Self-harm support thread v. 3

[n3ophy7e]

Awww honey I'm so sorry to hear you did that
Have you put any antiseptic/healing cream on it since?? To aide the healing process (and therefore reduce the scarring) you really need to take care of the wound, okay?? Get some Savlon or something like it, please take care of yourself. And PM me if you want to talk about anything, you know I'm here for you

 

[Sweet P]

^ Thanks hun. I have been putting some savlon on the wounds, and once they heal up I might get some Bio-Oil to help reduce the scarring.

 

[Cloudburst]

I think you need to distance yourself from the girl. I know it's cheesy, but you need to take care of yourself first. If she's messed up too, there's little chance for you to really work if you're both users and going down instead of up. What drugs are you using? Do you think you can slow down? Have you considered professional help? Not going back to a mental hospital per se, but just talking with a professional about your problems?

I've been trying my best to distance myself from her. I have a tendency to get obsessed and clingy due to my low self-esteem. I'm starting to mature and understand it's not worth it to worship a person in such a situation, better to treat her as a human being and not a goddess. I've been making efforts not to see and talk to her as much so I can detach myself emotionally from her.

I'm using countless substances. I've been diagnosed with severe polysubstance dependecy. I've been addicted to a lot of drugs, which I usually combine, for years basically. I have a psychiatrist and psychologist. They have specifically told me I will go back to the mental hospital/rehab if I relapse. I've been lying about my drug use, pretending I've been clean. Furthermore, my mental situation is so bad they will commit me involuntarily if I tell them the truth about my dark thoughts (suicide, cutting, delusions, etc.).

If you ARE worried about cutting and don't want to get into the habit of doing it, then you shouldn't be using drugs which could trigger the morbid curiosity. You gotta try and slow down with the use, because if you let drugs continue to beat you up, you'll eventually cave in during one of the low moments, thinking that the cutting rush can somehow make up for a lacking drug rush. It won't necessarily do such, and you'll have a new devil in your life. Does that make any sense? Please do try and take care of yourself first. I hope you can feel better.

Yes, I notice some drugs trigger an almost automatic instance of me cutting at times, very strange. I've tried my best to slow down but the withdrawals are so terrible that I simply want to destroy myself as well. It's a fucking trap. I'm trying my best to avoid any more demons. Thanks for the advice.

 

[n3ophy7e]

^ Thanks hun. I have been putting some savlon on the wounds, and once they heal up I might get some Bio-Oil to help reduce the scarring.

That's good to hear hun. Take care okay??
I've been using Bio-Oil on all my scars for about 3 months, and it's reduced the visibility of them only slightly because my scars are mostly pretty damn deep. But on the older, thinner ones it's been really successful. So depending on the depth of the wounds, you should get some good results

 

[versd]

yep bio oil works ok on the shallow cuts, the deep ones are a bit more problematic... i think the only way would be to get surgery to get the scar tissue removed and the wound properly sutured?

 

[Ds]

today hasn't been a good day

sorry i haven't been in tds here lately, to be honest with you i've been ignoring it. Just because its really fucking depressing to hear people going through so much shit. It makes me :'(.
So here I am, life hasn't been so good to me lately. This is my third day waking up after dark. I missed class this morning. I could go into thousands of reasons why i missed class but for now I'm just going to say that I fucked up. Sorry god, but I seriously slipped up, made a mistake. I wont say it wont happen again, I will just work on it and make things right. If it happens again I know it doesn't mean you don't love me. It means that I have some improvement to do.
My need for school has dropped here in the past month, I've been drinking everyday, smoking everyday, and messing around with my friends and going to parties and meet ups with girls.

Things could be a lot worse, really I could be dead.
For today, or the 5 hours left in the night I'm going to try, try and do something productive.
Sorry it's been so long.

Drew

 

[Sweet P]

^ I'm sorry to hear you're having a shitty time at the moment, Drew. As hard as it is, try to keep up with your schooling and your usual routines. Don't let yourself get stuck in a rut. And please try to take care of yourself... self-destructive behaviour can have some nasty consequences in the long term, as I should know.

 

[Hannah Capps]

[Please do not continue to post like this or you will receive warning(s) on your account. -RL]

 

[GoldiexGladstone]

Feel so bad, after almost preaching to D's about not cutting and iv totally failed myself. Been so depressed lately. Also iv found myself sitting scratching my leg till it bleeds! Whats wrong with me, why do i keep going back. once its done a feel even worse for getting back to square one!
FUCK!!!!!!

 

[helisha burris]

can you help

I just realized i havent self harmed since about the beggining of july or last june. Maybe even earlier. This is kinda a record for me.

The lighter burns are still quite visable on my arm but i don't really care about that.

i was a cutter but havent done so in a while so i can relate, just stated subox feel like shit still 2nd day took 16 mg and still feel like shit

 

[paranoid android]

i was a cutter but havent done so in a while so i can relate, just stated subox feel like shit still 2nd day took 16 mg and still feel like shit

I dunno really i don't know the secret to gettin over this shit but ive done it. All i can say is that the bad feelings are fleeting. No matter how big of a pile of shit youve gotten yourself into you can change. No matter how shitty you feel it will pass. The dark clouds always pass.

This much i know and it's all that's kept me alive sometimes.

 

[Cloudburst]

Feel so bad, after almost preaching to D's about not cutting and iv totally failed myself. Been so depressed lately. Cutting is a great release. Also iv found myself sitting scratching my leg till it bleeds! Whats wrong with me, why do i keep going back. once its done a feel even worse for getting back to square one!
FUCK!!!!!!

I view a cutting habit to have parallels to almost a psychological chemical dependency of sorts in a lot of ways, though from the opinion of a cutter and an addict, being a cutter is much more disturbing because you're not numb and blind from what's going on. You see the blood. You can feel the scars and have to make an effort to hide them just to fit in. You feel like an outcast and hate yourself so much whenever you do it. You get this huge endorphin rush, an opiate-like high of sorts, along with the main effect of temporary emotional release, however very unhealthy it may be. You become hooked to that feeling just as a drug addict would and I consider it much more addictive than many drugs with dependence liabilities. It's a cocoon, a blanket and shelter from the rest of the world for just a few precious moments. Sound familiar? My point is there is NOTHING wrong with you or anyone else who has a difficult time with cutting. There are legitimate reasons why it is so incredibly addictive - but do NOT make this an excuse to continue cutting, by any means. Don't say you're back to square one. I don't know you, I don't know what's happened in your life. But I do know that you're better now than when you started. Remember that it's progress and not perfection. Just because you make a few screwups on the way does not automatically mean you have a good excuse to return back to how things were. And even if you have somehow ended up cutting with the same intensity as your previous peak, just compare thought processes, think about how now you're beating yourself up over cutting just once and you're giving people advice - helping others, improving things however you can through the pain. That's gotta be better than when you were likely just cutting yourself more frequently in total misery and loneliness, right? It may be very slow, but progress is there. Good luck.

i was a cutter but havent done so in a while so i can relate, just stated subox feel like shit still 2nd day took 16 mg and still feel like shit

I wish you the best of luck man, it's hell but feeling like shit's just your body's strange way of very vaguely communicating that you're getting much better with all that crap exiting your body. Just remember you absolutely have to commit yourself psychologically to quitting. The physical suffering is gonna be absolutely nothing to the mental challenges you're gonna confront but remember in a weird way that being an addict can improve character, boosts your resilience, tolerance, openness, many things. Two sides to a coin. Keep at it.

 

[[eK]]

Getting pretty depressed,
starting to develop suicidal thoughts.
I hate cutting but it has been something familiar before in the past.

I really fucking hate my life right now.

 

[n3ophy7e]

eK, I know you will get through this. I've gone through countless suicidal phases in my life and I've always come through it, just like you will. Sometimes you need to actually make effort to curb/stop the suicidal thoughts though, don't indulge them okay? Cutting won't help you either, you know this. You know what I do? I just tell myself "It's not an option". Don't even let your mind consider it. Just hang in there and take each day as it comes, and I promise you'll start to feel better soon okay?

 

[xxsicknessxx]

Anything sharp. I do it becasue the withdawll hurts so bad it feels good to cut and to focus my pain somewhere else. I wouldn't have to do this but I have a lot of pain in my body from surgery and sometimes i can't ignore it and if cut i can. Its getting worse though from stress anxiety and to much free time.

 

[gloeek]

[Please do not cross-post identical material in different threads. And read our Forum Guidelines before posting anything more considered "triggering." Thanks. -RL]

 

[Unregistered 14543]

Heroin and Cutting ?

Not sure what sub-forum this could go into, so a mod can choose what seems fit.

But recently i've started absolutely loving cutting myself whilst on heroin. I don't do it out of depression or anything, just the feeling it produces when doing it is absolutely intense and amazing.

Was wondering if i'm just abit whacked in the head, or if anyone else ever does this ?

I know it's not the best idea with H numbing pain and stuff, I just can't help myself doing it now due to the feeling. It's like an addiction in it's own right :/ .

 

[Ds]

i serously feel fuckd up, havnt fucking done this shit in a while, but where my life is n goin to jail, and getn stranded 50 miles from home, totaled car gota come up with $, so much stuff all happend at once!
its like m life is overs with

 

[n3ophy7e]

No D's, your life is NOT over with. This is just a big hurdle, but you'll get past it. Please don't resort to self-harm because it will make your recovery so much harder. You'll only end up feeling worse than you do now. Please take care man. Have you got some friends who can help you out?? What about your parents?

 

[Ds]

thanks n30 yeah my parents hate me. I drunk dialed them 2 weeks prior to this. said some mean things. shit just keeps getting worse and worse.