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Opioids Sentimentality during withdrawal

Jgovner

Jgovner

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 11, 2019
Messages
22
Ive been addicted to opiates on and for 15yrs withdrawal is a horrible thing to go through especially restless legs which is hell.There is only one thing i like about withdrawal and that's when your emotions come back and you find yourself crying to some corny 70S song.usally im not a emotional person.I feel im coming alive again and the smallest thing makes me cry its like been born again.Does anyone else get floods of emotion and sentimentality?
 
Yes and in a major way. I do not exactly have a scientific explanation, but I can tell you how I feel about the subject (see what I did there?).

I felt whenever I took heroin that the pain it killed the most was the emotional pain. Not only that but I felt as though it had killed my ability to feel, period. All I wanted to feel was the rush and the high vs. the sickness; that was my life.

So whenever I went into and out of withdrawal clean I always felt my emotions returning to me all at once. It would often overwhelm me. Crying is normal. I've cried a river (and sometimes, for no good reason at all).
 
Jgovner said:
Ive been addicted to opiates on and for 15yrs withdrawal is a horrible thing to go through especially restless legs which is hell.There is only one thing i like about withdrawal and that's when your emotions come back and you find yourself crying to some corny 70S song.usally im not a emotional person.I feel im coming alive again and the smallest thing makes me cry its like been born again.Does anyone else get floods of emotion and sentimentality?
Click to expand...
YES! All those things. Restless legs is the worst symptom to me as well and 2 days into withdrawal i relapsed (going on a 13yr addiction to opiates/opioids and still not clean, unfortunately). The restlessness and lack of sleep was just too much to handle in my case. Also yes, I'd say the only 2 withdrawal symptoms that I found mildly pleasant was the major increase in sex drive and appreciation for sentimental/emotional songs. For some reason this one made me tear up the last time i was in near-withdrawal.
 
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These would be some of my "get through withdrawal" songs. They basically all have the message of either "don't worry, everything's gonna be okay" or "i know its fun, but its killing you".









And lastly, this one. They played it at my uncle's funeral, who died from a faulty fentanyl patch he was prescribed for a condition. https://youtu.be/C3uaXCJcRrE
 
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Also going through 'the cycle', for the felt trillion-th time. But no surprises here, kind of know what I'm doing or getting myself into by now. Achy, cranky, shaky, snot-y, sweating whilst having the chills, restless-everything, ..and ultimate gloom, of course. :cry:

I find, by watching all this over and over again, all the emotional stuff becomes less personal and I kind of welcome this, because I think it is (not personal). Not just in withdrawal although this makes it more apparent, but generally in life. My ego hates this, telling me "you are dissociating, you won't feel anything ever, it will just be stale for the rest of your life" and jazz like that.. :cautious:

I wonder, if it might not be the other way around, meaning: not getting caught up in all this so much is a way to actually being able to feel these things/emotions. Being totally absorbed and gripped by them, one literally becomes them (and usually acts it out), there is no space and all these labels like pleasant/unpleasant etc. become soo damn important that it becomes a rat race of avoiding and clinging.

It's not that I don't experience this myself, but what is it or what do you think it is that you welcome when you get swept away with all these emotions (again)? A sense of feeling alive? Or just 'better' than feeling nothing/numb? Or do you thing that's the way it's supposed to be? Or ..?
 
Jgovner said:
For me its like being born again not in a christian sense but i notice the birds in the sky and the warm sun and the beauty of life after feeling nothing for so,so long.you feel so alive.
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I'm not questioning your experience, but why do you use in the first place? It sounds like using <whatever> prevents you from enjoying life, which would be an odd activity to engage in then. Never mind, thanx.

Edit: I just reread your first post, opiates - 15yrs, now in this context, what you wrote makes a lot more sense to me. Anyway, all the best..
 
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@Jgovner I really love all that you’ve shared.
May I ask what opiates you have been taking and at what doses? Were you using daily?

I’m an Oxy user—they’re prescribed. Prior to COVID I would often locate additional Oxys as needed or wanted from other people with scripts. As a chronic pain patient I don’t see myself quitting opiates, yet the lure of what you’ve described is quite enticing.

To get excited about birds outside (I love feeding and picking up geese and ducks), to enjoy the blue skies and to go walk on the beach and pick up seashells sounds fabulous. I want that again for myself. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy these activities, the experiences just seem a bit covered with a haze that makes the outing or event less wondrous. I hope this makes sense.
 
For anyone withdrawing right now--I went through the worst one within my lifetime about 3 months ago.

It really does get better even if it's impossible to see. I was probably at rock bottom in regards to how I've ever felt so far. The quarantine shot my habits up 3x fold. My previous withdrawal made me regret ever existing. Now I'm fine--actually wondering if I ever want to dabble in opiates ever again :) Once it's all over -- it'll feel like a molly crash or a bad LSD trip. "That's all that was." No one can make deals with the devil and just walk away. Some pain is inevitable for us all.

Opiates colorize the world until the only thing that matters is the next dose. And then the world is pitch black. A flat and grey world of sobriety is a step up from pure suffering. And with opiates it's hard to realize you're no longer benefitting from your use. Everything becomes so confusing and opiates have far too much power in your life by that point.
 
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@GetMeOutOfThisCRAP
Were you prescribed opiates regularly for pain or did you source them alternatively?
I’m afraid of how I would manage the pain without opiates. Yesterday I picked up 120 Oxys and I’m trying to use as few as I can. I used 2 yesterday and I’m about to use my second one today. Due to ulcers and anemia resulting in blood transfusions I cannot take ibuprofen, aspirin or naproxen. I can take Tylenol, which does fuck all for me.
Opiate addiction is a real bitch. And I don’t know how I’m ever going to escape this place I’ve been in for nearly 20 years.
 
Yeah man. In the morning I was watching Precious (2009 film about a girl with a really shitty life) and for the first time since I watch the end hit me like never before. I was about to cry, my eyes got teary, which is weird because I almost got very sentimental, especially with movies.
 
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BellaJewel said:
@GetMeOutOfThisCRAP
Were you prescribed opiates regularly for pain or did you source them alternatively?
I’m afraid of how I would manage the pain without opiates. Yesterday I picked up 120 Oxys and I’m trying to use as few as I can. I used 2 yesterday and I’m about to use my second one today. Due to ulcers and anemia resulting in blood transfusions I cannot take ibuprofen, aspirin or naproxen. I can take Tylenol, which does fuck all for me.
Opiate addiction is a real bitch. And I don’t know how I’m ever going to escape this place I’ve been in for nearly 20 years.
Click to expand...

It was not for pain. I lost control of myself completely and the rest was a bit of a blurr.

I think for someone with chronic pain--I've heard patients learning to manage when they need the substance for physical pain or mental. It is possible to take back control! Good luck <3

Precious was a hard watch indeed lolol
 
Jgovner said:
Ive been addicted to opiates on and for 15yrs withdrawal is a horrible thing to go through especially restless legs which is hell.There is only one thing i like about withdrawal and that's when your emotions come back and you find yourself crying to some corny 70S song.usally im not a emotional person.I feel im coming alive again and the smallest thing makes me cry its like been born again.Does anyone else get floods of emotion and sentimentality?
Click to expand...

Oh absolutely. I try to "go with it" as much as I can. I mean, you have no choice really, but like I'll watch something that is super meaningful. Last year, I was crying when the Mandalorian was taking baby yoda out of the town.

One show that was really therapeutic was the "I shouldn't be alive" series- they're all on youtube. Like many people, I think this was the first one I watched:

But they're all good for the most part. And they were meaningful, because in my withdrawal, I felt a connection to being stranded, starving, near death, alone, waiting to be rescued, etc. Very cathartic. And I knew that, if I just hung in there, it would get better, just like for all the people in those videos who eventually get rescued. Sometimes their compatriots die, and again, there's another symbolic thing with addiction, often we know people who've died because of OD'ing or years of abuse wearing out a brain, heart, liver, kidneys, lungs, etc. Anyway, I highly recommend the "I shouldn't be alive" series. Install ublock origin in your browser so you don't have to watch the ads on youtube. If on Android on mobile, use firefox and you can install ublock origin in firefox.

But yeah, I say go with it. Find a show or documentary or whatever that really speaks to you, and let the emotions flow through you.
 
bongdong said:
I'm not questioning your experience, but why do you use in the first place? It sounds like using <whatever> prevents you from enjoying life, which would be an odd activity to engage in then. Never mind, thanx.

Edit: I just reread your first post, opiates - 15yrs, now in this context, what you wrote makes a lot more sense to me. Anyway, all the best..
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To answer your question, Trainspotting summed it up with "who needs reasons when you've got heroin". Basically the whole meaning behind that, is that for some folks its easier to dedicate their life to 1 big problem, rather than tackle countless problems that come with ordinary, day-to-day life. Its easy for me to understand that reasoning, even if it is illogical and unhealthy.
 
GetMeOutOfThisCRAP said:
For anyone withdrawing right now--I went through the worst one within my lifetime about 3 months ago.

It really does get better even if it's impossible to see. I was probably at rock bottom in regards to how I've ever felt so far. The quarantine shot my habits up 3x fold. My previous withdrawal made me regret ever existing. Now I'm fine--actually wondering if I ever want to dabble in opiates ever again :) Once it's all over -- it'll feel like a molly crash or a bad LSD trip. "That's all that was." No one can make deals with the devil and just walk away. Some pain is inevitable for us all.

Opiates colorize the world until the only thing that matters is the next dose. And then the world is pitch black. A flat and grey world of sobriety is a step up from pure suffering. And with opiates it's hard to realize you're no longer benefitting from your use. Everything becomes so confusing and opiates have far too much power in your life by that point.
Click to expand...
Beautifully explained. "No one can make deals with the devil and just walk away"...I can totally relate. 🙃
 
Someone needs to come up wi
BellaJewel said:
@Jgovner I really love all that you’ve shared.
May I ask what opiates you have been taking and at what doses? Were you using daily?

I’m an Oxy user—they’re prescribed. Prior to COVID I would often locate additional Oxys as needed or wanted from other people with scripts. As a chronic pain patient I don’t see myself quitting opiates, yet the lure of what you’ve described is quite enticing.

To get excited about birds outside (I love feeding and picking up geese and ducks), to enjoy the blue skies and to go walk on the beach and pick up seashells sounds fabulous. I want that again for myself. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy these activities, the experiences just seem a bit covered with a haze that makes the outing or event less wondrous. I hope this makes sense.
Click to expand...
BellaJewel said:
@Jgovner I really love all that you’ve shared.
May I ask what opiates you have been taking and at what doses? Were you using daily?

I’m an Oxy user—they’re prescribed. Prior to COVID I would often locate additional Oxys as needed or wanted from other people with scripts. As a chronic pain patient I don’t see myself quitting opiates, yet the lure of what you’ve described is quite enticing.

To get excited about birds outside (I love feeding and picking up geese and ducks), to enjoy the blue skies and to go walk on the beach and pick up seashells sounds fabulous. I want that again for myself. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy these activities, the experiences just seem a bit covered with a haze that makes the outing or event less wondrous. I hope this makes sense.
Click to expand...
Hey bella,thanks for your post.Im coming off fentanyl patches at the moment and im finding it quite hard.Nature and animals remind me that there is still innocence and beauty in this world that surrounded by horror.
 
FunctionalJnkieGrl said:


And lastly, this one. They played it at my uncle's funeral, who died from a faulty fentanyl patch he was prescribed for a condition.
Click to expand...


I love this Gorillaz song. Heard it the first time when I was in my first inpatient treatment facility.

Such a great song.

Funny how a musical genius can turn a sad subject of addiction into a beautiful, happy sounding masterpiece
 
supersonic89 said:
Yeah man. In the morning I was watching Precious (2009 film about a girl with a really shitty life) and for the first time since I watch the end hit me like never before. I was about to cry, my eyes got teary, which is weird because I almost got very sentimental, especially with movies.
Click to expand...

Bro! What's up? Perfect topic on this thread for for me to ask you: How's it been? How is your Tramadol detox attempt? I hope you're okay!
 
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