ocean
Bluelight Crew
For the guy on the first page being worried that he just has the "look" of someone who other people in prison would want to rape, PLEASE, stop thinking that. Its completely not true.
First, "tons of guys" DO NOT get raped in prison. Its about 95% a tv myth. It DOES happen, but its still much rarer than you think. Whats more common in prison is just consensual sex between men, still not THAT common. But way more common than rape. If you want something REAL to worry about worry about how you're gonna stay out of fights.
That was one of the first thing I was told by the oldtimers when I came in. They would joke about it so much ONLY BECAUSE they knew I was a newbie and concerned about it. But simple story short, it rarely happens at all like you think.
EVEN IF you have feminine attributes, most guys in prison still want a real woman. They don't just walk through the walls one day and think "oh boy, I'm not attracted to women anymore let me go rape a guy" so please drop the movie myths.
Now to more serious topics.
As far as this thread, yes I was molested, but its something I don't feel the need to get into. All I can say is age will somewhat change the toll that is has on you.
Because I was young there never was a lot of anger in early years, it was more an overwhelming feeling of "I'm different from everybody" and I can say now that my identity had basically shattered from the experience.
I'm not sure if its worse when you get older. But I would imagine there would be a lot more anger involved. I did transition a lot of my emotions to anger, but I got most that stuff out during prison/early drug addiction.
And now I don't see that experience as really holding me back.
In a weird way we tell ourselves that our experiences with drugs have only made us stronger. I'm not sure if thats 100% true with drugs, I can absolutely say being molested made me stronger than I ever thought I would be. And it also gives me the courage to speak to others much more comfortably who have been through those situations.
For instance, I remember a girl opening up one time about how she was raped. And there was me and my friend just standing there at work. My friend had no idea what to say, or how to respond to the situation, but I didn't feel that type of akwardness at all. I started asking her about what happened and it felt "akwardly natural". Its hard to explain but I think sometimes people can sense in other people when these sorts of things have happened.
I know for whatever reason my highscool sweetheart I found out had also been sexually abused at a young age, and I found another girl years later who I liked a lot and had been raped. Its very weird to say, but in a way I DO share a very strong bond with all you people who have gone through sexual abuse. I feel like you are all my brothers and sisters.
I agree, there is a connectedness, though the circumstances that lead to that feeling of connection is unfortunate.

I'm glad you chose to share..........