Something to offend almost everyone
A prostitute with a single room decided she would get a partition installed so she could entertain 2 clients at once. A builder knocked up the partition in no time, and after he'd finished, he asked for his money. The girl explained that she didn't have it, but that she could pay for the job with sex. The builder complained and complained, then finally agreed, saying sex was better than nothing.
"I like it doggy style", he said
She positioned herself accordingly. He slobbered on his thumb and forefinger before inserting them in her rear orifices. She squealed in surprise. In a deep and completely dominating voice he said
"Now give me my money, or I'll rip out your partition"
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Four bush walkers got lost in thick bush. After 5 days of no food or water they finally staggered onto a small cottage located in a clearing. In front of the cottage lay large racks of salted venison drying in the sun. The 4 drew straws to see who would approach the house to ask if they could eat some of it.
The guy who drew the short straw boldly wandered up to the cottage. As he approached he noticed an incredibly bad smell. It was so bad he hesitated for a moment, but looking back to his desperate mates, he decided he must continue. He got the cottage door only to notice the smell was much worse. Gagging slightly from the stench, he hesitated further before knocking on the door. Within a moment he was greeted by the most incredibly smelly old lady he'd ever met. Trying hard to suppress his dry retching, he politely explained that he and his mates had not eaten in 5 days, and asked if it were possible for them to eat some of the venison drying outside.
The incredibly smelly old lady replied " Of course you can, but as I haven't seen a man in 10 years, first you must satisfy me". He didn't know what to do, but knew he couldn't let his mates down. The incredibly smelly old lady led him by the hand inside. She lifted her dress and said "go for it big boy"
The smell was unbearable. Just when he thought there was no way out, he spotted a sack of corn cobs next to the bed. Positioning himself between her legs, and covered by her dress, he reached across, grabbed a corn cob, and went to work. The incredibly smelly old lady moaned and groaned, but before long the kernels had began to wear off the cob. He chucked it out the window and grabbed another.
And so he went until the sack and the incredibly smelly old lady were both exhausted. Huffing and puffing she looked hat him with a twinkle in her eye and said they could have as much venison as they wanted. He yelled out to his mates
"Hey guys, help yourself to the venison"
"Fuck the venison" cried one, "Just keep chucking out those hot buttered corncobs"
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quickies
Why do Aussie guys cum so quickly?
So they can run down to the pub and tell their mates
How does an Aussie guy give his girlfriend the fuck of her life?
Send her to bed with a Kiwi
What do you get if you cross a Kiwi with an Aussie
A dole bludging thief that's too lazy to steal
Why do Maori ladies have such big purses?
To carry their lipstick
Mummy Mummy, can I play with grandad?
No, you've already dug him up 3 times this week
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