☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: If 2020 Was the Dumpster, Can 2021 Be the Fire?

[Img_9999]

I wanna ask y'all something, would y'all make ayahuasca legally available for the average joe to be cured by its mental splinter? Saying because i've witness with my own eyes how ayahuasca cured someone who was since the age of 4 predispose to schizo and by age of 7 it was full packet thread and his family which wasn't in a elegant financial corner with what they had didn't help him and he said, his whole memory wipped out but not his ''friend'', he came with a man about around his age

Legal, sure. Promoted and recommended for everyone, doubt it. I've heard many first hand success stories of ayahuasca dealing with menta lillness, addiction, etc,... But also come across terrible reactions leading to PTSD or worse. Also, the drink itself is so harsh on the body and mind that it is pretty hard to go into the trip without a proper guide/trip sitter, but many of the places offering guidance are ran by sketchy self-proclaimed shamans dealing with people in a vulnerable state, so .... massification of such practices would surely be a brewing pot for predatory behavior ... I don't know. I don't trust that pseudo-ritualistic western approach to it, but also don´t feel comfortable entering the traditional amazonian ceremonies as an outsider. I would rather take it alone in a controled setting, but I guess I wouldn't recommend that to a non-experienced tripper aka average joe.

 

[Atomic_Decay]

I’m lying awake in a windowless and pitch black room wondering whether today is the day to turn this ship around: another day and I expect I’ll reach the edge of the world and sail straight off.

 

[Pfafffed]

Things are good with me. My friends is well, and my job has been low stress lately. My partner is out of town for the next few days, so I'm planning to putter around with some house projects listening to an audiobook, maybe cook some nice meals. Delta 8 or even a disso tomorrow night may also come into the picture if I'm feeling it.

 

[Xorkoth]

Man, I realized... I suffer from a strange disorder akin to OCD. I hyper-focus on things that bother me unless/until I can fix them. Like, I scratched the back of my Glock yesterday when I was trying to put the slide back on the receiver, and it doesn't effect the way it shoots; hell, it's barely noticeable unless in bright light... but it bothers me to no end. Like I'm real fuckin' pissed off that I scratched my Glock ever so slightly, even though it's my go-to bedside/carry gun, something that sees daily service and use, getting lint down the barrel, dust in the slide, etc.

My girlfriend does the same. She fixates on smells she doesn't like and becomes really emotionally affected by it, and can't stop thinking about it. She also fixates on the appearance of things around her (like she thinks the trim in the house is somewhat too wide and can't stop talking about it and trying to get me to redo the trim in the whole house, and paint it white and basically make everything white because the contrast apparently is too intense for her right now). It's all related to her PTSD, instead of dealing with the root cause of the pain, she attaches it to environmental factors and thinks that if those get fixed, she'll be able to be happy, but it's never enough. And never will be, because it's not really her problem.

Sorry, I just hijacked your thought, it sounds like it's not really the same thing and I am not trying to say that it that's the same issue you're having.

I'm at my wit's end. Every time I am having a good day, she complains about something like that and it makes me feel so frustrated because of the accumulation of this over the years and the fact that it gets worse and worse, and then I just want to escape. Fuck.

I have no idea how to be there for her emotionally most of the time, anymore, because I just feel frustration and annoyance. I was having a great day today until she got home and complained to me for like 2 hours about how she has to smell the bathroom deodorizer scent at work and she complained about it at work and her boss got snarky with her and said everyone has to deal with stuff sometimes. And it's true, everyone does, and I feel like I'm lying when I try to agree with her because I have the exact same problem with her every day.

It would help so much if I felt like there was any progress at all, and an end in sight, but it just gets worse.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

Man I’m sure it’s stressful for my wife. I feel bad for her. For me I think what I’m experiencing is genetic, on my mom’s side. Her and her mom and both her sisters are like this. They let it really get the better of them and it’s hard to watch… so yeah I feel bad for my wife.

I’m getting better at coping with it. It’s just difficult. My wife won’t do the dishes at all anymore because anything she does I’ll come back and reorganize, I’m odd like that… like it doesn’t upset me that she doesn’t put it in the “right” order, but I feel compelled to “fix” it.

I don’t know how to explain why I need to fix things visually. It gets worse if I use caffeine or tobacco products. I’m best at coping with it if I can use a downer but that’s a poor solution.

 

[Xorkoth]

Haha, ironically, I am like that with the dishes, too. I am really anal about the way the dishes are stacked and the way the dishwasher is loaded. And my girlfriend isn't, she just puts them away any which way.

I did a little disso dose and it calmed my brain down and we talked about it a little. Life is funny. My brain is a bit out of control lately.

 

[cosmic charlie]

My biggest issue in life right now is how fat I've gotten tho since I'm tall as shit it's spread out well but I'm a 44inch waist in pants now and weight around 290lbs probably. Haven't been on a scale in awhile and last time I was 285lbs but I have deff gained weight since then.

People are always like Wow omg Charlie you really got bigger then if they see older picture of me from couple years ago they are like some your so skinny what has happened to you. People are pretty insensitive in general I'm starting to find I never ever make negative or hurtful comments about how a person looks. I'm sure the fact that before I was doing stims like all the time and not eating much was how I got my weight so low.

Now I eat my meals and I'm not abusing drugs, also getting older and belive my metabolism has begun to slow down. Thankfully the woman I'm falling in love with accepts me how I am and makes me feel good about myself. I'm gonna have to come off this Zyprexa eventually cuz it's deff involved I just need to find alternative sleep medicine cuz I don't wanna go back to only having couple hours a nite. But all in all I'm well guys and fuck what the haters say.

 

[JackARoe]

People are pretty insensitive in general I'm starting to find I never ever make negative or hurtful comments about how a person looks.

Yes they are. It amazes me. But if everyone followed the Golden Rule we would be much better. I mean think people, if you don't want people commenting on a physical aspect of you then don't go doing that to someone else.

Been so busy so have just been skimming the forum but glad you posted Charlie. Your vibe in the posts are way more focused. I think a lot of us could tell you were sort of unraveling before this last bid. But I can now also tell a much calmer centered Charlie. Glad I saw that post. Keep it up. Slowly, one foot in front of the other and the path will just fall into place. That is all you have to do. You have that type mojo so keep that faith.

That and stay away from street dope, benzos and dissociatives. And that you can do easy with your iron clad will.( I was wondering if you had to kick benzos too or those were just binges) Lastly when you give the key to your heart to someone, make sure they respect, trust, care, and are willing to tend to relationship as you do the same. This new girl even sounds better than the last few just from the vibe in your post.

I hope everyone is well.

 

[AutoTripper]

Guys, seriously on my life. I DO have Covid, AGAIN lol as was strongly suspected.

Was confirmed today, very very precisely and explaining entirely my sudden dramatic total Nervous system crash suddenly last two weeks when on course to do very well soon.

Brutal is this thing, for ME. Literally by far the most destructive and impossible thing to actually manage and recover from I've ever known.

But I actually have two different variants the newer Brazilian one which is more systemic and the original one which I've had since September 2020 in my nervous system which has risen with a stronghold in that region but nowhere else in conjunction with this new Brazilian variant which is still quite aggressive.


It has completely knocked out every level of my nervous system it's a very serious condition which only occurs in exceptionally rare cases of heavy immuno compromisation and severe nerve damage and dysregulation.

4th seperate Covid infection, 5 seperate times it's freshly entered NS.

By trend so far each time it enters the nervous system it inflicts more damage than the previous time by a margin and this is cumulative although I have managed to heal much of this through time with use of genuine homeopathy stuff.


I've never been hit for six and six and six so heavily as I have in the last two weeks by these two new Covid infections after a prolonged periods of inhuman endurance in order to overcome the haemorrhoids which were the result of the previous and still present Covid infection from November.


So that's my story but there is a prognosis way out of this and nothing potentially terminal or irreversible and plenty of good actually underneath from hard work and being quite clever with some alternative approaches.

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

Good luck AT beter times ahead

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

My biggest issue in life right now is how fat I've gotten tho since I'm tall as shit it's spread out well but I'm a 44inch waist in pants now and weight around 290lbs probably. Haven't been on a scale in awhile and last time I was 285lbs but I have deff gained weight since then.

People are always like Wow omg Charlie you really got bigger then if they see older picture of me from couple years ago they are like some your so skinny what has happened to you. People are pretty insensitive in general I'm starting to find I never ever make negative or hurtful comments about how a person looks. I'm sure the fact that before I was doing stims like all the time and not eating much was how I got my weight so low.

Now I eat my meals and I'm not abusing drugs, also getting older and belive my metabolism has begun to slow down. Thankfully the woman I'm falling in love with accepts me how I am and makes me feel good about myself. I'm gonna have to come off this Zyprexa eventually cuz it's deff involved I just need to find alternative sleep medicine cuz I don't wanna go back to only having couple hours a nite. But all in all I'm well guys and fuck what the haters say.

Zyprexa is notorious for weight gain... Let me know how much clearer life is off APs, I think I forgot. Though I can't really complain.

Also good luck with work and women! I also need both

 

[AutoTripper]

Good luck AT beter times ahead

Thanks mate. You know me I plough on through impossible and I always feel I gain and develop and learn from it too.

It's an experience of indescribable intensity but there is plenty of potential to fully recover having secured such a stable inner frame and stability.

And I live totally in the situation rather than the moment I don't regret I have learnt to accept and I actually trust a great deal as well and will face any challenge also I've realised how genuinely secure I am which is a wonderful thing as well.


Thanks a lot mate I know you have a true heart and always care.

Like I do for you as well bro and all the people I like in this world hope you're okay and still happy with your regime and managing mental factors comfortably.

I look forward to hearing tales later in the year of you being Super bulky haha.

So that instead of you needing to run away from those crazy crackheads at night on occasion it will be the other way round

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

Like I do for you as well bro and all the people I like in this world hope you're okay and still happy with your regime and managing mental factors comfortably.

I look forward to hearing tales later in the year of you being Super bulky haha.

Yeah it's going well, Seroquel IR is a massive difference compared to XR, a great increase in quality of life. I'm not as stable as before but it's very manageable. My swings were never that extreme compared to others, just extreme rapid cycling.
Still working out, not too bulky anymore I was at 83-84 for a while, then went back to 80kg at which I've been for 2 months now so I wanna go up again, maybe 83-84kg and lose some fat afterwards. I did quit taking creatine so I probably did gain a little mass in the last two months.
I don't care too much about how I strong I look though, I was a twig 6 months ago, I look okay now. It's my numbers that I care about

 

[simstim]

@AutoTripper I hope you feel better soon. You've always got so much stacked against you, but I'm glad you hang in there.

I guarantee you nobody here wants to see you in the shrine so grit your teeth and keep on keeping on, ok!

I just got an order today so I'm having a little roll on some 3-MMC today. Listening to music. I always miss this feeling when it's gone.

 

[cosmic charlie]

Took like 2,400mgs of Gabapentin stacked over the last few hours and ate a dinner of Stuffed Shells and Meatballs with some Garlic Bread. I haven't tried to take a recreational dose of Gabapentin in awhile so I should feel pretty good tonight. About to make a strong cup of Coffee, this is the sad state of affairs in halfway house drug use. I was sniffing Wellbutrin for a jailhouse cocaine like type feeling a few days ago. What a turn of events from all the novel RC's I generally do. I will get back to tripping on fun drugs again eventually, just need to be patient. I'm starting to feel the Gab's and mixed with my Methadone it's actually enjoyable feeling.

 

[AutoTripper]

@AutoTripper I hope you feel better soon. You've always got so much stacked against you, but I'm glad you hang in there.

I guarantee you nobody here wants to see you in the shrine so grit your teeth and keep on keeping on, ok!

I just got an order today so I'm having a little roll on some 3-MMC today. Listening to music. I always miss this feeling when it's gone.

Thanks mate. I live a truly mystical life sounds fantastical but I dispute this it's a more fluid reality.

The universe did some stunning, never likely possible any time last 17 years, to somehow Buy rare one off cancellation at the spot on time enable me to get a desperately needed appointment this morning with such an incredibly mind blowing thorough diagnosis the likes of which most know it all is on Covid here I won't even bother wasting my breath sharing with lol...


And I will have a supremely effective course of medicine next week so with fortune there's every chance to start improving quite quickly and I'm still looking forward only as far as forward ever goes with optimism and excitement genuinely.


Enjoy your 3-M.

Had nice instant kave tonight, top noble earlier but it workked. I've been feeling really blissfully relaxed and content for hours now without fading off I did use loads of nice weed as well so I've definitely had a good evening which is always a positive indication.

 

[simstim]

Enjoy your 3-M.

I will at that bro. It's more expensive than MDMA so it's a rare treat from overseas when I do get it.

I've been listening to this awesome Black Sun Empire mix. @izo

 

[cosmic charlie]

There was a bad fist fight here last night this one dude was covered in fucking blood, like he got fucked up pretty badly. The cops even came here at midnight to arrest people it was crazy. Then I'm laying in bed still slightly disturbed thinking about how I need to get outta this place. I've legit seen as many fights in this halfway as I did in jail, it's because of the sorta wild bunch we got. Once someone feels like they are being disrespected it can escalate quickly. On another note things with my new girlfriend are amazing and I'll hopefully be seeing her this weekend or the following, get my dick wet. She is real nice girl, school teacher in fact.

 

[Xorkoth]

Took like 2,400mgs of Gabapentin stacked over the last few hours and ate a dinner of Stuffed Shells and Meatballs with some Garlic Bread. I haven't tried to take a recreational dose of Gabapentin in awhile so I should feel pretty good tonight. About to make a strong cup of Coffee, this is the sad state of affairs in halfway house drug use. I was sniffing Wellbutrin for a jailhouse cocaine like type feeling a few days ago. What a turn of events from all the novel RC's I generally do. I will get back to tripping on fun drugs again eventually, just need to be patient. I'm starting to feel the Gab's and mixed with my Methadone it's actually enjoyable feeling.

I love gabapentin actually. I have been taking it too often (every other day) because kratom still leaves me feeling kinda blah and crappy and I have been trying to reduce. I still feel nice from it but I need to avoid dependence. About to get some more suboxone and I am going to try to actually do a proper taper down to almost nothing and come off this fucking mess, instead of get high on it. Today I would normally have taken gabapentin, I am going to try not to though and make sure I am not dependent on it.

 

[cosmic charlie]

Got the job I'm gonna start tomorrow and it's full time, also higher pay then I was getting at my last job. Really happy right now, needed this break. I'm gonna be able to save up some money now and move out to my own place.