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Pandora's Box.......Sexual Abuse

OverDone said:
sounds like its about time to get into a treatment facility. Basically, you have two choices: 1) get help 2) let it keep getting worse

Which is the scarier of the two, man? Its over, john. This run, all this pain you are experiencing can start going away if you go somewhere for help.

It doesn't have to be like this for you any longer.
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I'd like to just have feedback on my original question - I am not going back to treatment. I'm a realist, I know when to cut my losses with treatment centers - brainwashing cult preachers etc. I'll move and try from there. Ty tho OD- could i call later or are you bus I have a few q's for you?
 
Captain.Heroin said:
How extensive was the abuse for him? If it was severe, I would assume it is the calm before the storm. That may be an unfair assessment of the situation. However, the relationship is still worth being in, at least it isn't necessarily is not worth being in so I would stay in it until you can tell it's not positive for both of you or at the least one of you.

There's lots of people here who struggle with PTSD, make some friends and talk about what's on your mind and it'll still help. :) I am so sorry to hear you are still depressed, I know many people who feel the same way and I have struggled with it myself as I still do at times.
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He's never given me explicit details, but from what I've gathered it was quite extensive and happened several times. He says the manager would always schedule him so they would close the store together :(
Our relationship is positive, and we work to keep it that way.
Thank you, luckily I am on wellbutrin and 5-htp now which has been a life savor
 
I have been sexually abused many times when I was younger. I believe it definitely changed the person who I was suppose to be. I also lack the respect for myself that I should have. I'm also pretty hard on the outside and barely do I show emotion such as sadness.
 
My bf and I have been together almost 2 years now and the other night he asked me "Are we just not sexually compatible?"
I knew this was coming. I have a history of sexual abuse here and then. I remembered most of them as an adult.
It was more the forcefully nature of sex with some of the men I dated. If it hurt they didn't care. Add to that a year of being a Jehovah's Witness where masturbation is a SERIOUS sin and any for of sexuality is forbidden unless you are married. I guess you just learn to try to turn it all off there and perhaps I never got it turned back on. IDK
I have no libido AT ALL (I'm on the implanted 3 year birth control if that matters). And often when someone touches me I feel afraid, ashamed and tense up. I have to be "talked into it" while I pull away because of my feelings (I'm sure that makes him feel crappy) and I might finally give in. Or get mad cause I really did mean NO but he can't tell the difference! 2 yes 2 years its still like this.
Ok yeah and I work with domestic violence victims (who usually have been raped in the relationship) and other sexually assaulted women. I'm sure that helps my issues too. But its the only work I can find....

I wasn't sure where to put this. For me to be THIS messed up something HAS to have happened. I just don't know what or which one! And if was bad enough I don't remember it maybe its better than I don't.
But I'm scared I'm going to lose my relationship if I don't get this figured out!!!!
A counselor would be the best but he doesn't have any insurance and they are many hoops and fences for me to even be able to go on my own!
 
^That's very common for victims of sexual abuse PT.
You might be able to find therapy through your county or even a group to go to.
Yeah, a group can feel like exposure you are not ready for but it may also help to know others understand and are in a similar situation.
I've been there. I worked through it but I can't tell you how. I think for everyone it is different and I just needed to process it for myself.
I've known others who have been sexually abused and it seems like sometimes when you are in a safe relationship it is easier to process what has been done to you , which in turn, makes it difficult to be sexual.
Try to talk to your bf and hopefully he will understand. If he's the one, he'll accept it, and you for all you are and all that comes with it. As much as you don't want to let those bad experiences shape you- they do. And they make you stronger once you come out the other side of them <3
Keep your head up.
 
There's a very good book called The Courage to Heal by Laura Davis and Ellen Bass. It was published 20 years ago when the authors were young and has just been released again with updates by the authors who are now middle aged. It is very empowering. Peace and healing to everyone in this thread.
 
godlovesugly said:
pedophiles...no forgiveness for them. f that..
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Sorry to get all "politically correct" and technical on you but don't you actually mean to say "child molestors...no forgiveness for them" ?

Or were you implying that the word Pedophile is just another word for someone who "hurts children" and anyone who is defined as having an attraction to children (Pedophile) automatically deserves "no forgiveness" for existing with those feelings despite whether they may be celibate and choose to never act on it?
 
Speaking of "Child Molesters", I wanted to share my "rape attempt" incidence.

When I was around 13, I was doing work experience at a Pet Shop at our local Mall. On my lunch break I went to the toilets for a pee and a quickie. I was an extremely horny young kid and I masturbated at every opportunity I got, I don't know why but I especially got off on having a quick wank at the public toilets.

So anyways I was enjoying a nice fap whilst sitting on the toilet when suddenly a hand reached out from below the gap in the the neighboring cubicle beside me and grabbed my leg. The arm was covered in white hair and there lay and old man on the toilet ground with his hand firmly grabbed onto my ankle and his head staring at me inside my cubicle whilst trying to pull the rest of himself in. I gave a loud yelp and stomped on his hand with my other foot until he let go and I ran out trembling with shock and still carrying a bulging boner in my pants. I ran straight into the Pet Shop I was training at and stood inside pretending to admire the animals whilst trying to make sense of what had just happened.

I never told anyone about it until now. I should have gone to the mall security and reported it but I was in shock and afraid at the time. That was the last time I ever masturbated at a public toilet.
 
So I just want to go out there and say that along with my anxiety, or maybe the anxiety came from the many years of just verbal and physical abuse from my mother, being sexually abused is one of the worst things someone can go through. I believe I was raped by my ex boyfriends dad when my ex drugged me with alcohol and kpins. And just a few months back I was taken advantage of by someone who I thought was a good person. It makes me so down sometimes.
 
^ Am so sorry to hear you had to endure that nightmare Sappy :(... the fact that you are here to share it is a testament to you and who you are. <3<3 I also developed anxiety and depression due to physical abuse and bullying by my Mother.
Have you got any support/help for what you went through hun?
 
No, I am afraid that no one will believe me really. I was drugged, like I said and i blacked out, but i kept haveing dreams of the same thing happening and i believe that its just a pushed down memory of what happened because i felt weird when i woke up from blacking out, not just regularly weird. I asked my ex if anything happened and he just said no, not why are you asking, is everything ok, just no. And what sucks is that i work with the wife of this guy, shes my boss so i have to deal with it everyday at work. I really feel like it happened because after that day i just felt wrong. Ive also had dreams like this of my father, ive only told my fiance because it scares me to think it might be true. Ive always felt weird about my relationship with him so i dont really want to know though. And about the most recent time, i liked this guy that ive known for years and he decided to get me drunk and then take advantage of me. I never thought that this would happen to me honestly. The only thing thats come out of this was me hitting the bottom of life and having to drag myself out of this shithole. Ive had so many emotional problems and mental issues...
 
I want to add that i think that happened with my father because it would explain why my mother hated me so much : (
 
^Sappy, that sounds like so much pain and confusion to try to contain and sort out alone hun. I get that some therapists would be sceptical etc but what really matters here is- you know yourself what feels right/wrong and I believe that you deserve to take yourself seriously and any Therapist who doesn't isnt the right one for you. Finding help to deal with these issues with someone open-minded and trustworthy enough to be on your side is what you need(and no one less mind!). Of course there is no magical solution to this but you truly deserve to have support with this and have that support to help shoulder this burden that you have had to endure.
Having your trust betrayed like that is so damaging but you dont have to turn on yourself. Mental/emotional issues are not something any of us would choose- they are often a very healthy response to dysfunctional circumstances. A coping mechanism. If only everyone understood that, eh! :\
Am glad you shared that here darlin. Feel free to pm me if you want. <3
 
Thank you, it really is nice to have someone say that to me. Yeah, its a lot for me to handle and sort out and i really do need to see a therapist but I have no idea when ill be able to afford one. It really sucks having my trust be betrayed like it was but I guess im starting to realize that it has made me a better and different person. Ive seen the fucking bottom, and pretty much looked hell in the face and i lost myself but I am back now and no one can fuck with me anymore. My mother abused me emotionally and physically for my whole life and I finally was told what might be the reason of it by my grandma today... My mom's mom was raped at 16 and forced to keep and take care of my mother and so she took it out on her. And then i guess my mom let it take her over and she decided to take it out on me, so with her and the previously mentioned happenings, ive had so much to try and deal and cope with and its been exhausting. But im glad that its not hopeless, and that im finally learning to get over it and ive had help from my loving fiance that has held me and just let me bawl on his shoulder plenty of times. Im just glad that so far, ive broken the cycle and have learned to be one of the kindest and loving people albeit super protective of my loved ones : D

phew, it felt so good just to get that shit out!
 
My Experience

Hi

I was sexually abused when I was in foster care. I was put in foster care when I was 13 years old, turned 14 there and moved out when I was 14.

There was only one foster parent, an elderly woman with mobility issues. She only took adolescent boys because they paid the most. ($1300 a month each I believe) There were 3 of us. She was also a chain smoker so we all smoke in the house and she didn't notice. Looking back this was a terrible foster home....

All us foster kids shared a big bedroom, and one night we were looking at pornos that one of the kids smuggled in. (man this is my first time going through it in detail) Well, we all started horsing around, one kid was dryhumping us other kids, jokingly i thought, but then the 2 kids started getting serious. They forced me to undress under threat of bodily harm and both were dryhumping me at first, but then it escalated....(fuck im in tears now) they took turns forcing themselves on me, and threatened to fuck me up if i screamed or said anything. Well I was too scared to say anything, also eqully afraid noone would believe me. The next night one of the kids tried to kill himself by eating a bottle of caffeine pills. I watched him puke and called an ambulance. He was taken away by police/ambulance.

After it happened (the rape) I just showered thoroughly, and went to bed. I just laid there, didnt sleep, cry or anything. Got up at morning and lived my life like nothing happened. I honestly didnt cry or think about it until 9 years later when I told my shrink, which was quite recently. And now that ive told someone, ive been having dreams about it, waking up crying and shit, its like I un-repressed the memory. What the fuck. Whats weird is I actually tried rationalizing the kids actions.....I told myself that since they were in foster care, they were probably subject to what they did to me, and it wasn't entirely their fault. Fucked up way of dealing with it.....

Well it feels a bit better to get it off my chest...

Thanks to all the others that shared. <3
 
Im really sorry that you had to go through that, it just made me tear up quite a bit. I hate that kids do shit like that, my fiance just came out and told me a very similar story to yours but it was kids at school instead of at his home. Did you stay there after all that happened? if you did i bet you were terrified : (
 
I did stay there Sappy. In fact I socialized with the kids after it happened so noone would think anything happened. I instantly repressed the experience. (with the help of drugs) Im learning, with the help of my psychologist, that I am extremely good at repressing memories and avoiding negative feelings. Its no wonder as time went on the memories started to slowly surface on their own, which led me to do harder and harder drugs until I was a full blown heroin addict.

Even though I still cry about it, and it pains me to think about it, it is a relief to finally acknowledge what happened. The analogy I use is opening a valve to lower the pressure that has been building inside me.

(what I find interesting is I didnt acknowledge the abuse until I quit heroin and started methadone. weird huh.)
 
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