I was sitting around last night with some very good close friends last night (a bit fucked up as well, so this could all really be bullshit and kinda figured out what the hell is going on in my brain regarding my relationships with other people (not just boyfriends, but friends as well).
I dont know why but I just expect every relationship I have to end badly and sometimes I make that happen subconciously so its a self fulfilling prophecy.
I didnt take the end of a brief fling with someone well at all recently and lost a lot of self confdence and self worth because this one person (who I thought I could trust as everyone else who knew him said he was a realy great guy -he probably is just not really to me) and thought I could not possibly go through that ever again.
So I decided to not bother with people (anyone at all again. Which is stupid as my good friends have never done anthing to hurt me and just because this one random guy did doesnt mean they will.
But my friends and I agreed that because I have so much shit going on in my life and so many issues, I cant have a relationship with anyone right now. I dont need one anyway, I was perfectly happily single before I met my now ex hubby, who I thought was going to be "THE ONE FOR ME". Ha!
BUT I am a normal adult female and I have my needs. I want some intimacy with someone I trust and want to spend time with. And I have found a person who I adore as a friend but also want to be more than friends with. Hes happy to go along with it and not get into a "relationship", as I really cant deal with that crap right now. So alls well that ends well...until the next episode anyway.
I had a real shitty last couple of weeks, because a guy didnt want me anymore? How stupid and what a waste of my time. His loss!
sorry bout the ramble