Hi man. I will offer my simple good old fashioned bit of advice I dish out so freely.
Just hang in there. Stuff just comes along, hits us, gets churned up. It can hurt for a few days, weeks at times.
I know very very well the pit of acute despair and mania and deep depression that can follow an intense trip.
I’ve been there so many times this year. I empathise with you on each angle. Like, you can’t handle the time dilated anxiety mania, so benzos seem so alluring.
But that ISN’T the solution, just sweeping the dust under the carpet.
525 ug is no child’s play. My 500 ug trip yesterday was a total total mind blower. I’m not sure I’ve ever been more tripped out.
Literally after 11 hours dropping, I suddenly remembered that I was on a trip. I was so tripped up I’d lost sight of it, was just in a crazy maze of a universe.
I can only recall one time in my life when acid took me that far up, it’s hard to describe, but suddenly I caught sight of it. I was like woaah! I’m just tripping. This trip WILL come down!
I’d forgottten normality almost completely. Hallucination, visual extreme. Astounding sharpness, clarity and mesmerisation. My head was propa propa gone mate I swear. Even after that reminder, like things WILL go back to….That?…again…phew…..I battled for another 7 or 8 hours to keep reminding myself- why it was actually alright.
And time alone would resolve my madness in that crazy thought loop land.
I did use a tonne of weed. Lots edibles, lots vapor. Each vapor session and I’d be right sky high again trying not to have another panic attack lol.
I cannot even describe yesterday’s trip. I’ve never tripped better, deeper, fuller, ore completely, off even much larger doses.
What you say above
@Atelier3 I can so relate to, the emotional side of it.
I woke this morning, first time in years, not suffocating for breath, as a direct result of a revolutionary energy healing technique I started yesterday. Powerful energy healing to remove what is classed as “dead” energy.
I never expected to awake and be able to breathe literally 70% better than I can remember upon waking.
I only crashed out for some hours. Had the most unbearable acid indigestion pain for the first 10 hours of my trip.
A very strong edible cannabis tea helped get it settling, but fuck man it sent my head through the roof.
Very recently I’ve felt exactly what you describe emotionally. It’s so hard to sit still in that rocking chair of grief and anguish.
But, in my experience, and hopefully in your own, it will pass.
Now, healing is painful. I have almost stopped believing in coincidences. Maybe you have simply stirred up some deep buried emotions. Which will be unsettling now, but the fact that reaction even occurred, to me is proof there was something beneath the surface to excavate.
Anyway hold hope man. You’ll likely be amazed looking back in a week or two and feeling refreshed and renewed again.
Maybe a 2 week break for integration at least, maybe don’t avoid the benzos but don’t feel bad about trying to draw a line between dulling and dependence, and cold hard consciousness lol, one of the most bitter pills to swallow at times right?
In the meantime, we should have a get together- like people meditate or pray across the world at specific times.
Well I’m forever trying my damned hardest to counsel myself, reassure myself, in panic attacks either lost heavy trips (especially) and always in relation to pain and respiratory issues.
So we can link up our self counselling times lol. Like, I’ll be brushing my teeth, saying.,,.stay calm, relax, just get this done, then that, then that, don’t think too far ahead….
And I can picture you across over there doing your own self counselling.
Just want to assure you man anyhow. Keep faith, hang tough. Last thing to do is to actually think about it, the emotional tangles and webs you’ve brought up. They didn’t just come from nowhere, they were deep inside of you. And will now resolve with time. You have cracked the seal.
Just be good to yourself. Take one day at a time. Trust your feelings and outlook will brighten again.
I speak from experience because I’ve truly visited the depths of depression properly headwrecked and usually due to pain and respiration. I thought at times it would be irreversible.
I just read your following post, and it seems you are on that ball already. I walls call it progress. Highlighting things that need to, or you want to change. Often, an apparent loss or accident is a chance for change, or change itself and ultimately for the best. I feel that’s the best way for you to look at this for now and just let time do it’s thing.
You have some will, inventive it sounds, to stop feeling so drawn to meth. And you say you feel a different person, implying an emotional shift. That again I argue can be progress, even if we feel glum and serious.
I’m a deadly serious guy myself. And a real joker too. Often in the same post and sentence. Hope your days get brighter as they go mate.
