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Sick, Twisted & Wrong Jokes - Part II

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There's this hippy on a bus and he sees this really good looking nun that gets him really horny. So he goes up to the nun and says "how about u and me having sex?" the nun is horrified and moves away. The bus driver overheard and says to the hippy "Hey, that nun weeds the cementary every afternoon. Why don't you go down there dressed up as Jesus Christ and i'm sure she''ll have sex with you".
So that afternoon the hippy goes to the cementary dressed as Jesus and approces the nun.
"Sister, i have been resurrected and havent had sex for over 2000 years. Will you have sex with me"
The nun is shocked but says "Well of course, but can we have anal as its the wrong time of the month"
So they do. When they finish the hippy pulls of his disguise and says "ha ha! tricked you! I'm really the hippy!"
The nun then pulls of her disguise and says "ha ha! tricked YOU! I'm really the bus driver!"
 
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A lady goes to the doctor in the search of bigger breasts. the doctor tells her to rub her breasts each day with toilet paper.
She asks, "Will that make my boobs grow!!??"
Doctor, "well it's certainly worked on your arse!"
 
ques: what happenned to the lesbian couple who got their lubricant mixed up with the silicon gasket goo?



ans: their windows fell out.
 
An aboriginal walks into a bar with a seagull on his shoulder. The barman says "Hey where did you get that?" and the seagull replies "At the tip, there's fucking loads of 'em!"

Q - Why do they call it a Pap Smear?
A - Coz no one would have one if they called it a cunt scrape. . .

Q - What did Tarzan say when he saw the Elephants coming?
A - "Here come the elephants".

Q - What's the difference between a priest and pimples?
A - A priest will come on your face before puberty.

couldn't resist :D
 
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Little Janey was in the shower with her father.
Janey says "What's that Daddy?"
Daddy says "That's a penis."
"When am I gonna get one of those" Janey asks..
"Oh in about 5 minutes when your mother goes to work...."
 
Q. Whats green and with the flick of a switch turns red?
A. Frog in a blender.

Q. Why couldn't the baby walk down the hall?
A. It had a javalin thru its head.

Q. Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
A. It was dead.
Q. Why did the 2nd koala fall out of the tree?
A. He was tied to the first koala.
Q. Why did the 3rd koala fall out of the tree?
A. He was tied to a refridgerator.
Q. Why did the 4th koala fall out of the tree?
A. He thought it was the new trend.

Q. Why did the plane crash?
A. The pilot was a loaf of bread.
Q. Why did the plane really crash?
A. Cause the stewardess ate the pilot.

Q. Whats blue and yellow and sits at the bottom of the pool?
A. Baby with slashed floaties.
Q. Whats red and yellow and floats on top of the pool?
A. Floaties with slashed baby.

Q. What did the farmer say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?
A. "There's a herd of elephants coming over the hill"
Q. What did the farmer say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses?
A. Nothing, he didnt recognise them.

And my fave of all time....

Q. What's red and looks like a bucket?
A. A red bucket :D
Q. Whats green and looks like a bucket?
A. A green bucket.
Q. Whats blue and looks like a bucket?
A. A red bucket holding its breath.

Ciao!!!
 
Man gives blood to save his girlfriend's life -- later they split up and he says gimme the blood back -- she throws him a used tampon and says I'll pay you monthly ya bastard!
 
email bomb 356784768a.

Recently a "Husband Shopping Centre" opened in Booragoon, where
women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in
five
floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended. The
only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a
man from that floor.

If you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave
the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some
husbands...

First floor The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and
love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than
not having a job, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"
So up they went.

Second floor The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love
kids, and are extremely good looking." Hmmm, said the ladies. But, I
wonder what's further up?

Third floor This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are
extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."
Wow! said the women. Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up!

And up they went.

Fourth floor This door had a sign saying "These men have high
paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the
housework, and have a strong romantic streak .." Oh, mercy me.


But just think! What must be awaiting us further on! So up to the
fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and
exists only to prove that women are f*cking impossible to please."
 
Whats better than 2 roses on your piano?
2 lips on your organ
 
Why do Italian guy like to eat girls out whle they have their period?

So they can wear the Dolmio grin.
 
What's the worst thing about fucking a 6 yr old girl?

Wiping the blood off your clown suit
 
^^ oh fuck :D

Dunno if this one is on here or not...

What's the difference between eating a girl out and getting done for speeding?

At least when you eat a girl you can see the cunt behind the bush.

=D
 
What do you get when you stab a baby?

An erection.

so, so low

;)
 
Question What is blue and doesn't fit?

Answer A dead epileptic
 
Georgie porgie pudding and pie
jerked off in his girlfriends eye.
When that eye was dry and shut
he fucked that dirty one eyed slut.

A guy calls in sick for work, the fourth day running.
He's boss is pretty pissed off and says"this better be good, tell me how sick are you"
He replies"Well i'm in bed with my sister"

Did you hear about the thalidomide porn star?
Had an arm like babies cock.
 
how do you fit ten babies in a bucket?
with a blender

how do you get them out again?
with corn chips
 
youre a sick boy moe :p but ill try anything once... so how do we get these babies to make nachos? anyone got some car batteries and blankets? (if you dont get that read the baby shaking thread) ;)
 
double post

Whats the worst thing about fucking twenty-eight year olds?


There are twenty of them.
 
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