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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Distancing Talk Thread: Swirly Congregation That's 100% Pandemic-Proof

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Vortech??? Oh NO!!!

My deepest condolences to all of his loved ones. Rest in peace my friend.

Much Love,
Dreamflyer

I think that this was his very last post on here. I couldn't "quote" it properly because it's from the old thread that was closed, but let's all take these words of wisdom to heart. This is beautiful...

"I hate to make this thread even darker than it already is with my story, but to you guys that feel like your life is fucked and would rather just end it, please get some perspective guys, make the best of the precious time and health you have, it really is a gift; it can be taken from you in a flash before you can blink. I know what it can seem like in those dark spots, but just do whatever you need to get to that light at the end of the tunnel. 'the only way out is through'. Whatever that is unique and personal to you, and it probably isn't just one thing either, downward spirals don't happen generally from just one isolated thing. but taking it one thing at a time is at least the right path.
I'm really not wanting to sound preachy, and I don't have a whole lot of room to talk, but I like to think my current situation has afforded me a bit of clarity about life's fragility and why that makes it so valuable."

-Vortech
​
 
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well, finally got my biopsy results. i definitely still have cancer. they're talking about doing surgery to cut it out this time. that's hoping that the cancer is in just one spot, tho, if we find its in multiple spots again i will be doing chemotherapy. will find out more in a few weeks when i get a PET scan.

maybe vortech was lucky that his didn't get dragged out forever.

February 8th marks two year since i first had surgery and started chemotherapy.
 
pharmakos said:
well, finally got my biopsy results. i definitely still have cancer. they're talking about doing surgery to cut it out this time. that's hoping that the cancer is in just one spot, tho, if we find its in multiple spots again i will be doing chemotherapy. will find out more in a few weeks when i get a PET scan.

maybe vortech was lucky that his didn't get dragged out forever.

February 8th marks two year since i first had surgery and started chemotherapy.
Click to expand...

Ah fuck. Man. I hope you're okay tnw <3
 
Ah god damn it. Fuck man, that's so unfair tnw. I'm sending out good thought about it just being a single spot. <3

And dreamflyer, that incredibly relevant and foreshadowing post from vortech (his last one? WTF) literally is forcing tears out of my eyes.
 
I went over to my friend's house tonight who I used to be in a band with. He's a drummer, and he and most of the members of his band live together. I've jammed with them once before, and again tonight... tonight we also had my bass player friend who was also in that same band. The music was amazing, I really love playing with those guys. I stayed and chilled afterwards for a while, and they asked me if I want to come to a couple of their practices and learn some of their song and sit in with them at a show in March. Cool. :) It's so cool that I finally feel like I can just play good music with people. I mean none of what we did was discussed at all. At one point I started playing with chord progression that I want to turn into a song. They listened and figured it out and followed me and it was so great. It gave me an indescribably good feeling. :)

When vortech visited me, I brought him to band practice one night, and he sang with us while we jammed. It's recorded too. I should find those and share them.
 
its too bad that vortech is gone, he is the only BLer i've met in real life besides one other guy who was more of a lurker.

We kept in touch via FB and he even came to one of my friend's thanksgiving parties a few years ago.

RIP


I just went to gem and jam over the weekend and had a wonderful psychedelic rebirth where it felt like I was a little kid again. I smiled in ways that I forgot I could (or haven't in years) unfortunately I didn't get too great of sleep afterwards and i'm feeling the emotional instability now.

I found out this morning that I don't have colon cancer, which is fortunate, but it kinda pissed me off that they weren't able to diagnose me with anything.

I've been contemplating converting to judaism so I can go on the birthright trip to Israel. is that selfish? probably, but if I can do it, why not?
 
RIP Vortech, I always felt particularly close to your experiences, and your outlook on them always got me thinking because they were like the inverse of my own. Wish I had gotten to know you better, thought I had more time. This really burns, bluelight won't be the same without him.
 
I had a near death experience a few days ago. I almost got hit by a car, my ladyfriend got her feet injured. If it wasn't for some completely automated reflex that made me push her towards me, she would have been hit by the car at full speed. But the car only hit her feet, which leaned forward when I violently pushed her back. The hit still was strong enough to make us fly a couple of meters and land in the concrete of a semi-busy avenue. Miraculously nothing too serious came out from it. The doctors said my girl will be able to walk again in only a couple of weeks.

Having that experience, and founding out about Vortech's death the day after has me on a pretty somber mode. Thinking about death a lot. How fragile life is. How little time we have hear, and how much we take for granted.

January's been a weird ride.

RIP Vostek
 
So glad you and your girl are okay Img... <3

I wrote a long post and then got a work call yesterday and hadn't quite finished and then closed the browser without remembering I hadn't posted it. Well aside from thoughts on mortality which I feel a little too fragile to think on too much at the moment (I'm visiting my dad who is near death and suffering, it shakes me up a lot), I went to the doctor yesterday. I've been feeling wrist pain for months, it also goes up the side of my arm. I also have some toe joint pain which I've had for years, and random pains that come and go in my joints, mostly shoulders. I also have psoriasis on my skin quite a lot, it's gotten slowly worse. Anyway, recently my wrist started hurting when I play and since I'm a musician this freaked me out enough to finally go to a joint specialist.

So I got in there, and the doctor started moving my arm and wrist around trying to find out where it hurts. Then she noticed my psoriasis, and my fingernails. Now, for a few years I ave had what I originally thought was psoriasis spots under my fingernails that appear at the base and slowly grow out. But then various people including a different doctor told me it looked like nail fungus. I've tried some things to get rid of it but I never can. The doctor yesterday told me that it looks just like the first warning sign of psoriatic arthritis. Basically psoriasis in the joints. It can become quite debilitating. They took some blood and I'm anxiously awaiting the lab results. She said she could be wrong but it really looks like that and would explain the joint pain too. She said there are some treatment options. The first one we'd try would be an oral anti-inflammatory. Not sure what the other options are. I know the last-ditch one which I basically would refuse unless it got so bad I couldn't live a normal life... it's a monthly injection that lowers your immune system (psoriasis is an inflammatory auto-immune response gone out of control). But you get sick more often and it substantially increases your chances of getting cancer and other diseases.

I asked her if there are any dietary things I could do, and she said yeah, avoid inflammatory foods. Especially gluten as there has been a lot of study done on it increasing inflammation in the body. Also cheese/dairy. I eat a lot of bread and I love it... it's gonna be hard to change. I also drink a lot of beer but I already know I shouldn't do that. So I'm gonna give it a try. Interestingly, my cousin was telling me a couple of years ago that I should go gluten-free because she had psoriasis and stopped consuming any gluten and it went away completely.

Well, the doctor stuck a massive needle into the middle of my wrist and injected a steroid... I absolutely hate needles, and I broke out in a cold sweat and almost threw up and then almost passed out. I can't even describe how much I hate the sight and especially the feeling of needles penetrating my body and then staying in there... god it's so repulsive. Then when they took my blood in the lab, the nurse overshot and stabbed me and I have a bruised inner arm. 2 needles in one day. :p And I got a wrist brace to wear whenever I don't need full wrist mobility. She wants to see me again in 3 weeks. I guess in a week or so I'll know if it's psoriatic arthritis or not.

Anyway I feel a little less fucked up about this today but I'm scared... psoriatic arthritis is no joke. My psoriasis has been getting worse and worse too. And the fingernail thing appeared around the same time as I started getting my strange left big toe joint pain. :\
 
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Holy shit vortech is deceased?

And TNW's bloody cancer is back?



No way.

TNW Im sorry. Its been too long but when Dex and I hung out in san fran I recall him saying he had met you?

He mumbled a lot but had a good relationship with you.


Love you man :(


I didnt know vortech but he had some epic posts here.


*Sigh*.


:(
 
Lots of health problems among the swirly folks :(

I had some skin removed on my back earlier this week, left a dime sized giant scab that they burned closed... It's getting agitated, I'm supposed to leave it open to the air, but because it's on my back I keep rubbing it as I have to sit down and lean against things. They said they'd let me know next week if it's more skin cancer. Of course skin cancer isn't all that serious, but seeing as my mom has skin cancer removed at least once a year and has for many years, and I had some two years ago, I doubt the test results will be negative. Not looking forward to having a quarter sized hole torn out of my skin... The smell of my skin burning was enough. The feeling of the surgeon tugging my skin closed with stitches is disturbing though. I think I'll take a decent dose of etizolam and have my fiance drive me should they need to remove more next week :\
 
zephyr said:
Holy shit vortech is deceased?

And TNW's bloody cancer is back?



No way.

TNW Im sorry. Its been too long but when Dex and I hung out in san fran I recall him saying he had met you?

He mumbled a lot but had a good relationship with you.


Love you man :(


I didnt know vortech but he had some epic posts here.


*Sigh*.


:(
Click to expand...

thanks zeph.

Dex and i never met in person, only BSd on AIM and Facebook a minimal amount, but we always kind of considered each other kindred spirits despite going at each other pretty heavily in The Lounge way back when.
 
Xorkoth said:
So glad you and your girl are okay Img... <3

I wrote a long post and then got a work call yesterday and hadn't quite finished and then closed the browser without remembering I hadn't posted it. Well aside from thoughts on mortality which I feel a little too fragile to think on too much at the moment (I'm visiting my dad who is near death and suffering, it shakes me up a lot), I went to the doctor yesterday. I've been feeling wrist pain for months, it also goes up the side of my arm. I also have some toe joint pain which I've had for years, and random pains that come and go in my joints, mostly shoulders. I also have psoriasis on my skin quite a lot, it's gotten slowly worse. Anyway, recently my wrist started hurting when I play and since I'm a musician this freaked me out enough to finally go to a joint specialist.

So I got in there, and the doctor started moving my arm and wrist around trying to find out where it hurts. Then she noticed my psoriasis, and my fingernails. Now, for a few years I ave had what I originally thought was psoriasis spots under my fingernails that appear at the base and slowly grow out. But then various people including a different doctor told me it looked like nail fungus. I've tried some things to get rid of it but I never can. The doctor yesterday told me that it looks just like the first warning sign of psoriatic arthritis. Basically psoriasis in the joints. It can become quite debilitating. They took some blood and I'm anxiously awaiting the lab results. She said she could be wrong but it really looks like that and would explain the joint pain too. She said there are some treatment options. The first one we'd try would be an oral anti-inflammatory. Not sure what the other options are. I know the last-ditch one which I basically would refuse unless it got so bad I couldn't live a normal life... it's a monthly injection that lowers your immune system (psoriasis is an inflammatory auto-immune response gone out of control). But you get sick more often and it substantially increases your chances of getting cancer and other diseases.

I asked her if there are any dietary things I could do, and she said yeah, avoid inflammatory foods. Especially gluten as there has been a lot of study done on it increasing inflammation in the body. Also cheese/dairy. I eat a lot of bread and I love it... it's gonna be hard to change. I also drink a lot of beer but I already know I shouldn't do that. So I'm gonna give it a try. Interestingly, my cousin was telling me a couple of years ago that I should go gluten-free because she had psoriasis and stopped consuming any gluten and it went away completely.

Well, the doctor stuck a massive needle into the middle of my wrist and injected a steroid... I absolutely hate needles, and I broke out in a cold sweat and almost threw up and then almost passed out. I can't even describe how much I hate the sight and especially the feeling of needles penetrating my body and then staying in there... god it's so repulsive. Then when they took my blood in the lab, the nurse overshot and stabbed me and I have a bruised inner arm. 2 needles in one day. :p And I got a wrist brace to wear whenever I don't need full wrist mobility. She wants to see me again in 3 weeks. I guess in a week or so I'll know if it's psoriatic arthritis or not.

Anyway I feel a little less fucked up about this today but I'm scared... psoriatic arthritis is no joke. My psoriasis has been getting worse and worse too. And the fingernail thing appeared around the same time as I started getting my strange left big toe joint pain. :\
Click to expand...

i've always thought it curious when us swirly folk end up with issues like psoriasis... a disease largely mediated by tumor necrosis factor-alpha, an enzyme of whichmany psychededlics drugs are an inhibitor of, particularly DOx drugs. i'm not sure if its coincidence, or if it's not, which way the cause and effect relationship goes -- perhaps people with these sorts of issues end up developing more of an affinity with drugs that might help it, or perhaps people that take those sorts of drugs end up with these issues. or maybe sometimes one way and sometimes the other...

after typing that, i did some googling, and found this scholarly article that describes cases where people taking TNF-a inhibitors for other reasons ended up paradoxically developing psoriatic skin conditions: http://www.archivesofrheumatology.org/full-text/352

easy to be an armchair speculative researcher tho =p take it with a grain of salt. but out of curiosity, has your DOC/DOx use changed in recent history?
 
TNW, I am sorry about the return of the cancer. Having been support person to my husband now in his 5th year I can only say it's a bizarre world to try to navigate.

Vortech's post (thank you, dreamflyer) is so right on--it gives me comfort to know that he experienced that level of gratitude. I'm sorry we lost him. His threads in P&S were always intriguing and he was a very kind person.
 
Img_9999 said:
Having that experience, and founding out about Vortech's death the day after has me on a pretty somber mode. Thinking about death a lot. How fragile life is. How little time we have hear, and how much we take for granted.

January's been a weird ride.
Click to expand...

Wow, that's a hell of a story. I'm glad you and your girl are okay! But yeah... tell me about it. I'm feeling exactly the same way. With the specter of death looming ever more conspicuously, I'm starting to question the way I'm living my life. Seriously considering just quitting my 9-5 job and devoting myself 100% to my true passion, music.
 
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