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Recovery My journey starts today (hydromorphone)

Sixxam said:
Tpd, man, that's actually a fantastic idea! I'm the kinda guy that does that shit quite often so it's definitively not outta character.

I really dig the approach of centring it around us, and healing vs my deciept and drug use. This will take me a few drafts, but luckily being up all night, every night will give me plenty time. Man, I really have to thank you for your genuine concern for others....... What you're doing is some next level business. I hope to one day give back in such a selfless way.... Thank you, my friend

I did get out for a nice walk,i enjoyed it, but man was it cold. -27 out. I bundled up. But I feel like my bones are cold.

I can smell the air, and snow, and wife's cooking. What an odd but interesting feeling.

Hope everyone's hanging tough tonight.. Thinking of you all

Sixx
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simco said:
Damn, TPD...the love letter is a great idea! I'm going to do that one myself.

Sixx, that's awesome that you got out into cold and snow. I hope it left you with a nice warm afterglow.
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You guys should check out Tich Nhat Hahn's book, Anger. I stole the idea from him :)
 
Tpd, I'll check it out!

I really notice the anger and frustration setting in. And I'm really struggling to control it. Working full days certainly isn't helping.. But I just dunno wtf to do with myself.

I'm in a ton of pain, everywhere. Especially my spine, where I've had two fusions and I have a third that will need to be done at some point. I find that kratom helps alleviate the pain to some degree, but I can't rely on that shit forever. I'm just in a rut and trying to figure out what to do next.

I'm definitely still sober... And struggling. But after that detox I don't think I can do that again. So I'm fighting.

The cravings are really kicking in. I'm constantly listening to motivating music to keep my mind off the dope. Or trying..

I'm still in it! Hope everyone else is still in the game.., and for all you guys about to quit.

... Welcome to the tough mother fuckers that quit junk club.. Have a seat!

Sixx
 
LOL, how true (the quick junk club bit :))!

Have you ever tried acupuncture for some of your pain issues? It's not panacea, but it can really help. Do hot baths/jacuzzi help you at all with the discomfort? Those were always a god sent for me in very early recovery.
 
Sixxam said:
I'm still in it! Hope everyone else is still in the game.., and for all you guys about to quit.

... Welcome to the tough mother fuckers that quit junk club.. Have a seat!

Sixx
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Im still in it! I've been reading and cheering you guys along. I know that frustration and anger really, really well. Deep breaths - and remembering how much everyone else is suffering - really helps me. Those first few weeks back to real life are a struggle. Especially when you pile works on that. After a few weeks it gets easier on a daily basis (but I find that is when the mental PAWS shit kicks in for me). But you won't be struggling through each day much longer. You will get the hang of it quicker than you think.

How is that love letter coming, if you don't mind my asking?

Much love and support, Six! You are doing awesome.

- VE
 
Sixxam said:
Tpd, I'll check it out!

I really notice the anger and frustration setting in. And I'm really struggling to control it. Working full days certainly isn't helping.. But I just dunno wtf to do with myself.

I'm in a ton of pain, everywhere. Especially my spine, where I've had two fusions and I have a third that will need to be done at some point. I find that kratom helps alleviate the pain to some degree, but I can't rely on that shit forever. I'm just in a rut and trying to figure out what to do next.

I'm definitely still sober... And struggling. But after that detox I don't think I can do that again. So I'm fighting.

The cravings are really kicking in. I'm constantly listening to motivating music to keep my mind off the dope. Or trying..

I'm still in it! Hope everyone else is still in the game.., and for all you guys about to quit.

... Welcome to the tough mother fuckers that quit junk club.. Have a seat!

Sixx
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hey Bro, haven't been around because of a hectic few days of work. Glad to know you got through the other side hey! massive congrats
 
Tpd,

I have not tried acupuncture, I'll be honest, I've been so content with the opiotes that I have really considered Any other method. Until recently. I do have a friend who does licenced acupuncture, so it's worth taking a look into. Thanks for the suggestion!

VE, hiya :). Thanks for taking the time to respond, it really helps tremendously to hear from you cats with a little further sober time. I know this won't last, but shit is it a rough go. Ahh, the letter... It's coming, but trying to hide it and write it is proving tough lol. As I just confessed to being drug addict. Plus my total lack of concentration is kicking my butt. But it's something I really need to do and I think will be of benefit.

Kickitnow, hey buddy! Thanks for popping in.. Glad your still on the dark side with us :). Is it cold over there in kangaroo ville this time of year?

I'm getting a good solid 3 hours sleep each night now, lorazepam or clonazepam induced... But I'll take it. Plus I'm pushing myself quite hard at the moment. Sitting idle is when the devil starts to fuck with me.

One fun note.... I have to build some custom knives this week... That'll be fun!

Oddly enough I really enjoy sitting up at 4 in the morning, beside my fire, just reading and reflecting.

A beautiful relatable song... By the talented sixxam. Nikki sixx wrote most of these when he was deep in his heroine addiction.. I read his heroine diaries his other day.

https://www.youtube.com/shared?ci=MCNbcOe9EOg
 
Tpd, I would love to share some stuff with you guys, if I can hold onto this sobriety thing. I'm actually gonna pm you with a question..
 
Not sleeping sucks! And the whole general lack of interest in everything.

Everything is blurry, everything's so grey
Everybody's empty and everything is all messed up.
Preoccupied without you, I cannot live at all.
My whole world surrounds you, I stumble and I fall....

Funny, I get that song now...

I find with each passing day, I'm struggling more and more. I guess I feel like things should be improving, when realistically I know it'll get worse before it gets better.

I've been getting out for plenty walks, even in -30 weather. Been working quite a bit, to keep my mind occupied and hopefully creative juices flowing.

Now.... Today will be tough. Family get together, opiotes all around, gahh. Wish me luck my friends..

Hope you're all still playing this game with me. I'm just over the weeks.... Wow, I've saved almost 5k!

Hang tough
Sixx
 
Nice one Sixx! Best of luck. Money is one of my biggest triggers and now motivators in the battle. Gotta make ur strength ur weakness. I'm measuring my success by the more responsible ways I'm using my cash.

Definitely still here with you mate, I've been throwing myself at work. TBH I feel a bit empty when I get home..I can relate to the lack of interest. I guess it's par of the process huh.
Sleep still sucks for me without benzos and I wanted to put those away long ago. even with them it's just been scraps here and there.
 
How's it going so far? If u need an ear or to just chat, I'm here. Had 7 years of quality recovery a few years ago, so I have some helpful tips and whatnot if u ever want/need them. I just haven't been willing to apply them in my life in a while... unfortunatelyz
 
Sim, thanks man.. You too. It's really nice to see my small group of dedicated folks still in the game!

Find the wolf,. I would appreciate any and all info you can share. My mind is open to whatever might maker this journey easier.

I've been really pushing to keep busy these last few days. Working, walking and just getting out and doing shit. This sober life is tough! I find I'm relying of the benzos a little more. The last couple days I've had to take .25mg xanax throughout the day. And .05mg lorazepam or clonazepam before attempting to sleep.

I'm getting at least 2-3 hours a night. I'll take what I can get.. Cravings are a bitch!

But I'm still here and thinking of my pals everyday. Sim,kickit,VE,tpd and everyone else, you guys are tough cookies and I'm glad y'all are here.

Hang tough friends

Sixx
 
Sixx -

You should be relying on benzos a bit more than usual! Sixx, you need to cut yourself some slack! You have come so far, check out what you said on day one of your thread...

I'm here asking you guys for help and support. I currently have a 90-120mg a day hydromorphone (dilaudid) habit and I need it to stop. [/QUOTE]

^ I shudder at the mere thought of cold turkey-ing off of that amount.

I am sure you know this but you cold turkeyed only 25 days ago! The fact that your working already is awesome, too. I just can't say enough about how far you have come in such a short amount of time. Hang in there. Un-fucking-fortunately, this recovery thing takes time :(

much love and support, sixx!

- VE
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^^^
What VE said!

Yes, I agree, if the benzos are helping, go with it. Of course you don't want them to escalate too much. But it sounds like you're still well within the bounds of responsible/therapeutic dosages. As VE says, you've been through (and to a large extend are still in) some real shit. What you're doing seems to be working well...be might proud of that, and keep rocking it, man.
 
Hey Sixx im a little further along then you im on 60 something days and trust me VE is right about benzos!. Benzos and lyrica saved my ass, i was only getting 2 hours sleep a nite without benzos or lyrica you can only take that shit so long before it can fucking ruin ya!. I decided i never had a problem with benzos before even taking them daily for a while so i used them and and still do but now im getting more sleep with no help now i even slept 8 hours one nite. Hang in there your too far along now to go back sixx! it will start getting better soon.
 
Guys, thanks for taking the time to post.. It's awesome to have real support, from others who get it. This means more to me then I can say.

VE, you're right, less then a month ago I didn't think I would ever get away. Making good money is a curse with drug addiction. It's like free doses of heaven all day everyday. But I think, the shit I can do with an extra 5k a month... Man that's a lot. Yet I feel like since I have saved all that money I deserve a treat! But I know that treat would lead back to 5k a month.
Damn addiction.

I find each day, it gets tougher to see my progress. I guess because I'm still lost on the foreign place. I can't wait to just feel like I know this world I'm living in.

On the bright side, I look really good! People are commenting on it. I have a lot of colour in my face, yet I feel like shit.

I hope you're feeling better VE... Each sober day is a blessing I suppose.

Sim, man I'm making sure that I keep my benzo intake to under 1mg daily. I won't let myself exceed that. I don't enjoy them, but they're making life and sleep semi possible. I certainly know I'm not outta the woods yet. If someone put dilaudid in front of me right now is probably snatch it and run... Honestly. For a moment's peace.

Hope your hanging tough bro. I read your recent post. Man I feel the same about the silly fantasies. I think it's par for the course.

Kickit, hey buddy! I'm not messing with lyrica but I plan to use benzos for a bit. Hell it's better then dope I suppose :)

Y'all rock!

Sixx
 
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