cjh1221
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 26, 2013
- Messages
- 150
You are the love of my life and my soul mate. You even said the same yourself...AFTER you left me. How can you even think that you leaving me was for my own good? I was happier with you on our worst day together than I had been on my best day before I met you. You were my best friend and my other half. You still are. We are destined to be in each other's lives....denying that is just stupid. You know it, you told me so. Why? I see you in a store or driving in town and you are miserable. You are a shell of the person you used to be, yet you won't even talk to me or try to see how this isn't for the best. I am a shell too....just a body, no feelings, nothing. I try every day to forget you but I can't move on.
It's been 6 months and I have become so depressed I sleep 18 hours a day and am too much of a chicken shit to off myself. I know I need help but I'm too apathetic to bother. I don't even have the energy to make or keep a doctors appointment. I just don't care what my future holds. I have no one to talk to, no one who cares about me. I doubt anyone would even notice if I just disappeared, which it feels like ive already done.
I have 3 contacts in my phone. They are all my dealers. That's it. I have had exactly 17 phone calls and texts in the last 30 days. All from dealers except for one. That was a telemarketer. You were the only person that cared about me, you made me feel alive. You made me feel worthy and loved. Without you I'm just a literal waste of air. And your leaving me was for MY own good?
Just talk to me....please. You know you want to. I don't understand why you deny yourself what you want the most. If you think this is good you're either delusional or lying to yourself.
I need your help. I know I should live for me but I don't deserve to. I lived for you, now I just live because I can't die. I'm even a failure at dying. Fuck this....Im gonna get high. Maybe I'll get lucky and it'll be Fent this time and I won't have to wake up tomorrow.
Thanks for being a bright spot in an otherwise gray and worthless existence. At least there was that.
It's been 6 months and I have become so depressed I sleep 18 hours a day and am too much of a chicken shit to off myself. I know I need help but I'm too apathetic to bother. I don't even have the energy to make or keep a doctors appointment. I just don't care what my future holds. I have no one to talk to, no one who cares about me. I doubt anyone would even notice if I just disappeared, which it feels like ive already done.
I have 3 contacts in my phone. They are all my dealers. That's it. I have had exactly 17 phone calls and texts in the last 30 days. All from dealers except for one. That was a telemarketer. You were the only person that cared about me, you made me feel alive. You made me feel worthy and loved. Without you I'm just a literal waste of air. And your leaving me was for MY own good?
Just talk to me....please. You know you want to. I don't understand why you deny yourself what you want the most. If you think this is good you're either delusional or lying to yourself.
I need your help. I know I should live for me but I don't deserve to. I lived for you, now I just live because I can't die. I'm even a failure at dying. Fuck this....Im gonna get high. Maybe I'll get lucky and it'll be Fent this time and I won't have to wake up tomorrow.
Thanks for being a bright spot in an otherwise gray and worthless existence. At least there was that.