Sick, Twisted & Wrong Jokes - Part II
- Thread starter Pleonastic
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onetwothreefour
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Originally posted by TiTTy
Why can't Jesus play basketball?
He's nailed to a cross.
Why can't Jesus play basketball?
He's nailed to a cross.
best joke ever
Pseudo G
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- Feb 7, 2002
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What goes Black, Pink, Black, Pink, Black, Pink, White?
An aboriginal jacking off.
What goes White, White, Black, White, White, Black, Red
A couple of white guys beating up an aboriginal.
What goes White, White, Black, White, White, Black, Brown
A couple of white guys kicking the shit out of an aboriginal.
What's green and eats nuts?
Ghonorrea.
An aboriginal jacking off.
What goes White, White, Black, White, White, Black, Red
A couple of white guys beating up an aboriginal.
What goes White, White, Black, White, White, Black, Brown
A couple of white guys kicking the shit out of an aboriginal.
What's green and eats nuts?
Ghonorrea.
my innerself
Bluelighter
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- May 9, 2004
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- 1,865
whats so good about twentythree year olds?
theres twenty of them.
whats better then four eighteen year olds in your bed?
eighteen four year olds.
And in the interest of political correctness I povide this link.
www.childcarechecker.com
theres twenty of them.
whats better then four eighteen year olds in your bed?
eighteen four year olds.
And in the interest of political correctness I povide this link.
www.childcarechecker.com
gher
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- Jul 9, 2004
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- 2,446
What's the difference between a train carriage and a miscarriage?
You can't eat a train carriage.
Spider spider on the wall
you think your smart
you know all
your on the wall thats just been plastered
Now your stuck you stupid bastard!
Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her Thighs
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front
...but she didn't wear that one very often
You can't eat a train carriage.
Spider spider on the wall
you think your smart
you know all
your on the wall thats just been plastered
Now your stuck you stupid bastard!
Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her Thighs
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front
...but she didn't wear that one very often
beech
Bluelighter
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- Aug 18, 2003
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- 1,049
Well done to everyone on the wrongness of this thread, its very impressive.
Whats brown and sticky?
A stick
2 elephants fall off a cliff.............boom boom
Whats big green and if falls on you will kill you?
A pool table
What do you call a lady with 1 leg shorter than the other?
Ilene
What you call an asian lady with 1 leg shorter than the other?
Irene
What you call an asian lady leaning against your fence?
Pai Ling
A truck carry a load of bowling balls is driving through NT on its way to Alice Springs, the driver comes accross a young aboriginal kid walking down deserted road pushing his bike with flat tyres. The truck driver pulls over and tell the aboriginal kid he will give him a lift but he isn't allowed to travel in the cab and makes him sit with his bike on the back of the truck with the bowling balls. The truck eventually arrives in Alice and pulls up on at a pub for a drink and a rest much to the locals disgust. An old bloke gets up and tells the driver to get that truck outta here, the driver didn't understand at all, the local then yelled at him "look mate your carrying a load full of abbo eggs and one of em's already hatched and stolen a bike!".
Why did pauline hansen dye her hair red and shave off all her pubes?
Because she hates black cunts.
Beech out
Whats brown and sticky?
A stick
2 elephants fall off a cliff.............boom boom
Whats big green and if falls on you will kill you?
A pool table
What do you call a lady with 1 leg shorter than the other?
Ilene
What you call an asian lady with 1 leg shorter than the other?
Irene
What you call an asian lady leaning against your fence?
Pai Ling
A truck carry a load of bowling balls is driving through NT on its way to Alice Springs, the driver comes accross a young aboriginal kid walking down deserted road pushing his bike with flat tyres. The truck driver pulls over and tell the aboriginal kid he will give him a lift but he isn't allowed to travel in the cab and makes him sit with his bike on the back of the truck with the bowling balls. The truck eventually arrives in Alice and pulls up on at a pub for a drink and a rest much to the locals disgust. An old bloke gets up and tells the driver to get that truck outta here, the driver didn't understand at all, the local then yelled at him "look mate your carrying a load full of abbo eggs and one of em's already hatched and stolen a bike!".
Why did pauline hansen dye her hair red and shave off all her pubes?
Because she hates black cunts.
Beech out
ian_strong
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- Jun 15, 2003
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i just saw six guys belting the shit out of an abo outside my house. i went out and the lady next door said "u gonna help?" i said "no, six should be enough"
how can you tell if a lezzo is butch? she kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons
where does a domestic violence victim go when she gets out of hospital? straight back to the kitchen if she knows whats good for her
whats got ten thousand legs and four pubic hairs? a nikki webster concert.
how can you tell if a lezzo is butch? she kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons
where does a domestic violence victim go when she gets out of hospital? straight back to the kitchen if she knows whats good for her
whats got ten thousand legs and four pubic hairs? a nikki webster concert.
ravebuddha
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- May 25, 2004
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1)What's the best thing about fucking a 5 year old girl??
Turning her over and pretending it's a 5 year old boy
2)What's funnier than a dead baby??
A dead baby in a clown suit
(Dodgy your a legend!!)
3)Whats 12 inches long, purple and veiny and makes women scream in the morning??
Cot death
There about as sick as i know...
Turning her over and pretending it's a 5 year old boy
2)What's funnier than a dead baby??
A dead baby in a clown suit
(Dodgy your a legend!!)
3)Whats 12 inches long, purple and veiny and makes women scream in the morning??
Cot death
There about as sick as i know...
Naughtiest_Maximus
Bluelighter
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- Apr 10, 2004
- Messages
- 989
How do you stop a dog from rooting your leg?
Pick it up and suck it's dick.
What's the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead cats?
I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
What has two legs and bleeds profusely?
Half a cat.
Pick it up and suck it's dick.
What's the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead cats?
I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
What has two legs and bleeds profusely?
Half a cat.
TiTTy
Bluelighter
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- May 25, 2003
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- 1,001
Why do chics always go to the toilet after sex?
Have you ever tried to peel open a toasted ham, cheese and tomato sandwich?
Not sure if i like it but hey its suitable for this thread.
I gotta stop hanging out with guys this is the third time I've posted in this thread this week!
Have you ever tried to peel open a toasted ham, cheese and tomato sandwich?
Not sure if i like it but hey its suitable for this thread.
I gotta stop hanging out with guys this is the third time I've posted in this thread this week!
Last edited:
Chronic_citizen
Bluelighter
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- Apr 2, 2004
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- 163
OK... so theres farmer, named John, an absolute fucken weapon, i mean the guys 6"4, 130 kilos- built like a rig...u'd never fuck with this guy. now John also happens to have these 3 really attractive, 17 yr old daughters, there really hot, and he's really protective of them... so every friday night, guys come from all around the contry side just to try and pick up this farmers daughters, and he sits ther by the front door with his shot gun ready to blast any fucker that disrespects his daughters. so friday nite he's sittin there shot gun in hand drinkin a beer and the door knocks... this little scrawny kids at the door and stutters 'Hh-hhh-hi my names Jo im here to pick up Flo im goin to take her to the show... Farmer John sez now that doesnt sound to bad ya know, Flo comin on your goin to the show. 10 minutes later the door knocks again.. another young lad asnwers and sez hi im Eddy im here to pick up betty were gunna eat spaghetti. again farmer john sez ahh ya know that doesnt sound to bad either, Betty get goin.. after while the farmers gettin but pissed off... he didnt get to use his shotgun at all tonite, half n hour goes by and the door knocks again... he answers. the lad at the door goes G'day mate my names tucker.....farmer blows his fucken head off.
beech
Bluelighter
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- Aug 18, 2003
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- 1,049
OK OK dont hate me for these but this pretty much exhausts my stock of wrong wrong jokes apart from 1 or 2 that I'm not game to post.
Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded
Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
A: Hypothermia
Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the
battered wives' shelter?
A: The dishes, if she knows what's good for her
Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time
A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?
A: They don't fucking listen.
Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A: Gonorrhoea
Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
A: So women would know what it's like to live with an
irritating cunt once in a while too.
Q. How can you tell a macho woman?
A. She rolls her own tampons.
Q. Why do fags like ribbed condoms?
A. Better traction in the mud.
Q. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.
Q. What's the difference between acne and a Michael Jackson?
A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at
least 13 years old.
Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A. Marry it.
Q. What do you get when you cross two black people?
A. Your ass kicked.
Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
Q. What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?
A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles an hour.
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
Q. How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A. The cake jumps out of the girl.
Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Q. How is pubic hair like parsley?
A. You push it to the side before you start eating.
Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A. You know she'll swallow.
Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and sex Education on the same day in Iraq?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel
Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewellery.
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand...
Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.
Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it
SORRY
Beech out
Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded
Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
A: Hypothermia
Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the
battered wives' shelter?
A: The dishes, if she knows what's good for her
Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time
A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?
A: They don't fucking listen.
Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A: Gonorrhoea
Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
A: So women would know what it's like to live with an
irritating cunt once in a while too.
Q. How can you tell a macho woman?
A. She rolls her own tampons.
Q. Why do fags like ribbed condoms?
A. Better traction in the mud.
Q. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.
Q. What's the difference between acne and a Michael Jackson?
A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at
least 13 years old.
Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A. Marry it.
Q. What do you get when you cross two black people?
A. Your ass kicked.
Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
Q. What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?
A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles an hour.
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
Q. How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A. The cake jumps out of the girl.
Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Q. How is pubic hair like parsley?
A. You push it to the side before you start eating.
Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A. You know she'll swallow.
Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and sex Education on the same day in Iraq?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel
Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewellery.
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand...
Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.
Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it
SORRY
Beech out
beech
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2003
- Messages
- 1,049
ok ok 1 more just to make sure i've offended every possible group of people/
Two families move from Pakistan to Australia.
When they arrive the two fathers make a bet.
In a year's time whichever family has become more Australian will win. A
year later they meet again: The first man says, "My son is playing AFL,
I had a meat pie with sauce for breakfast and I'm on my way to pick up a
case of VB, how about you? "The second man replies, "F..k off
towelhead."
Beech out
Two families move from Pakistan to Australia.
When they arrive the two fathers make a bet.
In a year's time whichever family has become more Australian will win. A
year later they meet again: The first man says, "My son is playing AFL,
I had a meat pie with sauce for breakfast and I'm on my way to pick up a
case of VB, how about you? "The second man replies, "F..k off
towelhead."
Beech out
rm1x
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2003
- Messages
- 2,646
A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Dad, do ya know how old I am today?"
His father says, "No...how old?"
He says, "I'm eleven!"
He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Nanna, know how old I am today?"
She says, "Come closer..."
She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear.
She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven."
He says, "How could you tell?"
She says, "I heard you tell your father."
His father says, "No...how old?"
He says, "I'm eleven!"
He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Nanna, know how old I am today?"
She says, "Come closer..."
She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear.
She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven."
He says, "How could you tell?"
She says, "I heard you tell your father."
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