I fucked up. Several times. I'm nothing but sorry for any pain I may have caused you, for any false impressions I may have given you. I'm sorry for everything. If I had the choice, I'd start over and fix my mistakes but I can't and will never be able to, certainly not in this life time. You want nothing to do with me and I understand why, it's clear as day to me why you wouldn't want to have me in your life.
I want to mend my mistakes and start repairing this bridge I've destroyed. I loved you and to be honest I still do...but you hurt me so much. It's not your fault, I can't blame you for seeing other people but I feel like this is not how our lives are suppose to be. Perhaps it is my own selfish desires but I feel we should be together, we are great for each other, that is when I'm not losing my shit over stupid drama I rack up with my own paranoia and personal issues.
I want to start over. I hope you'll give me a chance to make this all up to you. I'm scared though. I've said this to you two, perhaps three times now...why should you give me another chance? Quite frankly, you shouldn't. I just can't stand to see us like this. You never talk to me anymore, you never call. I'm all alone now, working just to making a living for myself, no friends, no life and every so often I see pictures of you and him on facebook, pictures of you two smiling and clearly having a good time. I want to kill him, I want to show him the pain I feel every day but it's not his fault he is pursuing his own desires. I can't blame him, you are a beautiful specimen and a beautiful soul, one that deserves to be happy. If he makes you happy than so be it. I just wish it could have been me giving those smiles and kisses.