Also going through 'the cycle', for the felt trillion-th time. But no surprises here, kind of know what I'm doing or getting myself into by now. Achy, cranky, shaky, snot-y, sweating whilst having the chills, restless-everything, ..and ultimate gloom, of course.
I find, by watching all this over and over again, all the emotional stuff becomes
less personal and I kind of welcome this, because I think it is (not personal). Not just in withdrawal although this makes it more apparent, but generally in life. My ego hates this, telling me "you are dissociating, you won't feel anything ever, it will just be stale for the rest of your life" and jazz like that..
I wonder, if it might not be the other way around, meaning: not getting caught up in all this so much is a way to
actually being able to feel these things/emotions. Being totally absorbed and gripped by them, one literally
becomes them (and usually acts it out), there is no space and all these labels like pleasant/unpleasant etc. become soo damn important that it becomes a rat race of avoiding and clinging.
It's not that I don't experience this myself, but
what is it or what do you think it is that you welcome when you get swept away with all these emotions (again)? A sense of feeling alive? Or just 'better' than feeling nothing/numb? Or do you thing that's the way it's supposed to be? Or ..?