Pandora's Box.......Sexual Abuse

[mrflowers00]

when i was 7 i was rapped by my friends 15 year old sister please don't rip on me for being a dude getting raped by a chick i worked through it in therapy and have no lingering issues with it but for a long time i drank pretty heavily to forget about it like to 5ths of 80 to 100 proof liqueur a day i no longer use drugs to escape reality i use to feel good cause most of the time i feel like shit physically and mentally

 

[herbavore]

Here are some resources that might be helpful:
http://www.amazon.com/Speaking-Our-Truth-Survivors-Childhood/dp/0060950587

http://www.amazon.com/The-Courage-Heal-Expanded-Survivors/dp/0060950668

http://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Childhood-Sexual-Abuse-Practical/dp/1555612253/ref=pd_sim_b_6

 

[Mistressofitness]

I'm a guy and I feel werid talking about sexual abuse....i know when i was young i encountered some...and know alot of my old gfs from middle school and highschool delt with sexual abuse in their lifes. Mine was from "family friends" older females...I been doing drugs and finnaly in 07 become addicted to meth that i'm finnaly in recovery from.

I never had a normal relationship with females...i'm viewed as shy, werid, so shy that i seem anti social and girls are scared of me. I'm not ugly i'm not super hott i'm "cute" as i been told but lack that macho manly protector. I guess u can say i'm a lil dorky in a andy sandberg kinda of way I love comedy. Anyways i'm now 20 years old and have issues reaching out to people having loving relationships with women. I feel like i'm always being pushed around by pretty girls rather then respected. Rather use drugs to forget about it.

I am so sad to hear about your experiences..my heart goes out to you, and I congratulate you for posting . i hope you can find a path to having the love you deserve....and that includes loving yourself. You are young and have a whole life ahead. Don't give up... and seek healing, whatever for it takes that works for you. Good luck!!! Keep talking about it. Sharing really helps with all this stuff.

 

[Mistressofitness]

I wanted to create a place on TDS just for victims of sexual abuse to connect with others who have suffered similar experiences.
I hope for people to be able to talk openly about their experience, how they swam through the murky waters of the psychological aftermath, if/how they were able to let go, what therapies were offered or available to you, what therapies helped …….

It would be nice if we could share experiences of letting go of this pain-
Sharing our stories and helping one another to move on from our abuse.

I wanted to name this thread Pandora’s Box b/c when Pandora opened the box and unleashed the evils on the world, HOPE was the only thing left in the box.
This story and the story of Persephone helped me face my sexual abuse.

In looking at sites for sexual abuse victims I had found that a site was created about Pandora and sexual abuse.
I took this as a sign to do my thread

Though we may not know many Bluelighters in our real lives-
Please keep these stories confidential.



I myself did not have therapy for my sexual abuse.
My mother was ashamed and denied it- and my father’s words were ‘Get over it’ .
I read a lot about mythology and connected with the story of Persephone.
If you have not read the story you can find it here.
I felt a connection to the earth through this story and felt that my abuse created a bond between myself and the cycles of nature. The Seasons.
For me this helped.
At the times of my abuse I was not able to get online much.
I think had I been able to talk to other people who had gone through similar experiences it would have helped me heal so much faster.
Now there are many sites available – here are a few………..

The one I spoke of above-
http://www.pandys.org/

http://www.dancinginthedarkness.com/

http://www.aftersilence.org/aftermath.php

http://www.rapehelp.com/

http://www.rainn.org/


This site has a 24hr hotline-
http://www.sassnh.org/


This site has links to many more websites
Stellablue created a thread for all forms of abuse, where you can post anonymously if you are more comfortable, that can be found
here-

Thank you for posting resources! I have been looking for some so I will go check them out....I am soon going to have a conversation with my mom who I love dearly, but who has an idealized view of family that is almost "Stepford-esque". I was molested by my half- brother many times- around age of 6-7 and he was 16-17...also he did it to my best friend at same time qmwhen he babysat us.. I had much therapy over years bc I developed eating disorder as young girl, acted out sexually, and then became alcoholic, and entered very toxic relationships with men. i got sober when I was 28, did 12 step pgm, and started to get therapy shortly after... as I just couldn't stand how I felt around my brother --who-- at time was trying to have a close relationship because he found God!!! it made my skin crawl... Eventually, with professional help I told my mother about the molestation, and confronted him about it. He said he didn't remember but was sincerely apologetic and asked what he could do....he said he thought maybe he had been abused but couldn't remember. At the time I forgave him truly; I knew that his family life before coming to live with us had traumatized him, and our Father was not great to him. I realize that this is an unusual story- especially because we continued to have a familial relationship- as my mother considers him to be her son even tho she isn't his birth or adopted mother (my dad's son from previous marriage- step son I guess is term). I do not think my mother fully wanted to comprehend the effect that he had on me, and there was unspoken expectation that we are family.

But I couldn't forget, and eventually the trauma came back, after my dad died and my brother and i had to manage his estate affairs together...which was a mess. All the fear and disgust came back as we had terrible arguments. We got through it but every time I see him at a family dinner I feel anger and revulsion. I recently realized I no longer want a relationship with him ; that he is not MY family; and that the only reason I had relationship was for sake of my mom. She considers him her son, and will be hurt and sad as the family definition changes as result of my boundary .... At the age of fifty I finally realize it is ok that I don't consider him to be my family; and that my mother needs to back me up on this decision and not expect me to be at functions with him. I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders from the new knowledge.... but am dreading the conversation with her because she is possibly going to struggle with it and possibly ask me to reconsider which I won't do. I am seeking lots of support before I talk to her; and deciding whether I will also tell him face to face.

I have had friends tell me before who knew about this, that they couldn't believe I maintained a relationship with him- I never questioned that it was an option- I thought I had to for my mother!!! Can you imagine? Now, as though the lights were just turned on after years in darkness, it seems ridiculous to me that I tried for so long (15yrs) !!!!..when I simply could have told him that day we spoke that I forgave him truly; but that I didn't want to have a familial relationship with him.

Sorry for long post but I am really glad there are places to go and talk about this stuff! Thank you!!! Any advice is welcome!