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My wife has had a short lived affair with someone I know

Hi folks, just a wee update. Things are getting better and better between us, sure there are bad days, but in general it's all quite positive. To anyone in a similiar situation, I would advise to give things a go, do not make any snap decisions, everyone makes a mistake at some point in there life and should be allowed a second chance. If they fuck up again, then I wouldn't fancy the chances of the relationship lasting. Time will tell whether I've made the correct decision, but at the moment it looks like the right one for my girls and me. All the best to the informed and mature posters on here for their advice.
 
I'm so happy to hear that HMHB! It's inspiring to know that sometimes giving someone a second chance really is the right thing to do. And good job for dealing with the whole thing so well, seriously :)
 
Thanks Pagey, people like you really do help :). You should be proud of yourself :). Thanks again for the support and advice, not only to you, but some others, who know who they are. That was all said in my rough Scottish accent :D %) 8(.
<3 <3
 
People are capable of being in love with each other and being emotionally connected to other sexual partners too. Youre not automatically naive for believing she is sincere though she cheated on you.
 
Big test coming up tomorrow night. We are going to a birthday party that he's also been invited to. I've promised my wife there will be no violence and will stand by my word. Both for her sake and for the birthday girl, as I am not going to ruin her party. Question is, how should I play it :? ??
- Cool and aloof and pretend he's invisible %)
- Friendly and matey towards him (that might freak him out) :D
- Menacing and threatening (with no physical contact) :X
- Laugh and smile every time we make eye contact=D
- Courteous, polite, respectful, but tell him quietly that revenge is a dish best served cold %)

Any suggestions/advice welcome (especially from Pagey <3 )
 
I think you should be 'cool and aloof and pretend he's invisible %) '
No but seriously, ignoring him is probably the best idea, unless you find yourself forced to address him in which case try to keep it as brief and polite as possible. Honestly I think if you try speaking to him it'll most likely degenerate, even if you don't intend for it to. Plus ignoring him will prevent you from obsessing over him during the whole aprty & afterwards as well. Good luck!
 
I've been through a lot of what you are going through, rough stuff.

Good luck at the party. Don't drink too much, try to play it aloof. That's a hard spot to be put in. If it were me, I would probably not go.
 
i had this shit happen to me except it was my bestfriend who fucked my girl of 3 years. i tryed to confront em n he said some shit i didnt wanna hear, it escalated quick n i got a assault charge :/ if your seeing him tmrw jus be careful man, im not a violent person at all but once some ignorant shit comes outta someones mouth about your girl in a situation like this emotions take over quick n acting out on em is hard not to do.
 
Why would i be a mug, rickolasnice ? As kwhat said, things could degenerate once contact is made, and I definitely do not want that to happen for reasons posted earlier. I'm probably not only going to play it cool, but be cool and enjoy myself. Once again, looking at it rationally, Pagey is right (again).
64tf - he's not going to affect what I do or where I go in my life.
Thanks for all your input again <3.
 
Will post from the Courthouse on Monday after a weekend in the cells ;). Have a good one folks.
 
I think you're being waaay too nice and understanding with this situation. I know you don't want to lose it and want to stay cool but you deserve to lose it and freak out. I mean, there are MAJOR trust issues in your relationship. Trust is the foundation of relationships and your foundation has been shattered. It's going to take years to rebuild and restore that. You definitely need to find out why she cheated in the first place. Don't believe that, "I just wanna experience something different" crap. If she felt that way, she needed to talk to you about it because making decisions on her own that could rip your family apart. There are always other options. The fact that she went and did that on her own for who knows how long with how many guys shows her lack of respect for you and your family. She's a mother and a wife. She's made commitments to people. She can't go running around fucking other men because they complimented her! Not to mention-- she wasn't even going to tell you! You had to find out on your own and tell her to end it! It wasn't like she ended it and then told you. If you didn't confront her--how much longer would it have gone on for?? How many other men??!

I know I'm a bit harsh... and I apologize BUT my father cheated on my mother (married for 15 years) with a younger girl in the building across the street from us. He accidentally left his email open and my mother discovered all his little love emails. She printed out everything and found out they were dating for 1 year! They were married for 15 years and had 3 kids together. She confronted him and he told her everything (just like your wife). He gave my mom her number and my mom spoke on the phone with her. 25 year old Japanese skank. He promised my mom he would end it and disappeared for 3 days taking his mistress to fucken Maui and stayed at a $500 a night hotel on my mom's dime! My mom was furious but he explained that he needed to "properly end it" because apparently this girl was an angel and gave him comfort and a place to stay whenever my mom kicked him out.

Sorry this story is kind of long. Whenever they got into fights after that--the mistress would always come up. Everytime he was on the computer--my mom would get mad. Everytime he left the house at night. Trust was gone. They ended up getting a divorce 5 years later or so. Turns out, that mistress was only one of many. He also got back together with her. He had skanks all the world so whenever he traveled for "business" (china and japan)--he had bitches lined up. Your wife is probably not the dick that my father was but I guess my point was that just because they give you all the details and end it--don't mean shit.
 
HMHB said:
but be cool and enjoy myself.
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Exactly. Let us know how it goes!

@Pretty_Diamonds, I'm sorry to hear that about your parents, it must have been awful for you and your siblings. My dad's also cheated on my mom, dunno how regular it is or if it even is regular, but I'm the only one who knows and tbh I'm not about to tell my mom. I know she'll stay with him no matter what - or it would seem so since apparently the fact that he hits not only her, but her kids as well, isn't enough - so I'd rather just spare her the pain of knowing that as well and hope she'll just never find out :\
 
I got to give it to you, OP. You sure do have more patience than I do. There is no way in hell I could face the guy (well, girl in my case). I would need a really long vacation from my husband if it happened to me. I wouldn't be able to talk or see him for a while until I cooled down.
 
HMHB said:
Why would i be a mug, rickolasnice ? As kwhat said, things could degenerate once contact is made, and I definitely do not want that to happen for reasons posted earlier. I'm probably not only going to play it cool, but be cool and enjoy myself. Once again, looking at it rationally, Pagey is right (again).
64tf - he's not going to affect what I do or where I go in my life.
Thanks for all your input again <3.
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Its a huge insult that your wife would consider going, would ask you to attend, and tell you to behave. Where is your self respect?

Your spouses blatant lack of regard for you is only slightly more stomach churning than your willingness to play along.

Anyway, I hope you have an enjoyable evening exchanging pleasantries with the guy who fucked your wife.
 
^IDK. I think this actually shows that he has more integrity - because he's not going to let this guy affect his life more than he already has, and going to this party and having fun regardless of him being there will be proof that he's better than him.
 
Pagey said:
Exactly. Let us know how it goes!

@Pretty_Diamonds, I'm sorry to hear that about your parents, it must have been awful for you and your siblings. My dad's also cheated on my mom, dunno how regular it is or if it even is regular, but I'm the only one who knows and tbh I'm not about to tell my mom. I know she'll stay with him no matter what - or it would seem so since apparently the fact that he hits not only her, but her kids as well, isn't enough - so I'd rather just spare her the pain of knowing that as well and hope she'll just never find out :\
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Thanks. Yeah, well my mom did stay with him after all that (he was the one that filed for divorce). He was also abusive. I feel you. <3
 
Pagey said:
^IDK. I think this actually shows that he has more integrity - because he's not going to let this guy affect his life more than he already has, and going to this party and having fun regardless of him being there will be proof that he's better than him.
Click to expand...

Probably yes. I just wouldn't like putting myself into a situation that I know will make me upset and then mix the alcohol in with that. I dunno if I'm weird or not, but when people or situations bother me, I cut them out of my life and have nothing to do with them.
 
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