it's disgraceful that so many people see the two as mutually exclusive.

People want to be thought fondly of goddammit. Us girls... when we sleep with with you... we want you to appreciate the time you spend with us.

That doesn't mean you're our type for a relationship, and it doesn't mean we're not cool with you sharing the same experiences with other girls - it just means we chose you as our fuck buddy because we actually like you.

This is different from wanting to marry you. I promise ;).
 
^Personally, i hate the concept, and find it impossible to separate sex and feelings. Actually, not impossible, i just don't like to.

However, I guess I, for one, just define fuck buddy a little bit differently. I know alot of people who don't particularly like their fuck buddy, but the sex is so great that they keep on going back for it. Affectionate feelings are really only a bonus, but quite superfluous to a FWB type setup. That to me is what is defined as a fuck buddy; purely for the sex. Asking for anything else, such as to be liked, may be more than what is really in the bargain.

But, my point was, I think in those sorts of situations, both parties just need to make it crystal clear about what they want. By sending an open-ended text message, such as 'what are you up to', it is conceivable that the person reading the text may assume that the person sending the text may want more than just sex. Not that i am saying that this is the reason, just that it is possible and therefore all possibilities should be eliminated.

And, given most males notorious phobia of CFS (clingy female syndrome :p), I just think it important to be precise about what you are wanting. Anything otherwise and a male is likely to misconstrue the meaning (yes, more than likely due to his own ego).
 
Last edited:
MR Candyslut said:
However, I guess I, for one, just define fuck buddy a little bit differently. I know alot of people who don't particularly like their fuck buddy, but the sex is so great that they keep on going back for it. That to me is what is defined as a fuck buddy ie purely for the sex. Asking for anything else, ie to be liked, may be more than what is really in the bargain.
Click to expand...

Well see I'd debate that black and blue ;)

What the fuck is wrong with some people that they're so sexually perverted, that they'd use another person for their exclusive benefit? I'm all cool for people sharing these experiences [sharing being the key word,] but if I'm going to be used for it [assuming being used isn't one of my fetishes,] I may as well be a prostitute.

Seriously. I see no difference. Other than the fact I could be making some fine bucks for the same treatment in a 'professional' environment.

If you can't appreciate someone, don't sleep with them. At least that's what my moral's tell me ;).
 
^But by wanting to have sex with them, you are appreciating them - that is the whole point in the context of this debate.

And i mean, that is what a fuck buddy is all about; both people using each other for sex. To say otherwise is really sugar coating the whole setup if you ask me.

I agree with you, the experience should be a shared one. If either party does not enjoy it, then yes, it probably is tantamount to being a prostitute. However, simply because both parties enjoy the sex does not mean you have to actively like the other person. The two can be distinguished and my point is, it is when you start to confuse the two is when you move away from a fuck buddy relationship and onto something different.
 
MR Candyslut said:
And i mean, that is what a fuck buddy is all about; both people using each other for sex. To say otherwise is really sugar coating the whole setup if you ask me.
Click to expand...

But at the core, is that what you believe it should be about? Using another human being?

I'll always think it should be about enjoying sex with each other, and I don't see why the using part even has to come into it.

Why think of someone as your pawn, as your piece of meat, when you can think of them as someone you appreciate? I just don't understand why anyone would want to sleep with someone they view in a derogatory manner. And yes, I do find it quite disturbing & incredibly selfish.
 
^ well, as i have said, i don't like casual sex at all. I think the whole concept is rather soulless and I don't think i could ever have a fuck buddy. As cheesy as this sounds, I prefer sex to be meaningful :o

However, to me, Doppelganger, that is exactly what a fuck buddy setup is about: using someone else. The whole basis for the relationship is sex, nothing else. To expect something else is where things start to go awry.

But, I never said that it was one-sided. By definition, it is a mutual arrangement where both parties use each other for sex. Both parties still should appreciate each other, but only in the context of sex.

And I mean, really, haven't you ever wanted to have sex with someone you dislike? Think, erm, Bruce Willis or maybe, some arrogant cunt of a politician. You intensely dislike them, but still find them attractive. I think putting such feelings aside for the purposes of a mutually-beneficial sexual arrangement is a perfect example of a fuck buddy relationship; pure sex. Yes it is soulless, yes it is rather sickening, but hey, i never said i liked the whole concept.

I am not supporting it, I am just saying that pretending there should be anything else is not what i would call a fucky buddy :)
 
Well I just think you should appreciate the people you sleep with.

That's the crutch of my argument, I guess. I certainly don't see what harm it would do the world...

And personally, I think it would be great if we could re-define a fuck buddy to mean something more humane. Some of us really enjoy casual sex, yet don't appreciate being used.

So here's to advocating a whole new world! :D
 
^ theres a difference between sleeping with someone as a sort of added closeness with someone you care about as a true friend and just using someone you really couldnt give a flying fuck about and dont really care if you hurt them by your insensitive actions.

Im guilty of both, but having a really good fuck buddy is underrated if you really can not deal with being in a full on relationship. Commitment phobes (there are a few amongst us here :D) should just stick to fuck buddying with someone they know doesnt love them, just genuinely likes them. One night stands are just crap, being in a relationship when you dont want to be in one is even worse:\

There are a couple (actually just one) poster in seemingly all the singles threads over the years who is a complete commitment phobe, treats women like shit (says so himself) then whines about being single. Answer= a fuckbuddy. No commitment and by the time you might become a couple it wont be uch a strange and foreign concept to be together that you might just be cured of your phobia!

I think for the first time in a long time I am genuinely happy making future plans just for me and not kinda waiting around to see if some prince charming will want to go on wild adventures with me. Il do it myself!
 
MR Candyslut said:
^ well, as i have said, i don't like casual sex at all. I think the whole concept is rather soulless and I don't think i could ever have a fuck buddy. As cheesy as this sounds, I prefer sex to be meaningful :o
Click to expand...

lmfao!

What a load of hogwash - I call bullshit!

In addition, I think both yours and Doppelganger's arguments are moot because the very nature of a fuck buddy is that it is 'grey area'.

Fuck buddies could well be people who are attracted to each other but for reasons on one or both of their behalves don't want to be together, it could be between people who are friends and also fuck, or it could be with somone you have no emotional investment with, or even negative emotional investment.

This renders your puritanical/literal definition of a fuck buddy slightly obsolete as to say that people can only expect to receive 'sexual' appreciation in some of those scenarios is preposterous - you would obviously not only expect a certain level of affection and respect but in addition in sassylx's case - I don't think you'd feel comfortable being as direct/crude as "wanna fuck", as these people obviously know you outside of the context of the bedroom.

I wouldn't write that to someone, regardless of what I thought their attitude towards it would be, because I don't consider it an accurate reflection of me.

Even if it was someone I disliked and was fucking (an unlikely situation) I would still only communicate in a manner that I felt comfortable with and that I felt was still congruent with my self-perception.

Furthermore - I think in regards to our generation, these kind of 'commitment-less' interactions are becoming increasingly prevalent. Whether this is a backlash to the era of failed marriages becoming the rule rather than the exception resulting in a demographic of people too cautious to enter into something that statistics dictate will not last, or whether it is the heightened emphasis on individuality, freedom and relating on levels other than the traditional that is characteristic of Gen Y, who knows. I'm not a sociologist.

But I do think that relationships that fall outside not only the accepted heteronormativity but also outside the common concept of sex + love = relationship are the future. I see so many people sharing these extremely strong "friendships" (for lack of a better word) that are not consummated in sex or don't come with the official tag or boyfriend/girlfriend. I'm not entirely sure whether I think it's healthy or not - but the fact remains, I think they're on the uprising.
 
Mary Poppins said:
lmfao!

What a load of hogwash - I call bullshit!

In addition, I think both yours and Doppelganger's arguments are moot because the very nature of a fuck buddy is that it is 'grey area'.
Click to expand...


That was in the past!!!:o :)

I have never had a fuck buddy. And, seriously, i have not had casual sex...since...well, you know who and I don't intend on.

It's all about a new lease on life.
 
Last edited:
MP - Yeah, you're probably right. I think I just found a focus point, and ran away with it. Certainly, you've pretty much explained how I feel for the most part :).
 
Doppelganger said:
I totally understand where sassy's at.

Just because we're happy to partake in a fuck buddy relationship, doesn't mean we don't also want respect. Personally, I think it's disgraceful that so many people see the two as mutually exclusive.

People want to be thought fondly of goddammit. Us girls... when we sleep with with you... we want you to appreciate the time you spend with us.

That doesn't mean you're our type for a relationship, and it doesn't mean we're not cool with you sharing the same experiences with other girls - it just means we chose you as our fuck buddy because we actually like you.

This is different from wanting to marry you. I promise ;).
Click to expand...

That sounds about as complex as trying to make any sense out of the bible.
 
Mary Poppins said:
In addition, I think both yours and Doppelganger's arguments are moot because the very nature of a fuck buddy is that it is 'grey area'.
Click to expand...

Well, see, no, I disagree. From a male's perspective, that is the beauty of a fuck buddy relationship; it is quite simple. Essentially, there is no grey. It is about sex, and really, nothing, else. Any other expectations, wants, desires etc are really all extraneous to the primary purpose of the relationship, that is, to fuck.

It could be any of the scenarios that you have mentioned, but the fact is, the root purpose of the relationship is to have sex. To me, if either party has any expectations that go over and above that purpose or if there are other issues that complicate the relationship, then they are another matter.
 
MR Candyslut said:
Well, see, no, I disagree. From a male's perspective, that is the beauty of a fuck buddy relationship; it is quite simple. Essentially, there is no grey. It is about sex, and really, nothing, else. Any other expectations, wants, desires etc are really all extraneous to the primary purpose of the relationship, that is, to fuck.

It could be any of the scenarios that you have mentioned, but the fact is, the root purpose of the relationship is to have sex. To me, if either party has any expectations that go over and above that purpose or if there are other issues that complicate the relationship, then they are another matter.
Click to expand...

No, I think from your perspective this is the case. Considering I am basing my opinion on the fact that a number of my male friends (gay and straight) have entered into 'intrigues' that they deem as fuck buddies - which fall into several of the categories I mentioned [other than the one which is strictly sexual] should be evidence enough to render your point null and void.

Even if 100% of males you know (and not to cast aspersions, but with gay males and the propensity for 'intrigues' of a purely sexual nature ie. gaydar, this could well be possible) held the same view as you, the fact that there are some who don't is all that is needed to make fuckbuddy = grey area.
 
Just in this discussion I can see an obvious conflict between female vs. male opinion.

Generally speaking, the women are in agreement for the most part, whereas the males have expressed how they think fuck buddies should always be seen in a more simplistic, very straightforward manner.
 
Doppelganger, please don't invalidate my posts by inferring they are based on a 'female opinion'. I wouldn't have bothered posting if I was exclusively referring to my own opinion, as I too realised the potential for this argument to be over-simplified to a male vs. female scenario.

My issue with Mr Cs's posts are that I can confidently apply my point to several men I know, which kind of refutes his 'males think this...' stance.

I'm well aware there are fuck buddy relationships that are purely sexual, and don't see issue with this, what I'm contending is that due to the fact that 'fuck buddy' or terms like it encompass so many different types of relationships, it's silly to apply the values you would to a purely sexual relationship to any of the other types.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top