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Say something you can't say to their face

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Dear ___,
I love you. You have been on my mind almost daily since your visit in October. It's probably not healthy for me to be holding on like this, but there is no one else in my life that comes close to matching the quality of a human being that you are. I have flirted with many people in your absence. There are a lot of lovely people out there. I made out with one person last May, fell into infatuation over the phone later with someone else in June, and then in August I met a woman who loved me very much. I explored a few weeks of a relationship with her, but I found that, though she was a very interesting and beautiful person, I just didn't love, or, dare I say, like her.

I'm not *totally* hung up on you. I can think of two, maybe three other people I know I would be comfortable in a long term relationship with. But they are far away (as you are) and I don't know them as well as I know you.

It's hard, really hard being physically limited. Who wants to date a limping person? Maybe some people, but I'm not brave enough to limp over to them and really put myself forward, especially when I know my life is in shambles, and I'd be dragging them into it. And, especially when I know that I could heal, let go of what I need to let go, and then go for them. Then I could be a more functional boyfriend.

I haven't been in the arms of someone I loved since you came to my house. So, you remain, in my mind, the person I love. I know it's screwed up, and I know that you don't feel the same way. Your life moves at a faster pace; naturally you've moved on to be with someone else. I really am happy for you. But every time I say that I love you from afar and try to be satisfied with that, I feel my heart physically closing up, like the beginning of a panic attack.

I love you. I can't help it. And I can't help wanting to be near you. I love you and I can't not say it.
 
You're the reason I'm destroying myself. I love you more than me. I love you past reason and sanity. I love you to my detriment. Some days I wish I didn't. Some days I wish I was strong enough to walk away from you. You make me so very weak. I'm in too deep to even try to claw my way out, now. Ruin me, my love. I'm yours.
 
I believe in people I had always been able to see their brightness. But in some days I almost give up and see the life is about good and bad decisions. Having the hope to continue believing that the worst in people can change does not change in me, but it makes it weaker for a while.

I am very glad I have been here for these past couple of years. This place is like home to me, we get inspired, we learn to get healthy, and to cope with difficulties of life and stay put. Very good folks here have shown me the right direction even in difficult times.
 
I fucking love when you two fuck me. :) Oh my gah.........I feel so dirty in the best way possible.
 
I kind of feel sorry for you, because I can see through your facade.
 
Sometimes things are not as they might appear. Who's the judge of that, I wonder.
 
I wonder how blind some people can be when they refuse to see what's in front of their eyes.
 
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Why did you stop talking to me? (I don't want to know) Why did you even start talking to me? (I do want to know)
 
Pharcyde said:
I wish I was taking a better looking girl to meet my friends
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That's funny (sorry to jump in) but you shouldn't really care about it. If she's a nice person your friends will like her.
What it matters is how she makes you feel. ;)
 
I waited for your okay all day long. I did not know I could just have done it.
You know you can count on me. I know these things.
 
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Erikmen said:
That's funny (sorry to jump in) but you shouldn't really care about it. If she's a nice person your friends will like her.
What it matters is how she makes you feel. ;)
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It is pretty stellar, except for certain things. It's cool tho cuz we didn't end up going. ;)
 
I'm leaving soon. It's painful seeing how we are now thinking about how we used to be. Never understood that saying, if you love her let her go. But I do now.
 
^ I understand it but have never agreed/accepted -- I guess loves makes us go through so many things. We not selfish and generous at the same time but internally I'd never let it go. I guess it depends a lot what the context is..
 
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