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Say something you can't say to their face

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You don't understand that the fact that there is an issue is because you truly don't even realize there's an issue. Don't let me stop you from doing what you want to do, and please don't stop me. If I'm just someone whose purpose is to be someone then this isn't what we've pretended it is and you should go on your merry way.

My heads all fucked and I don't when whether its the heroin or you :/
 
I hate you so much yet I am still fucking in love with you... I hate you but if you came up to me asking to be with me again, there is no way I could refuse... goddam it woman. my heart is broken and destroyed, but yet you still have it...
I cried for a solid hour today driving home from your town, listening to our songs... HW I still love you so fucking much... and yet I haven't been this hurt in years.
 
I fucked up. Several times. I'm nothing but sorry for any pain I may have caused you, for any false impressions I may have given you. I'm sorry for everything. If I had the choice, I'd start over and fix my mistakes but I can't and will never be able to, certainly not in this life time. You want nothing to do with me and I understand why, it's clear as day to me why you wouldn't want to have me in your life.

I want to mend my mistakes and start repairing this bridge I've destroyed. I loved you and to be honest I still do...but you hurt me so much. It's not your fault, I can't blame you for seeing other people but I feel like this is not how our lives are suppose to be. Perhaps it is my own selfish desires but I feel we should be together, we are great for each other, that is when I'm not losing my shit over stupid drama I rack up with my own paranoia and personal issues.

I want to start over. I hope you'll give me a chance to make this all up to you. I'm scared though. I've said this to you two, perhaps three times now...why should you give me another chance? Quite frankly, you shouldn't. I just can't stand to see us like this. You never talk to me anymore, you never call. I'm all alone now, working just to making a living for myself, no friends, no life and every so often I see pictures of you and him on facebook, pictures of you two smiling and clearly having a good time. I want to kill him, I want to show him the pain I feel every day but it's not his fault he is pursuing his own desires. I can't blame him, you are a beautiful specimen and a beautiful soul, one that deserves to be happy. If he makes you happy than so be it. I just wish it could have been me giving those smiles and kisses.
 
How did you know that nothing ensures my affection better than ambivalence?
Sorry, dear, but what goes around is coming around.
 
I will show you I'm better than him. I felt what we had was real, you fell for me and I caught you, you did the same for me. it was.... perfect. I will make you mine again, and show you everything you missed out on. I will make you the happiest girl in the world again. I will help you when you're down, ill take away your tears, ill carry you when you're weak, ill hold you when you're hurt, and most of all I'll love you because we know its meant to be. HW I love you angel.
 
Why do you keep feeding my bad habbits,getting drugs whenever I wan't them? You could never say no to me. Please say no before it's too late.:(. I will always love you even if you said no to me, plz say no next time.
 
In 3 days it would have been our 4 year anniversary, it's going to be weird not spending the 11th of Feb with you...I wonder if you're gonna be thinking about me? I hope so. I can't believe how long it's been already since we broke up, and I still feel almost the exact same way, and I fucking hate that. I really hope you still think about me as well, despite the new uh...well you know how I feel about her. Honestly, I'm just hoping one day one of you will screw the other one over as much as you both did me. Perfect deceitful assholish couple I suppose.
And yet despite all that I still wish you were here with me and I could tell you about my new life on the other side of the Channel, and how much I miss Paris, and how I did really well on my exams and I've got an appointment with a publisher to discuss my novel. I might get published and I'll never be able to tell you, and that fucking sucks.

I want to say that I wish you happiness but the thing is I don't. They say that if I really loved you I would, but that's the thing, I don't love you anymore. I still care so, so much, painfully so, but not enough to forgive everything you did to me. I blame you for a lot and I just wish I could say it all to your face and show you how much you've hurt me and how horrible you were to me. You deserve to know it rather than continuing on with your life in some sort of blissful obliviousness, entirely unaware of what a fucked up person you are. But still, I want you back. I don't know why. Maybe it's cuz I just like hurting myself and I feel like I do'nt deserve better than you. I think if I could tell you just how much I resent you now it would be incredibly therapeutic. A part of me hopes we run into each other some day soon so I can do that.

I just hope you still think about me.
 
Pagey, loved that heart felt passage. You come across as an intelligent, caring person, so don't dwell on things you have no control over. You've got loads to give to the right person. <3 Thanks again for your time and wisdom on the other thread.
 
Thanks HMHB, I really appreciate that. I'm trying not to think about it too much but it's hard when stupid anniversary reminders and stuff are coming up, I can't stop thinking about our first date 4 years ago and how incredibly happy I was and I could barely believe what was happening and stuff...ouch.
And I'm happy I could help on your thread :)
<3
 
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