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Say something you can't say to their face

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You are the love of my life and my soul mate. You even said the same yourself...AFTER you left me. How can you even think that you leaving me was for my own good? I was happier with you on our worst day together than I had been on my best day before I met you. You were my best friend and my other half. You still are. We are destined to be in each other's lives....denying that is just stupid. You know it, you told me so. Why? I see you in a store or driving in town and you are miserable. You are a shell of the person you used to be, yet you won't even talk to me or try to see how this isn't for the best. I am a shell too....just a body, no feelings, nothing. I try every day to forget you but I can't move on.
It's been 6 months and I have become so depressed I sleep 18 hours a day and am too much of a chicken shit to off myself. I know I need help but I'm too apathetic to bother. I don't even have the energy to make or keep a doctors appointment. I just don't care what my future holds. I have no one to talk to, no one who cares about me. I doubt anyone would even notice if I just disappeared, which it feels like ive already done.
I have 3 contacts in my phone. They are all my dealers. That's it. I have had exactly 17 phone calls and texts in the last 30 days. All from dealers except for one. That was a telemarketer. You were the only person that cared about me, you made me feel alive. You made me feel worthy and loved. Without you I'm just a literal waste of air. And your leaving me was for MY own good?
Just talk to me....please. You know you want to. I don't understand why you deny yourself what you want the most. If you think this is good you're either delusional or lying to yourself.
I need your help. I know I should live for me but I don't deserve to. I lived for you, now I just live because I can't die. I'm even a failure at dying. Fuck this....Im gonna get high. Maybe I'll get lucky and it'll be Fent this time and I won't have to wake up tomorrow.
Thanks for being a bright spot in an otherwise gray and worthless existence. At least there was that.
 
Sometimes I wish I could simply disappear. Get a one way ticket home and never come back.
Have done that once and it worked. Will I regret yes, is it worth - atm I think so.
Thing is that you can't make the adventures that by miracle worked out when in much younger age.
Besides life is not as simple as I it used to be once. I'm sure I did not think it was simple back then but I know now.
 
I gave u so much attention, sent supplies before u were full on benzo wding & now uv cast me aside.

Ur wife caught on, & has made my fb page unpleasant. Shouldn't she have targeted u??


Rtp
 
Saying this here and not doing open communication because they're just an old fuck buddy and current flatmate I want to cut ties with, and not someone I'm close enough to care about maintaining anything with. There's no open dialogue to be achieved here (there just isn't), it's easier if I nod and smile and assert I want to stop being friends:

I have friends I love, a partner I love, and I'm happy with what I'm doing. I don’t have a void to fill, I don’t care about the long angsty talks half as much as you do/at all

I'm gonna humour your drama but oh my gosh. I don’t have to attend the arguments I'm invited to

I let go as soon as I processed what horrible, disrespectful and hateful thing you said about me, now all you're getting is internal eye-rolls at your transparent as fuck attempts to justify it (you're taking no responsibility at all). You're not entitled for me to absolve you of your guilt, I'm not your therapist, you don’t pay me. Please. Just leave me be
 
You say stress is an emotion, not sickness. Well I'm trying to get out of that so I don't get sick.
You should do the same.
 
I never used to hesitate to call you my BEST friend, we had each other's backs for so long, i know you were/still are going through a tough break up, but its only so tough because you cant drop your guard/ego/act. Its okay to be sad, its okay to hurt, being humble can be healing.

But for all i've forgiven over the years, the last 3 months we shared in company, while I got caught up in sharing my soul with the pipe , for you to treat me the way you did and say all the hateful things you did, fuck our friendship, no real friend would harbour the anger and resentment you showed me,
Your angry and violent behavior is fucking toxic and i honestly feel sad you live in such a mindset. you turn 26 soon, grow the fuck up

one vice to another, I've never mentioned or used as verbal artillery all your failed attempts at quitting smoking weed, you smug cunt, dont act like you didnt pass me my first pip.

i hope to a higher power that we go our separate ways quietly and peacefully



ok rant done sorry that was purely theureputic for myself, after all is said, i hope i can forgive and somehow forget
 
^ Welcome to BL. :)

You are a liar! How can you put all these non-sense in writing - you'll handle this yourself now!
 
I hope that you're doing well and finally have things in your life that make you happy and give you that strength to want to continue. I deeply regret what happened and I am still incredibly sorry.
 
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I'm so sorry about your dad. Deeply sorry. I did care about him, a lot actually.
Reason for which I could talk like that. Wish I'd be with you now.
 
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You've changed me a bit. I smile more, I go out more, but just to see you.

I don't care what my sister and her boyfriend says.


You make me happy.

Happier than ever.
 
Pushing 2 years now and you are the first thing on my mind and the last thing before I sleep. I don't cry anymore but the I still reach for you in the night to find you're not there. I can't pass a orange jeep while driving because it might be you and if one passes me my heart races until I can see in the window. I'm both relieved and sadden when it's not you.

For every dreary sigh I make and every time I force away the tears I hope that my sorrow helps to tip the bar in your favor. That way I can feel like I have purpose afaung. Shielding you from pain and sadness by taking it on myself. You how i was always laughing and joking? Its because you are the most beautiful when you smile.

You haven't done what we agreed to yet. If you need more time just ask but I'm not going to hound you. I hope you know that once the time limit is up it is out of my hands. If it gets to that point it will be like a second death for me. Blame me. Twist it anyway you want to your friends and family. I will shoulder it. But the reality is you didn't do what we agreed to and now you have to pay the price. I beg you not to let it get to that point but it seems as you are determined to do so.

I love you. I long for you. But your not the person I married...no matter how much I try to convince myself you are.
 
Yoiu should have fixed the wifi connections. Js. I waited almost 15 days for this tech visit and you do something I could have done myself. I'm being held "hostage" of this company that has my TV and Wi Fi connection together with 3G. I knew it was too good to be true. It's incredible and frustrating to know how you'd sell you Soul for 1.5 hour in the phone talking to computers and when I finally get to recognize a human voice she disconnect!! F**K!!
 
I will never understand why you always see the downside of everything - even when there are good news or something meaningful. You are poser.
 
Obviously I wasn't good enough for you. The last dude you were with was a jarhead with stupid iron cross and spiderweb elbow tattoos in visible places and terrible opinions, who promised you the world, knocked you up, then bounced on you and your kid.

Fuck all the things we had in common, from sense of humor to philosophical convictions - maybe you'll find another tattooed idiot jarhead to sweep you right off your feet...that's what counts, right?

Good luck with that.
 
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Mum, you're an amazing person but PLEASE just try and chill out a little bit! I know what I'm doing. Also, please try to get a prescription off a doctor for something to help your anxiety issues! x
 
I would take his place so he could be with you. I'm sorry I can't make it better but please know I wish it was me as much as you do
 
Why do I think I need to tell you how important you are. I seems I have to remind you that you are here and now you'll be facing your existence.
Maybe they are in a better place. I'm sure they are okay though. That's how life is, I hope you could see this from outside.
And I hope these recollections are not getting in the way of your own recovery, is it? Are you resetting or moving on...
 
Fuck you exams and commitments. I'm moving to South America and starting a San Pedro Cactus farm.
 
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