• Psychedelic Drugs Welcome Guest
    View threads about
    Posting RulesBluelight Rules
    PD's Best Threads Index
    Social ThreadSupport Bluelight
    Psychedelic Beginner's FAQ
  • PD Moderators: Esperighanto | JackARoe | Cheshire_Kat

☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: If 2020 Was the Dumpster, Can 2021 Be the Fire?

Status
Not open for further replies.
Img_9999 said:
What's up, PD fam?

:)
Click to expand...
Hi! 🙂 Well, boring a here really, well stoned and fully softened by kava.

2 superb acid trips last week, after 6.5 week reset.

Loaaadsa boring, ev day stressful living otherwise.

Hope you are well man. Just thought I’d respond lol. I’ve little to offer here really, except a little light, humour and always pure honesty.
 
Img_9999 said:
What's up, PD fam?

:)
Click to expand...
Good good, depression cloud has lifted since yesterday night/today which is great timing since I'm going to a festival tomorrow, weather should be nice although possibly a little too cloudy for my taste. Still, that'll be the extent of my complaining in that respect.
The line-up could go either way, I'm praying there are a couple of unexpected surprising acts otherwise there might be some dead-ish time, which I'm not used to because of being spoiled by great festivals all these years. There's no way I'll regret going though so take my comments with a grain of salt.

=D
 
Perforated said:
My future days perhaps. Adventures yet to be written.
Click to expand...
You gave me images. On my interstellar/inter dimensional trips I often snap myself back around, like from semi sleep, in awe at the magnificent insight or vision
I have been seeing so far out, sometimes with such a pin utterly hilarious aspect to it.

The really frustrating thing p, I am able to be very consciously sure, that these concepts, little thought trails and perspectives, DO have meaningful application here, just, stretched, unordinary.

But by times I’ve snapped around to look for a pen and paper lol, it’s escaping my then tripping mind and swirling 3 d world around me, an amazing one though.

I’m talking of 5, 6, 1100 ug trips. But although it was frustrating, not because it wasn’t in any sort of language/sense or concept applicable here, but because it really WAS lol, and so hilarious and insightful, (like waking from a dream and…nope, shit, it’s all gone. What WAS I dreaming?)

So just be careful you don’t get so tripped out, although I think now it may be a time lock thing(?), in the moment of illumination, no other paper around, you don’t mistake them for the only writing surface.

However, I simply let fully go every time. I trusted what was lost was just a glimpse, an inspiration. My last trip, Sunday, visited an old friend we sat in his secluded tree hanging back garden, we had a hilarious laugh I was in hysterics at points, the best medicine.

Real raw funny original imaginative jokes and banter.

I suddenly realised, we had both completely forgotten it was Sunday, what time it was etc!

It was about 5 pm, 3 hrs after I dropped, but we were so freely in the moment of laughs and peaceful chat, he wasn’t tripping but beers and a big spliff of Bluedream I gave him.
 
Buzz Lightbeer said:
Good good, depression cloud has lifted since yesterday night/today which is great timing since I'm going to a festival tomorrow, weather should be nice although possibly a little too cloudy for my taste. Still, that'll be the extent of my complaining in that respect.
The line-up could go either way, I'm praying there are a couple of unexpected surprising acts otherwise there might be some dead-ish time, which I'm not used to because of being spoiled by great festivals all these years. There's no way I'll regret going though so take my comments with a grain of salt.

=D
Click to expand...
I'm trying to understand depression better can I ask you a question? When the "depression cloud" lifts for you, is it tied directly to external improvements in conditions in your life, or is it purely internal?

My mom has suffered from depression her whole life, undiagnosed I believe, and unacknowledged, and really difficult to talk to her about. I don't really know how to help her.
 
perpetualdawn said:
I'm trying to understand depression better can I ask you a question? When the "depression cloud" lifts for you, is it tied directly to external improvements in conditions in your life, or is it purely internal?
Click to expand...
Almost purely internal, often right after a hypomanic phase. I think this was the case this time as well, but my meds do dim my mood so I didn't notice at the time. Now I am hypomanic again and will probably crash somewhere next week, maybe the week after.
It's like a very dark cloud on your way of thinking at all times, very negative, sometimes physically heavy, sometimes very anxious, sometimes just pure emptiness. Sometimes it goes away somewhat for an hour or so, and I can usher a smile in, otherwise I can be crying for half an hour straight while nothing really changed since a week earlier. It's not as incapacitating as I read it's for some (weeks in bed etc...), but it is still really bad.
I keep myself up by telling myself that it'll pass, and it does, for people with clinical depression this is not the case, sadly.
 
Just on this, I grew up through school, accepting that I had absolutely no control over my vastly different experience of life and reality daily, environment neither.

I’m a Pisces, but just by nature, constantly constantly revolving as if on multiple unseen orbits.

I firmly believe in it being the inherent nature of some of us to have a kind of predetermined, pattern and cycle of all levels of emotional states, just from my own lifelong experience.
 
AutoTripper said:
I firmly believe in it being the inherent nature of some of us to have a kind of predetermined, pattern and cycle of all levels of emotional states, just from my own lifelong experience.
Click to expand...
I think research says this too. We have a set range and default emotional baseline that we gravitate towards, no matter the external condition - to some extent at least.

OTOH I think there's also research showing that to some extent people's happiness really is affected by being able to satisfy our basic needs, and then a bit more when we are able to satisfy aspirations. Wealth increases reported well-being, but tops out at a much lower point than most people imagine.

So no surprise, it's a mixed bag, so we can try to pin down where the margins lie, and even that must vary from person to person. Sorry that's all hand wavy and possibly inaccurate, maybe someone has something to add/clarify.
 
perpetualdawn said:
I'm trying to understand depression better can I ask you a question? When the "depression cloud" lifts for you, is it tied directly to external improvements in conditions in your life, or is it purely internal?
Click to expand...
I'll also chime in if I may... I don't get very depressed often anymore but when I do it can last for days at a time. most other days the depression is very background and manageable allthough I can be pretty lethargic at times. but yeah like buzz said, when the worst is over it is kinda like a curtain is pulled away from my mind. I just feel better, more alive and hopeful. doesn't really have anything to do with my life circumstances changing. like I've been in my bed feeling horrible and dead inside and the next day it just goes away.
 
Yes it is like a curtain indeed, suddenly light is allowed to shine in. Mania is the opposite, with too much light shining in. The metaphor works in multiple respects =D , no sleep, poor judgement cause you're blinded etc etc
The main problem is that you cannot for the life of you find enjoyment in anything you would normally enjoy, so you have to push yourself to do what's necessary and afterwards you just want to skip ahead cause the only thing to do is wail in the misery and negativity. I don't think I could handle that for years on end.
 
I've had mania episodes before (well, not sure if they would be considered so clinically) but luckily they weren't accompanied significantly by the opposite swing into depression, more just like a dip back to baseline with some need for serious rest.
 
perpetualdawn said:
I think research says this too. We have a set range and default emotional baseline that we gravitate towards, no matter the external condition - to some extent at least.

OTOH I think there's also research showing that to some extent people's happiness really is affected by being able to satisfy our basic needs, and then a bit more when we are able to satisfy aspirations. Wealth increases reported well-being, but tops out at a much lower point than most people imagine.

So no surprise, it's a mixed bag, so we can try to pin down where the margins lie, and even that must vary from person to person. Sorry that's all hand wavy and possibly inaccurate, maybe someone has something to add/clarify.
Click to expand...
Definitely agree. In youth, it would unsettle me, because you know how it was, through school and beyond, full on socialising all day, forever after school nights out, Mariokart, Cannabis bongs lol, Chicane CD’s and Pizza at 17/18.

Nightclubbing on weekends though, and general social happenings of all sorts, times I would be “on form”, it cringes me to use, but apt, other times a useless urchin lol.

Day to day, zero prediction or control.

My mood, outlook on life swings heavily to this day. Hence…me talking serious world threat grand conspiracy, then cracking around on a beautiful trip or not even.

Except, I totally let go of it yonks ago. I surrendered to the waves. I’m my best, at every moment. No pressure. Being simply 100% natural, hiding nothing, expecting nothing, ha been a brilliant way for me to go personally.

So, even though I’m still be nature, up, down, left, square, North-Weat-south-East lol, like my tinnitus again, I don’t notice it really.

One thing…at least I don’t have a period to deal with as well!

Lol, just joke. I lived with 5 lovely female housemates in 99-2003, observed the true, phenomenon of period timing synchronisation inside the same dwelling, I made loads of cracks about it back then lol.

I have always been a right cheeky fucker, also a Chinese Monley, But I have never once been beaten up for it no banned from any forum except Reddit one timeFor quite unbelievable reason related actually to Covid a very innocent remark suggesting that may be the death figures are not entirely accurate that was all and I’m banned from ever posting in that Sub Reddit again.
 
Buzz Lightbeer said:
Yes it is like a curtain indeed, suddenly light is allowed to shine in. Mania is the opposite, with too much light shining in. The metaphor works in multiple respects =D , no sleep, poor judgement cause you're blinded etc etc
The main problem is that you cannot for the life of you find enjoyment in anything you would normally enjoy, so you have to push yourself to do what's necessary and afterwards you just want to skip ahead cause the only thing to do is wail in the misery and negativity. I don't think I could handle that for years on end.
Click to expand...
Mate I do empathise. It interests me learning more too. You know, from how you appear, communicate, banter, hold solid face, show nothing but respect for all us (even proper nuts like me lol) and no agro, judgement or anything slightly negative…


Then you report the swings from light enough to gloomy, empty darkness. That surprised me, but in a credit to you sense for not ever ever, from all my own observations, being at al “shitty” towards any of us here, and you’ve never even suspended your sense of humour it seems even in the troughs.

I’m not like you, the dramatic swings, just very variable but not in a fixed cycle.

Like, periods of certain consciousness and life position, I’ve been mentally. Solid indefinitely then other stretches of life, totally different.

When I was younger, it was closer to the intense daily up and down swings.

@Buzz Lightbeer just saying man, however you feel, you’re always bright and fungoing round about.

Maybe, in years, things are different, or it just isn’t as bad. You never know.

Stick in man, for now at least. I see a number of really good, real, intelligent members really struggling to see forwards mentally.

Myself not excluded, but I’m digging deep always and it’s not futile at all no way.

@Outlier too for example I saw recently feeling rock bottom mentally. He seems a real cool man, very smart, great sense of humour. Very popular round here and a true asset to this place I swear.

I wish him too well anyway.
 
I really hate the swings, there is no baseline or even a sense of what it's like. It is bound to sow distrust in oneself after a while.
Surrendering is one thing, accepting ánd being functional is a whole other matter. Add ADHD and you've got a deeply dysfunctional human being.

AutoTripper said:
Mate I do empathise. It interests me learning more too. You know, from how you appear, communicate, banter, hold solid face, show nothing but respect for all us (even proper nuts like me lol) and no agro, judgement or anything slightly negative…


Then you report the swings from light enough to gloomy, empty darkness. That surprised me, but in a credit to you sense for not ever ever, from all my own observations, being at al “shitty” towards any of us here, and you’ve never even suspended your sense of humour it seems even in the troughs.

I’m not like you, the dramatic swings, just very variable but not in a fixed cycle.

Like, periods of certain consciousness and life position, I’ve been mentally. Solid indefinitely then other stretches of life, totally different.

When I was younger, it was closer to the intense daily up and down swings.

@Buzz Lightbeer just saying man, however you feel, you’re always bright and fungoing round about.

Maybe, in years, things are different, or it just isn’t as bad. You never know.

Stick in man, for now at least. I see a number of really good, real, intelligent members really struggling to see forwards mentally.

Myself not excluded, but I’m digging deep always and it’s not futile at all no way.

@Outlier too for example I saw recently feeling rock bottom mentally. He seems a real cool man, very smart, great sense of humour. Very popular round here and a true asset to this place I swear.

I wish him too well anyway.
Click to expand...
Too much praise brother =D
I just like coming here, always loved the forum way of communication. Lots of complaining and oversharing this past year on my end, but whatever, when I come here I just ride the waves as you do ;) now if only I were able to try some of the untouched psychedelics left in my collection.........

I'll be fine, for now I've put my trust in the psychiatric system, a journey which has only just begun. Otherwise I plan to stay on this planet for as long as I can.
 
Charlie does help liven it up when he's around. :) It has been quiet, I've been really busy, personally.

Buzz Lightbeer said:
Almost purely internal, often right after a hypomanic phase. I think this was the case this time as well, but my meds do dim my mood so I didn't notice at the time. Now I am hypomanic again and will probably crash somewhere next week, maybe the week after.
It's like a very dark cloud on your way of thinking at all times, very negative, sometimes physically heavy, sometimes very anxious, sometimes just pure emptiness. Sometimes it goes away somewhat for an hour or so, and I can usher a smile in, otherwise I can be crying for half an hour straight while nothing really changed since a week earlier. It's not as incapacitating as I read it's for some (weeks in bed etc...), but it is still really bad.
I keep myself up by telling myself that it'll pass, and it does, for people with clinical depression this is not the case, sadly.
Click to expand...

My good friend, my second oldest friend and one of my best friends, has severe treatment-resistant clinical depression. It manifested when he was 14/15 years old, his mom got cancer and that seemed to kick it off though she recovered and is still alive, and it may have been coincidental timing. In any case, he is always crushingly depressed, it's so sad. He has an amazing family and a good childhood and everything should have been go to go, but he is crippled by it. He's very often suicidal and says the only reason he hasn't killed himself many times over is because he loves his family and doesn't want them to feel pain. It's really fucked up. He briefly had a couple of weeks as an adult where he felt happy and motivated and great, but it was after he did MDMA the first time, he did it a couple more times over those weeks and was pretty manic, but after that, he had a horrendous crash and hasn't wanted to touch it since. He's tried all sorts of therapy and medications and nothing lifts the depression. It certainly seems neurochemical in original, he can't even explain it, it's just how he always feels. And now that he's almost 40, and still hasn't been able to really do anything with his life despite trying, it's a vicious cycle and it's even worse because he has actual reasons to feel bad about himself now in addition to the unexplainable chemical imbalance.

Sucks so much. :( He rarely even wants to talk these days. We call each other sometimes and when he's in a better place (he cycles between moderately and suicidally depressed), we'll talk for hours. I've called him before when he was suicidally depressed and he felt so bad he couldn't even carry on a conversation and I could tell it made him feel even worse, so I pretty much just let him call me now when he feels up to it. Which isn't that often these days. :\
 
Took my cat to a specialist today, since my regular vet wasn't able to extract his infected teeth since his blood pressure dropped too low under anesthesia. The specialist agrees with my other vet that overall he is in amazing health for his age and is shocked that he is 16 and said he looks and seems about 10, which is awesome. They detected a heart murmur, which has been detected before, so they said they'd like to do an ultrasound of his heart, to gather more information to come up with an anesthesia protocol to suit him. Damn vet bill today was $660. But fortunately I have pet insurance which has a $1000 deductible for the lifetime for any given condition. I already had about $800 towards this tooth problem, so I will be refunded most of that and the operation will all be covered 100%. Which is awesome, but even so, I'm nervous about it. I need my little boy to be okay and anesthesia is risky any way you cut it, for old animals. But these guys are very good animal doctors.

I also have pretty strong feelings about the fact that he will lose most of his teeth. They said his tongue might end up sticking out all the time. They tried to frame it like "he'll be even cuter" but... no, that's disturbing to me. I guess because I want him to still be young.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top