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Self-harm support thread v. 3

For the first time in awile i wanted to really cut bad. I was really angry and just wanted to get that anger out. In the past that usually meant cutting my arm then throwing alcohol on it to really make it sting.

Thankfully the zyprexa zydis works fast and helps stop the urge to self harm.
 
just cut my self, it gave me more emotional pain rather then physical pain.
the hurt and sorrow have left me for now, i just have more scars to cover.
I feel so alone, scared, and hurt. I don't know what to feel anymore.
I have seemed to have lost this battle.
 
hey redleader,
A lot of shit has been going on at once, I've got tons and tons of shit going on in my life at once. I can't seem to shake off this girl that I've been messing around with. We went from being a cute and awesome couple, now it's like we can't even fucking stand each other. Like we still see eachother but hate every fucking minute were together.
I've told her to please let us go our own ways but nothing happens. Her best friend is dating my roomate so she's over here, and if I have a girl over she goes ape shit.
I've been doing bad in class this week. Havn't made a single class. I've been recovering from this flu shit, and I feel like that I will never recover. (maybe I have mono?) Feels that way sometimes since I've never had it before.

I am going on a day sober now, no drink and I'm serously wanting to drink. Ive never felt so fucking shitty, maybe im starting to deal with my emotions sober.
This shit hasn't hurt so bad.

i dont know what to do
 
I've been getting urges to cut again, for the first time in months. I'm trying to distract myself but it doesn't seem to be doing much good... I keep catching myself thinking about it, or gazing at the old scars on my arms and legs. Feeling really low.
 
Sweet P said:
I've been getting urges to cut again, for the first time in months. I'm trying to distract myself but it doesn't seem to be doing much good... I keep catching myself thinking about it, or gazing at the old scars on my arms and legs. Feeling really low.
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You and me both, friend.

Gotta stick it out.. Have to.
 
I've been depressed for as long as I can remember and recently (last few months) have started to get help. Last week I had my first major depressive episode, ended up having to go to the ER. I've started cutting again recently, blah. It's a love/hate relationship.
 
^^ Hi zigzagger, welcome to Bluelight <3

It's great to hear you've started getting help for your depression, I wish you all the best with it. I really hope you find the strength to abstain from cutting, it doesn't solve any problems, it just masks them and delays the inevitability of the underlying issues. Good luck <3
 
I have been showing my arms for the first time in 10 years this summer - i met somebody that made me feel like it wasn't an issue. I have been thinking about cutting again though. I want to do it, am trying really hard not to give in though! I know how much i will hate myself if i do.
 
^^ Please don't entertain the thoughts jamie, you've gone for so long without doing it so you know you have the skills to overcome the cutting urges. Please try to remember why you don't do it anymore, and how bad you will feel afterwards. Be strong <3
 
Yes I know exactly what you mean man. Any time you need to talk about it to someone, feel free to message me okay? :) <3
 
I cut the other night. not badly, but it was the first time in about 2.5 or 3 months, which for me is a long time.
my fiancee and I got into a fight, I couldn't handle what he was saying to me, he was trying convince us both he never loved me and shit (he had been drinking) but the thing that hurts? it started over my bipolar. im disappointed in myself.
 
^^ I'm so sorry to hear that b'swifey. A lot of the times I used to cut in my latest binge (nearly a year ago) were after huge drunken argumenta with my partner. It's so awful waking up hungover, sad and hurting from the fight, AND with fresh cuts on your body :(

It's understandable that you're feeling disappointed in yourself, but it's that type of negativity that keep the self-harm cycle continuing. You need to work on changing the feelings of disappointment and guilt in to feelings of determination to NOT cut again. You can do it hun, please try <3
 
Well I don't consider myself a cutter at all. But I'm getting damn close. I'm scared. I have no idea how addictive it is, as in about how many times most do it to start to get the ball rolling. I know from my experiences in the mental hospital, being committed 4 times, that it can be just as addictive as any drug. But to the point, I did cut myself... again... in front of my sister after she said my mental illness was not severe to prove she was in denial. But it was for more reasons than that.

I had a psychotic break at work and got laid off. Then the girl, there's always a girl, started ignoring my calls and criticizing my heavy drug use, degenerating bipolar, and suicidiality despite the fact she's a coke addict bipolar herself. Now I have marks on my wrist and I'm self-medicating on multiple substances. I've developed during my manic/mixed state (while sober, yes) egos named Adam Bland and Batman, I'm trying not to let them completely become me, as in not be delusional. I'm getting plain fucked up, unemployed, relapsing to a severe drug addiction, and suicidal.
 
thanks. I've handled it well, I accidently on purpose cut myself yesterday afternoon whilst having a bad lsa trip alone and fighting with "friends". I say accidently as I wasn't fully aware of my actions.
I felt bad when I woke up tonight and saw more cuts, but I said to myself (before reading this) I was upset, but would use it as a reminder to NOT cut for as long as possible.
 
its that time of year again, the day people celebrate as the beginning of their lives, to me it feels like every year its the end again. a time to reflect on things, realise just how little i've achieved. i feel really irrational right now. that plus whiskey.

maybe ill just go smoke a pack of ciggies for some internal lung cutting.
 
versd said:
its that time of year again, the day people celebrate as the beginning of their lives, to me it feels like every year its the end again. a time to reflect on things, realise just how little i've achieved. i feel really irrational right now. that plus whiskey.

maybe ill just go smoke a pack of ciggies for some internal lung cutting.
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I know how you feel. I'm sitting here drinking bourban and almost smoking like a chimney =[:
 
Cloudburst said:
Well I don't consider myself a cutter at all. But I'm getting damn close. I'm scared. I have no idea how addictive it is, as in about how many times most do it to start to get the ball rolling. I know from my experiences in the mental hospital, being committed 4 times, that it can be just as addictive as any drug. But to the point, I did cut myself... again... in front of my sister after she said my mental illness was not severe to prove she was in denial. But it was for more reasons than that.
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It's addictive. I haven't ever done it, but based on exposure to it, as well as being familiar with this thread, it's very addictive. It's not exactly like a drug, but almost more like smoking cigarettes - feeding an obsession as a means to escape pain.

I had a psychotic break at work and got laid off. Then the girl, there's always a girl, started ignoring my calls and criticizing my heavy drug use, degenerating bipolar, and suicidiality despite the fact she's a coke addict bipolar herself. Now I have marks on my wrist and I'm self-medicating on multiple substances. I've developed during my manic/mixed state (while sober, yes) egos named Adam Bland and Batman, I'm trying not to let them completely become me, as in not be delusional. I'm getting plain fucked up, unemployed, relapsing to a severe drug addiction, and suicidal.
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I think you need to distance yourself from the girl. I know it's cheesy, but you need to take care of yourself first. If she's messed up too, there's little chance for you to really work if you're both users and going down instead of up. What drugs are you using? Do you think you can slow down? Have you considered professional help? Not going back to a mental hospital per se, but just talking with a professional about your problems?

If you ARE worried about cutting and don't want to get into the habit of doing it, then you shouldn't be using drugs which could trigger the morbid curiosity. You gotta try and slow down with the use, because if you let drugs continue to beat you up, you'll eventually cave in during one of the low moments, thinking that the cutting rush can somehow make up for a lacking drug rush. It won't necessarily do such, and you'll have a new devil in your life. Does that make any sense? Please do try and take care of yourself first. I hope you can feel better.
 
Damn I've fucked up. Last weekend, after a so-called mental health professional told me to "get real" and "stop using that shit" I took a razor blade from my gilette and carved the word "freak" into my forearm. It's been in bandage ever since, cos I don't want anyone to see it. I'm so worried it's gonna leave a permanent scar, reminding me of it for the rest of my life. :(
 
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