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My wife has had a short lived affair with someone I know

Lysis said:
Probably yes. I just wouldn't like putting myself into a situation that I know will make me upset and then mix the alcohol in with that. I dunno if I'm weird or not, but when people or situations bother me, I cut them out of my life and have nothing to do with them.
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Oh I agree, I was answering morpher :)
I certainly couldn't do it (when my ex cheated on me I went out of my way to avoid the girl), but my point was that I don't think it makes him less of a man as morpher is suggesting, au contraire.
 
oooh whoops, yes, I agree. I think he's freakin awesome to be totally straight about it. I don't think I'd want to face either of them. Damn that would be hard.
 
Well, he never appeared. We had a great night. That's it.
 
Its a huge insult that your wife would consider going, would ask you to attend, and tell you to behave. Where is your self respect?

Your spouses blatant lack of regard for you is only slightly more stomach churning than your willingness to play along.

morph - She didn't ask me to attend, I was invited.
She didn't ask me to behave, I chose to.
I have more self respect now than ever.
There is no blatant disregard on her part.
I am not playing along, as you call it.
Glad to meet you Mr Perfect.
 
Thanks Pagey and co, hope this thread can help out someone in the same circumstances. Must say I have surprised myself being so sensible and understanding, must be an age thing ;). Don't get me wrong, as someone said "Revenge is a dish best served cold, unless it's a bowl of soup balancing on the top of a door" :D
<3
 
Heard a good quote recently, Japanese I believe - " Dig two graves before seeking revenge"%)
 
Hi HMHB,

I'm glad you're trying to work this out. Are you still on the wait list for counseling?

The only experience I can share is I was married to a man who I was not compatible with. We had been separated probably longer than together. If I had given up on my marriage, I would not have my son who's now 15. Though our marriage was a disaster, that's one good thing that came from it. We've been divorced since he was a baby but I never regretted taking him back.

Your marriage is worth fighting for and plainly, you still love her. That's all that matters isn't it? There are lots of people who would not be able to forgive a cheating spouse. This is worth fighting for and if things don't work out later, you can't say that you never tried. We can't see into the future and can't live in the past either. We can live for today and make it count. I wish you the very best! Keep us updated how it's going. <3
 
I disagree man.

I've been cheated on, and like whatever... it sucks, it hurts, but it's not the end of the world. It's not even a huge deal IMO. It's no worse than other forms of disloyalty...like any other sort of broken promise.

I usually forgive it the same day as I find out, the way I would forgive if my S/O promised to attend a party with me and cancelled or something.

It's the same thing to me, a broken promise and I don't think it's being a doormat to forgive it.
 
chazzman - you're wrong, I think she would give me another chance if the boot was on the other foot.
T. Calderone - thanks, you have a great attitude/philosophy on life <3
rangrz - cheers.

Counselling did it's job of letting me pour it all out to someone who doesn't know us, and was non-judgemental. It let both me and my wife discuss our flaws and our hopes and fears. Really beneficial to me at the time, but further sessions are not necessary at the moment.
 
I would confront him! what is she thinking? that she cheat on you,then tell you and all will be ok? are you man,a male or pussy? I dont say beat the shit out of that guy,but I say this,tell this guy straight in the face no bullshitin around to fuck off,to stay away from your wife
 
DOB - he knows he has made a big mistake already. I know as he has already said to the only other person that knows, that he is expecting a beating. May be best to keep him looking over his shoulder for a while yet. Still not sure how I will react when I see him, trying to keep a lid on my anger, as my family come first. I'm no pussy, was one of the top guys in the city when I was younger. Have had to learn the hard way, and matured a lot. Seen a lot of violence in my time, enough to know that most of it is pointless and just creates more trouble. I'm no John Lennon, but now I'm a lover not a fighter, but if I have to fight I know I can.
 
What's all this stuff about HMHB being weak if he doesn't confront him? Whatever happened to being the bigger man?
:|

Plus it doesn't matter what others think is best to do, what's important is what'll help him move on faster.
 
Cheers once again Pagey ! I admit there is a niggle that i'm being wimpish about this, but that's probably just the result of the macho conditioning that all men go through from the cradle to the grave.
 
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