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Sick, Twisted & Wrong Jokes - Part II

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Garry and Barry are having a big night out down the pub when after a few too many Barry suddenly spews all down the front of his new shirt. Horrified he looks at his mate Garry and says " what the hell am i going to do now, when i get home my missus is going to kill me" Barry being the smart man that he is replies " don''t worry just put $20 in your top pocket and when you get home tell your wife that some idiot was sick all over you, but at least they offered to pay for the dry cleaning". "Brilliant" says Garry " might as well knock a few more back for the road"

Garry finally arrives home, walks through the front door when his wife takes one look at the state of him and hits the roof. " It's o.k darling it wasn't me' he says " some young bloke was sick all over my shirt, he even offered to pay $20 for the dry cleaning, it's in my top pocket"! His wife walks over and reaches into his top pocket, " hey i thought you said he offered to pay 20 dollars, there's 40 bucks here". " Oh yeah he shit in my pants as well".
 
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MULISHA said:
Whats the difference between an oyster shucker and a [heterosexual guy who likes to fuck his girlfirend up the arse] when she has diarrhoea ?
One shucks between the fits and the other fucks between the shits
ba-boom
Above youll find the newly edited version of 'mulishas' homophobic joke. The parts in brackets are edited by me.
Us homosexuals usually like to douche before we fuck you douchebag. In all my years as a gay man, Ive not seen much shit down there. We are usually very clean types as the stereotype says.
FACT-the biggest selling american porn genre is hetero anal. I bet you dont find many hetero men sitting around with their mates bragging about how they fucked their chick up the arse, or how they masturbate over anal sex videos/dvds. At least gay men are honest about it.


Joke- Whats the difference between a homosexual man and a heterosexual man?
About a six pack of beer.
 
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^^ You are 100% right. But this thread is all about being moronically sterotypical and completely offensive. RTM

Ok, back to the twistedness

Sure Jesus loves you, but does he swallow?

Jesus was coming, but he pulled out.

Q: What blue and never fits properly
A: A dead epileptic

Q: What is 18 inches long, stiff and makes women scream?
A: Cot death

Q: Whats blue and fucks grannys?
A: hyperthermia
 
sandyfreckle said:
Above youll find the newly edited version of 'mulishas' homophobic joke. The parts in brackets are edited by me.
Us homosexuals usually like to douche before we fuck you douchebag. In all my years as a gay man, Ive not seen much shit down there. We are usually very clean types as the stereotype says.
FACT-the biggest selling american porn genre is hetero anal. I bet you dont find many hetero men sitting around with their mates bragging about how they fucked their chick up the arse, or how they masturbate over anal sex videos/dvds. At least gay men are honest about it.


Joke- Whats the difference between a homosexual man and a heterosexual man?
About a six pack of beer.

Chill the fuck out nigga!!! :D

it's a joke thread.....
 
Q: What's the difference between a homosexual and a hetrosexual?
A: One is attracted to the same sex, whereas the other is attracted to the opposite sex.

Q: How many black guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one. Same as it takes white guys.

Q: What do you call a bluelighter who takes life too seriously?
A: sandyfreckle!

=D ;)
 
swifty said:
Chill the fuck out nigga!!! :D

it's a joke thread.....

Yeah well I dont find heterosexual men joking about gays,shit and anal sex funny in any way, just hypocritical, considering Ive fucked so many of them.Just as Im sure black people dont like racist jokes and women dont like sexist jokes. Each to their own i guess. Where are all the jokes about hetero whitey dude? tell me those ones.
 
Sandyfreckle.........cool it bro.........lol. ur crackin me up here.


Dudes and dudettes.........give him a break for a while huh and cut him some slack.

If you hadnt realised already.........

He has only joined in the last few hours.
He has obviously had some pretty nasty experiences on other boards and gord only knows where else to be this defensive everywhere he treads.
Lets give him a chance to see that we are a cool bunch here and not really animals as he probably beliueves.........lol.

Imagine if you were suddenly thrown into a room where you saw people cooking in pots while being stirred by a witch doctor.......... your first thought may well be anger...........of course later you realise its just a new spa and sauna technique..........lol.

Now if he goes on with it tomorrow.........egg him...........lol.
 
There aren't any straight white people jokes because straight white people are jokes. Most straight white people are so boring and conformist that it's not even worth stereotyping. Would it make you feel better if there were as many jokes about straight guys as there are about gay guys?

Why get offended about this sort of stuff? Just because someone makes a joke which plays on a stereotype, that doesn't make it true. Protesting and getting all upset just makes people wonder why you're so defensive.

But just for you, here's one that bags white people:

Q: What do you call 100 white people chasing a black guy?
A: The PGA

(learn to laugh at yourself, please)
 
Man, white heterosexual middle class males are the only true animals left in the world, they are the only people you can make fun of, insult, rip on and demean without having to worry about retribution, court cases or fucken pride marches as a result of their bruised ego's, so just lighten up dude.
 
HA HA HA

see the main part of this thread is JOKE...

where it is suppose to make you laugh, no matter of your colour, gender, or sexual preference...

you either take it to heart or ignore... because its ONLY A FUCKIN JOKE!!!

Keystroke is a racist, sexist, poofter hating cunt... but thats what makes him!

I still vote him for PM!
 
lmfao at this whole thread (or at least, this page) :)

Good Friday-at-work-with-a-hangover cure.
 
haha I think I have almost offended evey minority group in the world with my jokes in this thread. Gotta remember that Sandy isn't the only one to disaprove of some of the humour in this thread. Flick back and look at early pages and I think you will find a number of disaproving posts. Its just Sandy is new here so hasn't quite got a handle of the true sickness of people in this thread of whom I doubt are accurately represented by the humour they post in here. My last joke i posted in here was about sending a jew with a short attention span to concentration camp. Fuck I'm not racist or believe that to be a true fair statement but the point of this thread is to tell tasteless jokes so BRING EM ON.

How do you keep your neighbours kids off your lawn?

Mollest them



Beech
 
An Arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint:

"Your name please?"
He replies "Abdul Aziz"

"Sex?"
Abdul: "Six times a week"

"No no, I mean male or female"?
Abdul: Doesn't matter, sometimes even camel"


=D
 
Q.What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A. quarter pounder with cheese

Q.Why do you wrap a guinea pig in gaffer tape?
A. so that when you fuck it ,it doesnt split.

Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage as they have wisened to the fact that for 200 grams of sausage, it's not worth buying the entire pig!

What's the worthless piece of skin hanging off the end of a penis?
A man.

How many hetero men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed heterosexual man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.

Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in any more.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What do you call a straight man with half a brain?
Gifted.

Why did God put men on earth?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
 
re freckle: Good to see you back :) :) Keep em comin!


A tourist coach passes through a small country town in Australia.
One of the passengers notices a sheep tied to a lamppost on the corner in the main street.
"Oh that," says the guide, "that's the Recreation Centre"


Two blokes are chatting over a beer. "Do you like sheilas with bad odour?" one bloke asked his friend.
"No way!" his mate replies.
"Well," says the first bloke, "Do you like pussies as big as watermelons?"
"Fuck no!" his mate replies.
"Well," said the first bloke, "why are you fuckin' my wife then?"


A little girl is in line to see Santa.
When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap.
Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken?"
"No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."
 
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