Sweet Jesus, sleep is coming....I slept almost three hours... Yay!
Kickitnow, thanks man....I figured I'd my limbs are gonna crawl and my back is gonna be in pain I might as well make some money, right? Luckily I'm the boss and didn't have to deal with the public, other then phone or email.
VE, I think we can all work together to keep each other motivated and remind ourselves where we either want to be, or not want to be. For me, I need to see people with as much clean time as you. Because that's a very attainable goal for me. So reading about your recovery.... Rocky or not, is important insight to me. And I'm sure my recovery reminds you exactly of why you do not wanna do this again? Keep going girl... Your killing it and I can't wait to tell you I have 2,3,4 months clean time ?
No, the wife doesn't think I'm activity cheating, I think it's more based on pembrokes comment, and the blind sided lack of trust. I have been with this woman three years now, living together a year (pregnant) and decided it was time to move ahead in our relationship.
What this girl did not know in Any way, was that I was a drug addict. Six months ago she started questioning if I was faithful because of my general lack of interest in sex... I was nod high all day everyday, you guys know that sex is the last thing on your mind. So I said fuck it I need to quit this shit, I have this beautiful new life full of positive. No dirt... Like my old life. So I told her I'd been on pain killers a few months and was having a hard time getting off them. This was my prior kick six months ago.. Well I immediately relapsed 3-6 weeks later and went right back to heavy dilaudid use. She had no idea. Well this time I decided that I need to really be honest with her and not down play this situation.. So I flat out told her...... Honey I'm a very serious drug addict... Again she was blind sided but took it like a champ and said what do we do.. And had basically been fully supportive. I decided to fully disclose my confections and give her full access to my phone anytime she wants, to check if I'm scoring.
Well instead of my addiction she decided to tear my phone apart and look for Any evidence or possibility of me cheating.... And I get it, that's fine. I deserve that. But in this instance she happened to be looking through my Facebook and checked blocked people. Yes, I'm a Justin beiber lookin motherfucker, girls do flirt and hit on me, yes I've blocked many that I thought I didn't need to be talking to. That's life..... I have been 100% faithful to her. And I do get her insecurities, given the circumstances. But there comes a line (imo) when it starts to hinder recovery vs anything.
Regardless, the following morning she apologised and said sorry, admitting she was in the wrong. I said no sweat mama, I get it. I'm the luckiest guy in the world to have such an amazing supportive partner. I just prey that I can continue to recover and make it up to her.
Pem, I get it bro, you're right in some ways. But my wife did not harbour my addiction at all. I literally hid it. I make good money and am the full supporter of our family of four. But I'll tell you.. 5-6k a month on dope is stressful.
Before leaving work everyday I made sure I had 5 30mg hydromorphone pills crushed up in an end mill container. With my straw. Something she often saw but thought nothing of. I was being real shady and secretive. The drug addict in me..
But yes, it is a family disease... She has watched mer detox twice now, which is pretty horrendous.. Especially of guard. And I get the general level of distrust. Hence me opening up and giving her full access to my everything.
I think we've agreed that she's welcome to check my phone whenever she likes. I'm good with that... But, tearing apart all the insignificant silly things trying to create non existent issues is not beneficial to either of us. Hopefully we can continue to push through from here and most off, keep me sober.
14 days clean, that was the worst kick yet, I hope it'll be my last.. I'm so glad sleep is starting to come in tiny spurts.
Work was hard..... I went in at 10-6 and buy the end I almost couldn't stand Any longer. I'm doing it again today. If rather be busy if I'm awake and in pain anyway.
You guys are awesome! Hang tough my friends.
Sixx
