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AADD Moderators: andyturbo
Sick, Twisted & Wrong Jokes - Part II
- Thread starter Pleonastic
- Start date
- Status
Zero the hero
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2003
- Messages
- 1,540
The only joke here is the one in your pants...
FaTz
Bluelighter
^^^Your mum seems to laugh quite alot then 
hehe... sorry
hehe... sorry
Zero the hero
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2003
- Messages
- 1,540
^^^lol!
Last edited:
ian_strong
Bluelighter
whats the definition of confidence?
arriving home drunk at 3am smellin of perfume, slappin your wife on the arse and sayin "youre next bitch!"
arriving home drunk at 3am smellin of perfume, slappin your wife on the arse and sayin "youre next bitch!"
8ft-Sativa
Bluelighter
Whats The Difference Between Micheal Jackson And Santa Claus?
Nothing They Both Leave Little Boys Bedrooms With Empty Sacks.
Nothing They Both Leave Little Boys Bedrooms With Empty Sacks.
0ff1cer_ch0ps
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2004
- Messages
- 4,270
ha ha ha
How do you know if an Aboriginal Has had an abortion...
Check the Yabby Pump!
How do you know if an Aboriginal Has had an abortion...
Check the Yabby Pump!
At the end of a rundown pub in outback Australia sat a huge
black man. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed,
and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him. After three or
four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the big
black man.
Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?"
At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes,
and smacked the shit out of the gay man, knocking him off his stool. He
proceeded to beat him all the way out of the pub, before leaving him
bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat.
Amazed, the barman quickly brought over another beer to the
black man, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. What did he
say to you?
"I don't know," the black man replied. "Something about a
job
black man. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed,
and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him. After three or
four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the big
black man.
Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?"
At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes,
and smacked the shit out of the gay man, knocking him off his stool. He
proceeded to beat him all the way out of the pub, before leaving him
bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat.
Amazed, the barman quickly brought over another beer to the
black man, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. What did he
say to you?
"I don't know," the black man replied. "Something about a
job
FaTz
Bluelighter
Not really jokes... I came up with some tshirts...
"Nothin Queer, happenin Here"
"It's not quite buff, If you don't like muff"
That's all for now :'(
"Nothin Queer, happenin Here"
"It's not quite buff, If you don't like muff"
That's all for now :'(
Pop Popavich
Bluelighter
Reincarnation
Brian came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he
often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.
He gave a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a
strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white
robe.
"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my
bedroom?".
The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter".
Brian was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to
live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back
straight away".
St Peter replied "Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch.We can
only send you back as a dog or a hen."
Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house,
he asked to be sent back as a hen.
A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around
pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this
strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how
are you enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad" replies Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside
like I'm about to explode".
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid
an egg before".
"Never" replies Brian "Well just relax and let it happen" And so he did and
after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his
tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the
better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.
When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and
he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever
happened to him... ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt
an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting
"Brian, wake up you drunken bastard, you're shitting the
bed!"
Brian came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he
often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.
He gave a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a
strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white
robe.
"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my
bedroom?".
The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter".
Brian was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to
live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back
straight away".
St Peter replied "Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch.We can
only send you back as a dog or a hen."
Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house,
he asked to be sent back as a hen.
A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around
pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this
strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how
are you enjoying your first day here?"
"It's not so bad" replies Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside
like I'm about to explode".
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid
an egg before".
"Never" replies Brian "Well just relax and let it happen" And so he did and
after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his
tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the
better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.
When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and
he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever
happened to him... ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt
an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting
"Brian, wake up you drunken bastard, you're shitting the
bed!"
What are mates for?
A bloke stops to visit his mate who has a broken leg.
His friend says, "My feet are cold mate. Can you go and get me my slippers from
upstairs please."
The guy goes upstairs, and there are his mate's gorgeous twin 18 year old
daughters.
Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to shag you."
The first daughter says, "That's not true."
He says, "I'll prove it."
He yells down the stairs, "Both of them?"
His mate yells back, "Of course, both of them."
A bloke stops to visit his mate who has a broken leg.
His friend says, "My feet are cold mate. Can you go and get me my slippers from
upstairs please."
The guy goes upstairs, and there are his mate's gorgeous twin 18 year old
daughters.
Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to shag you."
The first daughter says, "That's not true."
He says, "I'll prove it."
He yells down the stairs, "Both of them?"
His mate yells back, "Of course, both of them."
Pop Popavich
Bluelighter
^^
Friendship
Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that
she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best
friends. None of them knew about it.
Between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had
slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best
friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over at their place, and
two claimed that he was still there.
Friendship
Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that
she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best
friends. None of them knew about it.
Between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had
slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best
friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over at their place, and
two claimed that he was still there.
SteveElektro
Bluelighter
I don't know if these have been said coz I can't be assed reading the thread, but here goes:
------------------------------------------------------------
Q) What's the worst thing about going down on a bald pussy?
A) Putting the nappy back on
------------------------------------------------------------
Q) How do you get a poof to fuck a woman?
A) Fill her cunt with shit
------------------------------------------------------------
Q) What's the worst thing about going down on a bald pussy?
A) Putting the nappy back on
------------------------------------------------------------
Q) How do you get a poof to fuck a woman?
A) Fill her cunt with shit
ozbreaker
Bluelighter
A young boy went up to his father and asked "What's the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The father ponders for a moment, then answered "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million quid and also ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million quid, then come back and tell me what you learned.
"So the boy went to his mother and asked "Mum would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million quid?" The mother replied "Definitely, I wouldn't pass an opportunity like that."
The boy then went to his older sister and asked "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million quid?" The girl replied "Oh gosh, I would just love to do that, I would be nuts to pass up that opportunity."
The boy then thought about it for a few days, and went back to his father.
His father asked him "Did you find the difference between potentially and realistically?" the boy replied "Yes, potentially we're sitting on 2 million quid, but realistically we're living with two slappers. "The father replied "That's my boy."
The father ponders for a moment, then answered "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million quid and also ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million quid, then come back and tell me what you learned.
"So the boy went to his mother and asked "Mum would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million quid?" The mother replied "Definitely, I wouldn't pass an opportunity like that."
The boy then went to his older sister and asked "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million quid?" The girl replied "Oh gosh, I would just love to do that, I would be nuts to pass up that opportunity."
The boy then thought about it for a few days, and went back to his father.
His father asked him "Did you find the difference between potentially and realistically?" the boy replied "Yes, potentially we're sitting on 2 million quid, but realistically we're living with two slappers. "The father replied "That's my boy."
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