Didn't even know you left! I've been gone for a whiiiiile. Glad to hear you're top raking okcupid material you internet wizard hunk! I should probably take off the chanell number 5 commercial photo shoot pix on mine I graduated and I'm working on getting a startup going between dealing with lifes insanity. Just was thinking of life and people I know and watching new generations of psychedelic users arise, old ones grow, or jade out. Was about to post to fb, but decided pd social might be a better place for that haha!
I've been up and down, lifes a rollercoaster man! So much has happened since I was posting to bl on the reg. How've you been man?
Tell me about it. Life is a crazy journey. I've been all kinds of ways in the past couple of years (I left BL around mid 2011 and just came back a few weeks ago). I left because my wife found out about all the drug usage I was hiding from her (you may recall I was doing that). She told me I had to leave BL and I detoxed from opiates and stopped doing psychedelics. Then I got back on opiates after a year and the last couple of years have been a constantly back and forth, I haven't managed to get off opiates, it got really bad for a while. Eventually my wife left me, but we were still living together. As the distance grew between us I came to realize in my heart that the relationship was no longer right for us, she has some issues and as a result she had been quite emotionally abusive to me througout our relationship when she got angry, which was often. And she had me convinced, over years of a gradual wearing-down process, that a bunch of different parts of myself that I always liked and valued were wrong with me, and that I should want to change them. It got to where I was no longer in touch with my own feelings a lot of the time, and I didn't know what I wanted. This growing sense of immense frustration and anger was growing inside me. Last July I punched the refrigerator and broke my hand. It got so bad for me emotionally that I was depressed to the point of fantasizing about offing myself (but never got to the point where I felt like I would actually do it).
Finally, my wife told a good friend that she had feelings for him. She's been slowly building up these symptoms that resemble, to me, some form of schizophrenia but that I am hoping (for her sake) are just related to the fact that she has never dealt with her emotional problems and got to state where she had a bit of a psychotic break but will recover. After some back and forth she agreed to go live with her mom and get medical attention. That was about 2 months ago and I've been living alone since, and we have agreed to get a divorce and are actually communicating better than we have in a long time or possibly ever.
It's been a really super bumpy road because we've been together for 12 years, but I am finally starting to feel comfortable with being single at 30 and my life feels so much calmer. I am now turning my attention to the opiate problem that's been present in my life for such a long time (10 years now). Going to take ibogaine soon after I partially withdraw and give myself a good healthy therapy session.
I started painting (abstract acrylics paintings) in the last couple of years too and I have been selling it, I'm going to be getting into a gallery really soon and it's going well, it's really exciting. Many pages back now I posted some pictures of some of my pieces (in this thread)... it would probably be hard to find them but I could post more maybe if you are interested.
its not just this, but
whether you realize it or not, xorkoth, you seem to have had a pretty awesome and lucky life. i'm jealous of you. you're a very likeable person, with a job that you enjoy, lots of great connections, had a wife you loved a lot for 12 years (tis better to have loved and lost and all that).
so yeah, i just hope you realize man -- you're a lucky person.
Yes I do realize this. I have forgotten at times, but unless I'm super depressed I remember this and am thankful for it.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
It went to my head just a little bit
