Although we haven't spoken in months, almost a year, the desire to stab a verbal knife into your mommy issue having, woman beating, drug dealing self never ceases to consume me on a daily basis. You ruined my life second only to me, who knew better than to get with you in the first place. I regret more than anything making the decision to do so many mind-altering and body-compromising drugs with you, only to have you etched into the crevaces of my mind, your insults ingrained as instinct, your fist marks permanently bruising my psyche. I wish I had never met you, I partially wish you had died on the occasions when I shook you from your drug induced suicides. I wish I had sicked my friends on you when they offered, leaving you bruised and battered as you had done to me. I wish I had left while you were still in jail, and I wish I had actually fucked somebody in that house while you were in jail, if only to make the beatings worth it, and to let somebody in other than you, when you were the one who deserved it least. I wish you hadn't made such a fool of me and compromised my womanhood at such a young age, making me feel like an old woman on the cusp of adulthood. I wish you hadn't posted that picture and that sentence on facebook, now I feel exposed to the world, whether or not any given person has seen the offending media. I wish somebody had told me that you were wrong for me or that I deserve better, before I broke up with your sorry ass. I wish that you could see how much better off I am without you, even though I've still got so far to go. I wish I hadn't let you rip me away from my life, and I wish I hadn't been so willing to let you take me. I wish I had closed you out Long before I did, and I wish lastly for you to find what soothes the violence and hatred that compels you to treat others as you have treated me, and I wish that you get yours in a swift and deliberate blow from karma, if only to prevent you from doing the same things to another young female, wild-eyed and looking for the wrong kind of fix.