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My wife has had a short lived affair with someone I know

'Gotta take the crunchy with the smooth' is a line from Billy Bragg's Walk Away Renee -
She said it was just a figment of speech
And I said, "You mean figure?"
And she said, "No, figment"
Because she could never imagine it happening
But it did.

When we first met I played the shy boy
And when she spoke to me for the first time
My nose began to bleed
She guessed the rest

The next day we went on a bus ride to the ferry
And when nobody came to collect our fares
Well, I knew then this was something special
I couldn't stop thinking about her
And every time I switched on the radio
There was somebody else singing a song about the two of us

It was just like being on a fast ride at the funfair
The sort you wanna get off because it?s scary
And then as soon as you?re off
You wanna get straight back on again

But our love is strange
And you have to take the crunchy with the smooth I s'pose
She began going out with Mr Potato Head
It was when I saw her in the car park
With his coat around her shoulders that I realized
I went home and thought about the two of them together
Until the bath water went cold around me

I thought about her eyes and the curve of her breasts
And about the point where their bodies met
I confronted her about it.
I said, "I?m the most illegible bachelor in town."
And she said, "Yea, that's why I can never understand
Any of those silly letters you send me."

And then one day it happened
She cut 'er hair and I stopped lovin' 'er

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Am9s85pfH8I

:)
 
Where are these week knee-ed ladies <3 ? I'll easy give them some of my tongue :p 8o. Thanks <3Pagey<3 again for your time and knowledge. Also, thanks to all contributors good and bad, at least you gave a fuck. Hopefully I'm/we're going to cope and put it behind us. Gonna be some hard times, especially in March when it's a mutual friends birthday party. I'm going, i've done nothing wrong. I hope we can get a babysitter so my wife can come, and I hope he knows to stay away. If he turns up then we just avoid him, though every now and again I will fix him with a knowing smile/lunatic grin :D. If i'm on my own and see him, then I will do the same, though probably be a tad more intimidating %). Good night from Scotland (ladies) !
 
Forgot to say, my counsellor said it was good to air things on an anonymous forum. You've got to sort the wheat from the chaff, but if you are unsure I can heartily recommend it. Think it helps you believe that you're not the only one going through your troubles, and that most people are genuinely caring, even to complete strangers ! Go for it, it will help. Might not solve your problems, only you can do that, but you'll get a shitload of good advice !
 
Oh yeah very true. It's awesome to be able to vent on an anonymous forum because you get all the satisfaction without pissing off/boring the people in your 'real' life haha
 
Spot on, virtual flowers to you <3, for all your time, kind words, good advice and peanut buttery goodness that floods out from your words. Ponte too, he was great, and you others, lang may yer lums reek (wi' ither folks coal) !
 
HMHB said:
Forgot to say, my counsellor said it was good to air things on an anonymous forum. You've got to sort the wheat from the chaff, but if you are unsure I can heartily recommend it. Think it helps you believe that you're not the only one going through your troubles, and that most people are genuinely caring, even to complete strangers ! Go for it, it will help. Might not solve your problems, only you can do that, but you'll get a shitload of good advice !
Click to expand...

Venting/asking for advice on an online forum can be very helpful - both to help you really understand how you're feeling and to get different viewpoints. Doesn't always solve everything, but it can help :)
 
HMHB said:
Spot on, virtual flowers to you <3, for all your time, kind words, good advice and peanut buttery goodness that floods out from your words. Ponte too, he was great, and you others, lang may yer lums reek (wi' ither folks coal) !
Click to expand...

aaw my pleasure <3
 
i kinda skimmed through this but i read the initial post and updates.

I think first you have to determine whether this was just a one time experimental thing or not. As someone else pointed out it's entirely possible that she's had kids with another man and raised them as yours (happened in my family).

the second thing to think about is how to deal with the idea of her being with someone else. I learned to deal with this by letting go of my ideas of sexuality being so personal and romantic and sex just being sex. If she hasn't ever been with another man then i would expect her to seek one out at some point or another, i'd have just made it an open relationship in that case. What you describe is exactly what happened with my parents and in my case it was insanely fucked up, having a half sister who i had known as my full sister until my dad told me when i got older....

my mother said she got married too young and obviously just didn't get to experience enough of the world and that's why she did it. which is a plausible cause for your wife as well. I can accept that as a reasonable excuse to go out and fuck some random guy. A guy you know is a bit different and one that you will see every now and then makes it even worse. I'd watch your back even through counselling and definitely try to figure your wife out, whether this has happened before, whether the kids are yours and all that shit, you can accept it at the end and make it work anyway but it's better to know imo.
 
I'm 100% sure the kids are mine, you may scoff, but it's true. Also pretty sure it was experimental. Sure it's not going to be the same as it was, but I believe we can get through this as we love each other very much. I have no experience of an open relationship, though it does not appeal. Thanks for your input, on another day i may be agreeing with you.
 
HMHB said:
It's an acquaintance to me, but a friend of her friend. I want to tell the details to someone so i can unload the horror of it, can't tell my folks, they are too old and love her like a daughter, can't tell my mates (don't have a 'best' mate). Been to the doc, got sleepers and anti depressants.
Cheers.
To add - we live nearby, go to same places, so will definitely see him at some point.
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I think you need to, perhaps not 'confront' him, but to let him know that you know whats happened, thats its entirely unacceptable and to keep the fuck away fro you and your wife.

He should be lumbered with the burden of avoiding you, not the other way around.

I would also see to it that any other mutual aquaintances that the two of you have, know about what happened. Its embarrasing, but at least then they will know to keep hm away from you. Also it will make it harder for him to do the same thing with someone elses wife.

I think it may also be important in that at least your wife will see you taking some kind of proactive measure in consequence of his actions. Some definitive action where you excercise control over the intruding male may help mend your relationship on a primal kind of level.
 
HMHB said:
I'm 100% sure the kids are mine, you may scoff, but it's true. Also pretty sure it was experimental. Sure it's not going to be the same as it was, but I believe we can get through this as we love each other very much. I have no experience of an open relationship, though it does not appeal. Thanks for your input, on another day i may be agreeing with you.
Click to expand...

did you do dna testing? cause my dad had no idea the daughter he thought was his wasn't actually his when he found out quite a few years later. this happens more often than you would think/hope. Shit i can't even be sure my dad is my dad, as i haven't done DNA testing and who the fuck knows. I just wanted you to keep an open mind to the possibility that some deeper shit may be going on.
 
RobotRipping said:
did you do dna testing? cause my dad had no idea the daughter he thought was his wasn't actually his when he found out quite a few years later. this happens more often than you would think/hope. Shit i can't even be sure my dad is my dad, as i haven't done DNA testing and who the fuck knows. I just wanted you to keep an open mind to the possibility that some deeper shit may be going on.
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With all due respect to the issues the young man above may have faced, ignore him, their your children and always will be, end of...

The best advice I can give is to give things time and continue with the counselling for both of you. I hope things work out but if you can see that they might not, the BEST thing you can do for all of you is move on. Whatever the outcome be sure in the knowledge that you, your wife and the children will all come through this stronger whether apart or together.

And as for him... fuck him. The best revenge is to live well ;-)

much love <3
 
Cheers, theimp and Pagey. Had a great sex session tonight, then a brill night out. Things are definetely brighter.:) <3
 
Kinda feeling I've been too nice to her, too understanding, too 'nice'. Still think I want to make it work, yet finding it hard to keep a brave face on and stay positive. this is the hardest thing i've ever had to do in my life.
 
I cannot believe that the first time she shared intimacy with this man was on the night of your birthday... that's just so incredibly cold and callous. I suppose that, in the scheme of things, it makes no real difference and it could have been any night of the week or month that they were first intimate; symbolism may be best left to literature and such, but even still, it just doesn't sit right with me.

I do not believe that "once a cheater, always a cheater," and I applaud your commitment, or at least the effort you're making, to making the relationship work. I wish that I had better advice to give you, but my experience with this sort of thing and my perspective is... well, as much as I hate to admit it, it's from your wife's perspective.

So, I'll just wish you all the best of luck man. Hope that everything works out for you :)
 
Fuuuuck, on your birthday? I would die of heartbreak on the spot.

Props to you for staying the course, I could never do that.
 
My advice is get a divorce.
1 - If you go back to her, it will prove your weakness.
2 - She will do it again.
This is only my advice, do what you want.
 
Oh and if you are going to try to make it work, don't pass on your "You did it, so I can fuck a stripper tonight" chance/deal!!!!
 
Thanks verso, she's said she never even thought about it being my birthday as she was so caught up in this 'different world'. Lustmord, I love her, and I am pretty satisfied that she truly loves me, it was just a huge silly, stupid mistake, caught up in flattery and having the opportunity to escape humdrum normality. I just kinda wish I could experience the same, but I won't. rakeone, no offence, but I think being together shows my strength, not weakness, also "she'll do it again" smacks of rent a quote bullshit.
Ps. Do you know any strippers ? :D
 
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