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Deep Sick of it all.

i should give up
i should give up pills
i should give up alcohol
i should give up cannabis
i should give up hope
i should give up drugs
i should give up caring
i should give up loving
i should give up sharing
i should give up hating
i should give up sex
i should give up on life
i should give up
i have given up everything
nothing left to try
 
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Old Farm House

In the middle of nowhere we speed until we wake from a street
in the middle of nowhere where tractors are still cool
in the middle of nowhere no random eyes so I can be that fool
in the middle of nowhere we sleep anywhere cause we drunk as fuck
 
Nothing had meaning
but then I realized how It REALLY works
nothing has meaning until it has
I dont care about people until I do
when I end up caring alot its dangerous and beautiful
dangerous for me and hopefully beautiful for them
well yeah its beautiful for me too
I woke up listening to some black metal
thinking about doing a line of speed
to upgrade my state of being a level higher
even if just for a while I could smile
Im somewhat materialistic so I tend to show my affection
or maybe Im just libra haha
I was raised to be a company man so I became the antithesis
I hate lying which is one more paradox more
so I have recently tried to tell the truth
it seems to have worked
atleast with the people I know and love
so I guess I should leave the truth with them
in every other place I almost must lie
I had an interesting conversation yesterday with my friends
it was about what percentage of people would you kill to save the planet
sadly with the current system even 80% aint propably enough
I had a mental awakening few weeks back when I finally
realised that all political systems work just as they were intended to
so its not fuck capitalism its "fuck humanity, news, tv shows, radio music and
every fucking shit that has affected populations opinion
on what is okay etc what is to be gain in life and in workplace"
 
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Its fuck capitalism, my dude, you dunno where you live.. all this poverty all over the world.. Go to work, see for urself. Then you will appreciate $, I since when I was a kido I learned to work in construction site, I don't work legally anymore because I don't need to, I have my own income from my tricks but speaking on topic, it's what it's.
 
Im gonna change my surname to "Idunfukdup"

Im in a room with another antisocial schizophrenic
he thinks Im full of shit but I already knew it
my biggest goal is to burn Vatican down
satanic rituals and all that
burning Vatican down sounds fucking heroic to me
something to aim for
even that was shit
I know its shit but you and I know its true
Im full of shit but still burning Vatican down is something to aim for
I cant accept the things seriously rich people do
and I recognize that capitalism just masks the problem that is human greed
so I try to aim my greed to be "good" even when its selfish
Im self serving that way
paradoxically Im toxic but
my ramblings are void of logic, mostly
cause I dont think it through, my brains hotboxing
when Im with other people, I fear Im getting doxxing
service coming at my way for those not so hot pics
 
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Fact Rant

My aspergers is a fucking curse
it brought me adhd anxiety etc
and fucking literal humor
people dont even understand
when Im joking. Like cmon
but then again I dont understand
when they are joking
someone said something?
I will think for the rest of my life
that they, of course, meant me
because I fucking take it literally
its fairly simple to grasp
but since we are on internet
it really aint
fuck noises, voices, lights etc
gives me headache
Im wondering if autists on
internet receive more "racism"
than black people on America
doesnt really matter
atleast theres drugs and
some good people
but fuck it if it even sucks
 
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I thought Id wake up in a better mood

Im mostly a void
thats just how it is
I need to know what youre
meaning cause Im a machine
I became my alter ego
the call me mr nice guy
cause I stopped wanting paint the sky black
so I wanted paint it bright
is the real me the raging one
cause thats what Im afraid of
I still jizz in my sleep but
I just cant remember what I dreamed of
 
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